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ToeDragon84 · 06-26-2020, 04:37 PM

First of all we must announce our spokesman here at the ASSFCO over the past 3-some years. Jon Remery has been let go... Because... Well yeahhhhh. Four is too many, that's what they say anyways you know.

In his absence we've hired a fish with hands from the coast of New Chad or Libya as the local rebels refer to it. The fish with hands has written the following statements on behalf of the ASSFCO.

[Image: tmg-article_tall.jpg]

The Arabian Sea and South China Filling Company has a reputable history for creating basketball superstars*. We're 100% sure everyone has heard tales of excellence surrounding the Somalian banger, Ka'ron ExploSteve. ExploSteve spent some 32 years in the SBA and made billions of dollars after suing Kholer for getting stuck in their toilets multiple times. Resulting in serious bruising which ended his career extremely early. Likewise you've probably heard of the amazing 97 year old Canadian Detroit Velvet Smooth, who failed to get his 146 year old father (revived from death) out of prison. DVS is the Filling Companies premier client currently speaking. Today the ASSFCO. is proud to announce our search for a young, supple, smoo.. Strong ice hockey player to represent the ASSFCO. as our premier player in the Simulation Hockey League. Our search involved over 9.87 billion people from 326 nations within 4,269 miles of our headquarters in Oman. We've had the opportunity to see dozens of high tier players from France, Spain, and the Netherlands, given the three nations are completely controlled by Latin American powers as a result of the 2046-2069 re-conquests.

The ASSFCO. Mission Statement - All employees at the ASSFCO. must recite the following on rise, and before meals. Also if they ever get laid there's a rule they have to say it before and aft... But, you know.
"The sky. Blue to the eye, but we know blue is really the same cold and empty blackness as everything else inside. Through it whiteness of the moon cuts through, hanging there as a sliver of something other. Is it also the massive black thing entering us now? Was it always here? It's all the same; we are all the moon and the thing that enters itself where it cannot see."

The ASSFCO. have released the names of three of four individuals that have agreed to sign with the filling company. One of the following names could be the player we represent in the SHL. None have prior experience playing ice hockey, though we are confident they've each built moderate tolerances to heroin. That's bad ass, good enough for the ASSFCO.

Rustam Rustemev - Turgay, Kazakhstan

Daniyarbek Daniyarbekov - Aktogay, Kazakhstan

Mukhametkali Mukhametkaliov - Chulakkurgan, Kazakhstan

_________________________________________________________________

*: Fillers

ToeDragon84 · 06-26-2020, 04:39 PM

I didn't mean to title this bad i was just writing you know.

if someone wants to edit change it to 'good' please. Thank you.

FlappyGiraffe · 06-26-2020, 04:44 PM

Exciting times for Kazakhstan, the ASSFCO is giving them a great honor

***WannabeFinn*** · 06-26-2020, 04:46 PM

These are Tomen’s distant cousins, no?

Mack · 06-26-2020, 04:49 PM

G

Samsung virtual assistant · 06-26-2020, 04:50 PM

I'm impressed at the typing skills of this fish with hands

ztevans · 06-26-2020, 04:51 PM

Gonna be the best thing to happen to Kazakh hockey since Artom Zhumbayev.

ToeDragon84 · 06-26-2020, 05:26 PM

06-26-2020, 04:50 PMスウェグキング Wrote: I'm impressed at the typing skills of this fish with hands

It's a known fact fish with hands are capable of using things like small hand tools, gloves, and waterproof matches.

Samsung virtual assistant · 06-26-2020, 05:36 PM

06-26-2020, 05:26 PMToeDragon84 Wrote:
06-26-2020, 04:50 PMスウェグキング Wrote: I'm impressed at the typing skills of this fish with hands
It's a known fact fish with hands are capable of using things like small hand tools, gloves, and waterproof matches.

It doesn't hurt his image that he has a mohawk either

ToeDragon84 · 06-26-2020, 05:38 PM

06-26-2020, 05:36 PMスウェグキング Wrote:
06-26-2020, 05:26 PMToeDragon84 Wrote: It's a known fact fish with hands are capable of using things like small hand tools, gloves, and waterproof matches.

It doesn't hurt his image that he has a mohawk either

It's actually a hard hat. Fish with hands are bred to operate heavy machinery.

Samsung virtual assistant · 06-26-2020, 05:39 PM

06-26-2020, 05:38 PMToeDragon84 Wrote:
06-26-2020, 05:36 PMスウェグキング Wrote: It doesn't hurt his image that he has a mohawk either
It's actually a hard hat. Fish with hands are bred to operate heavy machinery.

wowowowow TIL, Thank u based Toe!

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