I know what time of the day it is, just give me a drink damnit. Wow, Luffy really pooped the bed and threw it into an industrial-sized fan that was directed at a nursing home with a playground for kindergarteners next to it. What a mess that was. No, stronger. This is like water. Just use the vodka to cut the gin...

Oh, hey Star Gang. You might be wondering how I got here. Well...it all started with the Los Angeles Panthers came hobbling into the beautiful city of Toronto. And then proceeded to get lucky and win a game in overtime. They were outshot by our beloved North Stars fifty-two to twenty-five, and outhit twenty-eight to thirteen. This was a game of pure dominance by our beloved club and we lost five to four. Sure, we pick up a point, but we should have had two. Luffy was a minus-two and that is literally all that matters. It's like he is actively trying to hurt the team or something.

And my continuing evidence is the minus-two he put up against the Rage. I'm getting sick of seeing them. Five to two that game was. Shots in favor of the Rage thirty-nine to twenty-nine, so that's not too lopsided. Hits were twenty-eight to fourteen...Toronto really isn't the most physical of teams. And this goes for Luffy, who seems to be being outworked in these situations, so he's really gonna have to up...everything. Minus-four? He was doing so good, for him, and not this absolute dud performance two sims in a row...well we got one game to go. 

Hey, I need another vodka and gin. Also, I'll need a few road beers, and maybe a couple of pocket beers. Don't tell me this is a family bar. children shouldn't be in bars.

What do you mean I missed the game? Nine to nothing? Toronto North Stars? wow...how'd you do, Luffy? Somehow having no goals, assists and being a neutral plus-minus is worse than the other two games. Together this paints a picture of a guy who should probably try harder on the ice. Three hits though...so I think that's six for the day? guess he heard me telling him he was being lame by not hitting everyone. 

No, I'm not drunk.

Not the best day, but three points out of six is better than nothing. 

You're drunk.

(425 words)