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Best Names in the Draft Vol II (Double Draft Media)
Offline JSS331
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#1
09-15-2020, 10:34 PM

Last year I did a tongue in cheek piece on the best and worst names of players in the draft.  I thought it was funny so I am going to do it again.  This year I'll list out all of the players in the draft's first three rounds and comment on the ones I find funny or boring.  Again, this is not meant to be mean spirited, I know none of these players personally, this is all for fun.

Round 1

1. [Image: barracuda.png] Tampa Bay Barracuda - Aleksander Kozlov - Pretty standard Russian bloc name here, not much to write home about.
2. [Image: stars.png] Toronto North Stars - Evangelos Giannopoulos - Is this the new Greek Freak of the SHL?  I am not sure but that is definitely a very Greek looking name.  Long way from home in Toronto.
3. [Image: chiefs.png] Minnesota Chiefs - Rock Strongo - Rock Strongo sounds a bit like a porn star name but could also be a professional wrestler.  Either way, he better bring the pain with a name like that.
4. [Image: wolfpack4.png] New England Wolfpack ([Image: inferno.png] -> [Image: steelhawks.png] -> [Image: wolfpack4.png]) - Calvin Hobbes - Classic cartoon character, digging the name.  Love to pay homage to some of the greats of the past.  Good luck in New England. 
5. [Image: wolfpack4.png] New England Wolfpack ([Image: argonauts.png] -> [Image: wolfpack4.png]) - Grandmaster Funk - New England is killing it this draft, Grandmaster Funk is an early candidate for best name in the draft.  Could be a nod to the great DJ Grandmaster Flash or just could be a cool name.  Either way, top notch.
6. [Image: barracuda.png] Tampa Bay Barracuda ([Image: platoon2.png] -> [Image: barracuda.png]) - Vladmir Petrov - Another standard issue Russian name.  Tampa seems to be taking all of them.
7. [Image: pride-new.png] San Francisco Pride - Yngve Simonsson - I am not even sure how to pronouce that first name.  Seems like it is missing some vowels.
8. [Image: panthers.jpg] Los Angeles Panthers - Jonas Kahnwald - Can not read that first name without thinking about the Jonas brothers. 
9. [Image: jets.png] Winnipeg Jets - Jasper Maximov - Points for using Jasper, not only a friendly ghost but also a solid sports name.
10. [Image: steelhawks.png] Hamilton Steelhawks ([Image: wolfpack4.png] -> [Image: steelhawks.png]) - Sarah Burke - Welcome to Hamilton Sarah.  Pretty basic name though.
11. [Image: renegades.png] Texas Renegades - Slava Petrov - Another Petrov?  How many of these guys are out there.  I'm sure Tampa was hoping he would slide to them in the next pick though.
12. [Image: barracuda.png] Tampa Bay Barracuda ([Image: syndicate2.png] -> [Image: barracuda.png]) - KnockedOut ByOvechkin - This is one of the more interesting names in the draft.  Not sure I have ever seen Ovi knock any one out but something tells me with enough Vodka in him, he could knock out a bear.
13. [Image: dragons.png] Calgary Dragons - Sachimo Zoidberg III - The only thing stranger about this name is the fact that for three generations, this family thought it was good enough to repeat...
14. [Image: wolfpack4.png] New England Wolfpack ([Image: Rage-Emote.png] -> [Image: wolfpack4.png])- Teylora Petrov - Ok, what the hell is going on here.  How many f'ing kids did these guys have at the same time?  More Petrovs in this draft than you can shake a stick at
15. [Image: argonauts.png] Seattle Argonauts ([Image: steelhawks.png] -> [Image: wolfpack4.png] -> [Image: argonauts.png])- Dee Centerman IV - not much going on here, guessing he is a defenseman.
16. [Image: panthers.jpg] Los Angeles Panthers ([Image: blizzard.png] -> [Image: panthers.jpg]) - Vili Afalava - Like the Vili name for some reason.  Alfalva is a weird name but I like it for some reason
17. [Image: barracuda.png] Tampa Bay Barracuda ([Image: specters.png] -> [Image: barracuda.png]) - Phillip Weaver - boring
18. [Image: argonauts.png] Seattle Argonauts ([Image: stampede.png] -> [Image: wolfpack4.png] -> [Image: argonauts.png]) - Zdenko Beranek - not much to say here

Round 2

19. [Image: barracuda.png] Tampa Bay Barracuda - Valtterri Kauppinen - reminds me of Bottas from F1, hopefully he is as fast as he is.
20. [Image: platoon2.png] Baltimore Platoon ([Image: stars.png] -> [Image: platoon2.png]) - Tanjiro Kamado - Ka-mA-do Ka-mAH-do
21. [Image: specters.png] New Orleans Specters ([Image: chiefs.png] -> [Image: specters.png]) - Zbynek Dobrovsky - strong first name there.
22. [Image: inferno.png] Atlanta Inferno - Michael Withecheck - Withecheck sounds like with the check, hopefully he is a physical player
23. [Image: argonauts.png] Seattle Argonauts - Vaseline Poscalzone - A guy with a name of Vaseline better have some silky smooth hands.  Or he likes working on his forearm strength...
24.  [Image: platoon2.png] Baltimore Platoon ([Image: platoon2.png] -> [Image: barracuda.png]-> [Image: platoon2.png]) - Zebulon Leavitt - Not sure what planet his parents were on when they named him Zebulon.
25. [Image: pride-new.png] San Francisco Pride - Chad Danger - Definitely a porn star name.  You can not convince me otherwise.
26. [Image: panthers.jpg] Los Angeles Panthers - Grape Fruit - named after a fruit that every mom and grandmother seems to eat.  I guess so.
27. [Image: wolfpack4.png] New England Wolfpack ([Image: jets.png] -> [Image: wolfpack4.png]) - Alexis Vermette
28. [Image: wolfpack4.png] New England Wolfpack - FORFEIT
29. [Image: renegades.png] Texas Renegades - Lemo Pihl
30. [Image: syndicate2.png] Chicago Syndicate - Mat Smith
31. [Image: dragons.png] Calgary Dragons - Thomas Rose
32. [Image: chiefs.png] Minnesota Chiefs ([Image: Rage-Emote.png] -> [Image: chiefs.png]) - Kynwyl Pearce - what does this first name even mean.  Not sure what is going on here
33. [Image: stampede.png] Buffalo Stampede ([Image: steelhawks.png] ->  [Image: stampede.png]) - Walter Burke
34. [Image: panthers.jpg] Los Angeles Panthers ([Image: blizzard.png] -> [Image: panthers.jpg]) - "Long" John Donair - I wonder what caused Long John to get his name
35. [Image: pride-new.png] San Francisco Pride ([Image: specters.png] -> [Image: pride-new.png]) - Patrik Money - With a last name of Money this dude better deliver the goods.
36. [Image: barracuda.png] Tampa Bay Barracuda ([Image: stampede.png] -> [Image: barracuda.png]) - Boris Petrov - Ok, that is it.  What in the actual fuck is going on here?  They must be pissed that Texas drafted a Petrov so they grabbed YET ANOTHER one.

Round 3

37. [Image: dragons.png] Calgary Dragons ([Image: barracuda.png] -> [Image: dragons.png]) - Logan Wong
38. [Image: stars.png] Toronto North Stars - James Kimanje
39. [Image: chiefs.png] Minnesota Chiefs - Anna Maier
40. [Image: inferno.png] Atlanta Inferno - Kenji Sugimoto
41. [Image: stampede.png] Buffalo Stampede ([Image: argonauts.png]->  [Image: stampede.png] ) - Jst Maro
42. [Image: pride-new.png] San Francisco Pride ([Image: platoon2.png] -> [Image: pride-new.png]) - Daedalus James
43.  [Image: blizzard.png] Edmonton Blizzard ([Image: pride-new.png] -> [Image: steelhawks.png] ->  [Image: blizzard.png]) - Bane - Love this, one name, badass villian, enough said
44. [Image: argonauts.png] Seattle Argonauts ([Image: panthers.jpg] -> [Image: wolfpack4.png] -> [Image: argonauts.png]) - William Salming
45. [Image: wolfpack4.png] New England Wolfpack ([Image: jets.png] -> [Image: wolfpack4.png]) - Mikhael Petrov - new rule, no more god damn petrovs in the league from here out.  This is getting out of hand.
46. [Image: pride-new.png] San Francisco Pride ([Image: wolfpack4.png] -> [Image: pride-new.png]) - Kev Kevens
47. [Image: stampede.png] Buffalo Stampede ([Image: renegades.png] -> [Image: stampede.png]) - Chimkin Tendy
48. [Image: syndicate2.png] Chicago Syndicate - Bud Weiser
49. [Image: wolfpack4.png] New England Wolfpack ([Image: dragons.png] -> [Image: wolfpack4.png]) - Adrian Ayers
50. [Image: panthers.jpg] Los Angeles Panthers ([Image: Rage-Emote.png] -> [Image: panthers.jpg]) - Ragnar-Alexandre Ragnarsson-Tremblay
51. [Image: panthers.jpg] Los Angeles Panthers ([Image: steelhawks.png] -> [Image: panthers.jpg]) - Jonas Caspari
52. [Image: blizzard.png] Edmonton Blizzard - Rikki Petrov - See comment above - you all need to get creative.
53. [Image: pride-new.png] San Francisco Pride ([Image: specters.png] -> [Image: pride-new.png]) - Raivo Helminen
54. [Image: stampede.png] Buffalo Stampede - Eero Makinen Jr

Round 4

55. [Image: syndicate2.png] Chicago Syndicate ([Image: barracuda.png] -> [Image: syndicate2.png]) - Damien Vertigo
56. [Image: stars.png] Toronto North Stars - Pass
57. [Image: chiefs.png] Minnesota Chiefs - Pass
58. [Image: inferno.png] Atlanta Inferno - Josh Dolphin - Dolphin followed by Monkey, things are getting weird in here.
59. [Image: argonauts.png] Seattle Argonauts - Monkey Mann Jr.
60. [Image: barracuda.png] Tampa Bay Barracuda ([Image: platoon2.png] -> [Image: barracuda.png]) - C.K. Supernaw
61. [Image: pride-new.png] San Francisco Pride - Valtteri Aalto
62. [Image: stars.png] Toronto North Stars ([Image: panthers.jpg] -> [Image: stars.png]) - Pass
63. [Image: jets.png] Winnipeg Jets -
64. [Image: panthers.jpg] Los Angeles Panthers ([Image: wolfpack4.png] -> [Image: panthers.jpg]) - Pass
65. [Image: steelhawks.png] Hamilton Steelhawks ([Image: renegades.png] -> [Image: barracuda.png] -> [Image: steelhawks.png]) - Čeněk Iqbal
66. [Image: syndicate2.png] Chicago Syndicate - Pass
67. [Image: dragons.png] Calgary Dragons - Pass
68. [Image: stars.png] Toronto North Stars ([Image: Rage-Emote.png] -> [Image: stars.png]) - Pass
69. [Image: barracuda.png] Tampa Bay Barracuda ([Image: steelhawks.png] -> [Image: barracuda.png]) - Unga Bunga Lemme Smash - Tampa completely redeems themselves by grabbing the best named player in the draft.  Just let this dude smash.  
70. [Image: blizzard.png] Edmonton Blizzard - Markleesio Hopscotch
71. [Image: barracuda.png] Tampa Bay Barracuda ([Image: specters.png] -> [Image: barracuda.png]) - Pass
72. [Image: pride-new.png] San Francisco Pride ([Image: stampede.png] -> [Image: pride-new.png]) - Pass


There were some good names this year overall.  Far too many god damn Petrovs though, complete lack of creativity there.  For my money, Unga Bunga Lemme Smash takes the cake for the best name in this draft class, Tampa will be very happy to see him starting one day on their team.  What do you all think?


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Offline trella
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#2
09-16-2020, 09:42 AM

Petrov disrespect smh

UNGA BUNGA LEMME SMASH

@Pingy Pingu love u

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Away GCool
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#3
09-16-2020, 10:07 AM (This post was last modified: 09-16-2020, 10:10 AM by GCool.)

I explained it in my first SMJHL Media briefly, but here goes:

I'm originally from the Northeast, where Long Johns are just a type of thermal underwear. In the midwest, "Long Johns" are underwear too, but they're also a kind of donut. It's pretty much an eclair without any filling. Stupid as fuck.

So one time I'm with my buddies just chillin and my one friend goes "Went to the gas station, grabbed two long johns and a water" and I'm like "Uh, what? You buy underwear at the gas station?"

Then this long conversation ensues about what the fuck a Long John is.

So the name's sort of a double entendre and a puzzle. "Long" John Donair is tall, so he's long. But his teammates called him "Donut" because a Long John is a donut but Donair also sounds like a donut. However, as most Canadians know, a Donair is savory and not sweet. I want to make Donair to be a problem to the opposing offense while still screening people and putting up goals. I always name my player with a pun, but with a player build in mind.

"Buzz" Killington - killed the buzz of many speedy forwards with checks, and disrupted the flow of play with goals
"Bananas" Foster - fucking crazy lol
Jerry "The Snake" Mander - jerrymandering, not choosing a side of the ice to operate on but serviceable everywhere (esp after the switch to defender)
"Negative" Ned Sommers - i knew he'd have a negative +/- as a DFD in GOMHL, but he still plugged along, and he's my only sim league HOF player to date.
Richard "The Transporter" Shaw - assists-first forward, rickshaw like the little cart
Farley "Sweetness" Sathers - supposed to be a smooth, sweet point guard in SBA but I never got into it really -- Farley-Sathers is a brand of penny candy
Frederick "Iron" Ferrous - the iron man heavyweight of the simFC

So yeah, I'll get more into this on my Buzzkill post, but figured you'd like the explanation here. Smile
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Offline Pythonic
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#4
09-16-2020, 12:44 PM

Quote:12. [Image: barracuda.png] Tampa Bay Barracuda ([Image: syndicate2.png] -> [Image: barracuda.png]) - KnockedOut ByOvechkin - This is one of the more interesting names in the draft.  Not sure I have ever seen Ovi knock any one out but something tells me with enough Vodka in him, he could knock out a bear.


https://russianmachineneverbreaks.com/20...-in-fight/

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Offline JSS331
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#5
09-16-2020, 12:53 PM

09-16-2020, 12:44 PMPythonic Wrote:
Quote:12. [Image: barracuda.png] Tampa Bay Barracuda ([Image: syndicate2.png] -> [Image: barracuda.png]) - KnockedOut ByOvechkin - This is one of the more interesting names in the draft.  Not sure I have ever seen Ovi knock any one out but something tells me with enough Vodka in him, he could knock out a bear.


https://russianmachineneverbreaks.com/20...-in-fight/

And now I have seen him knock some one out.  LOL

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Offline Pythonic
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#6
09-16-2020, 12:54 PM

09-16-2020, 12:53 PMJSS331 Wrote:
09-16-2020, 12:44 PMPythonic Wrote:

https://russianmachineneverbreaks.com/20...-in-fight/

And now I have seen him knock some one out.  LOL

the best part is, KOBO's render is Svechnikov

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