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GeckoeyGecko · 10-21-2022, 10:13 PM

the following media article has been translated from e via the addition of several inferior letters. If any errors have been made in translation, assume that your team is worse than it says in this article.

"And lo, e spread his arms and said unto the people: in terms of statistics, corsi and ga% and all that other shit is dumb as fuck. e and even more importantly e/60 is where its at dude fr fr"
-statistics 69:60

Hello SHL. Today I bringeth unto you analysis of the highest order - for free! That's right! As part of the "pick gecko first overall you miserable locust*" propaganda campaign, I will be sharing the bounties of our finest analytical models with you all, analyzing the top lines of the SHL and pinpointing where their deficiencies lie. As is foretold in the holy book of e, we can clearly see that corsi and other shitter analytics are piss useless. Instead, we will be using e/60 to track the true top lines of the SHL, those that could well be poised for a breakout this coming season. Without further ado, let us begin.

*apologies to all locusts who do not have the misfortune of GMing a SHL or SMJHL team

Inferno

Atlanta Inferno Inferno

PAVEL JEZIAK - VIKTOR KRUNK - BURLOK SULFURGOLD
3.16 e/60

Sadly, the first team we analyze has a truly pathetic e value of only 2 across their first line, which makes itself apparent in their equally pisslow e/60 of slightly under 3.16. As we can see, Pavel Jeziak tries his hardest to carry this line, with a significantly more respectable e/60 of 10.9. However, both of his linemates sport an e/60 of literally 0 - a truly profound gming, coaching, scouting, and playing oversight. I predict a sharp regression of this line's production over the course of the coming season, with only Pavel likely to repeat or even surpass his previous production of 59 points. I'm not going to check the Inferno 's other lines or their farm system to see how their other players e/60 is, but holy fuck come on guys

Platoon

BALTIMORE PLATOON Platoon

SCOTT THORN - LORD RAIDEN - KARL KRASHWAGEN
3.53 e/60

Wow! I know this team, its trips' team! if only i had better news for him. This lines e/60 is also quite frankly dogwater. While the e value is more spread out, with Lord Raiden and Karl Krashwagen both having a single e to their name, the lines total e value of 2 is equal to Atlanta's, and their e/60 is only slightly higher at 3.53. While this may be acceptable for Baltimore at the time being as they look to rebuild, they will quickly need to add more e to their lineup if they do not wish to wallow in rebuild hell for much longer. You can already see the results of Scott Thorn's low e/60 in particular, as he had a dismal campaign this season, only scoring 38 points from the top line. While Lord Raiden appears to be unaffected by their own low e/60 as of yet (6 e/60), one can only predict a regression for this player as well.

BUFFALO STAMPEDE

GREYSON COOPER - KONSTANTIN SELICH - JASKA SEPPALA
5.85 e/60

Finally, an e/60 over 4! You'd think that it would be an easy bar to clear, but evidently it is not. With an e value of at least 1 across all three skaters (another mark that you'd think would be easy to pass), Buffalo's top line has an e/60 of 5.85, a rather respectable mark that is reflected in their rather respectable production. I think that Buffalo's top line will be able to maintain this production, although Buffalo would not be remiss in hunting for yet more e to add to their lineup.

Dragons

CALGARY DRAGONS Dragons

EVAN WINTER - GROGU MANDOSSON - DUNCAN MACKENZIE
6.15 e/60

One of the last season's top performers, Grogu Mandosson and the rest of Calgary's top line produced excellent counting stats last season, which are backed up by a healthy e/60 of 6.15. However, a dive into each players individual e/60 shows that Grogu was actually carried by his linemates, as his own e/60 is a baleful 0. Interestingly, both of CGY's other two centres boast higher e values than Grogu - could a promotion be in order? Keep an eye on Evan Winter in particular to perform well next season.

CHICAGO SYNDICATE

MATS MARNER RYU JONES THEO KONDOS
6.43 e/60

Chicago has a startlingly high e/60 for a team which has zero first-line players breaking a single e value. I'd like to particularly draw attention to Ryu Jones, boasting an e/60 of 7.5 - while this is not the highest e/60, the quality of his linemates is significantly higher than other players such as Pavel Jeziak on the Inferno. Look for this line to repeat or even surpass last season's production, with Ryu potentially coming in as a dark horse come awards season.

ayo there are too many teams in this league im gonna finish this later

***sköldpaddor*** · 10-21-2022, 10:14 PM

e

*RashfordU* · 10-21-2022, 10:17 PM

ë

***sve7en*** · 10-21-2022, 10:17 PM

e

**leafsftw1967** · 10-21-2022, 10:40 PM

e

Jepox · 10-21-2022, 11:52 PM

e

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