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Sean · 06-27-2021, 11:25 PM

Tony Pepperoni is the disappointing nephew of Tommy Salami. Pepperoni is a well known Vegan and large proponent of salad eating. He has been quoted as saying "Yes, indeed you can make friends with Salad".

Pepperoni grew up in a suburb just outside Hamilton and as a result is a devout Steelhawks fan. He has mentioned on numerous occasions that he cheers for them once the Blizzard are eliminated and some have even suggested he purposefully underperformed in the S51 and S53 finals to help Hamilton.

Pepperoni controversially signed a 13 year contract with the Blizzard in S49. The contract was originally slated to end in S62 but since Pepperoni wanted to add black olives to his 24/7 salad bar he needed to rake in a little extra dough. He purposefully terminated his contract with the blizzard to get an extra $1 million per season. When asked why he'd hurt the team to get more money, Pepperoni shrugged off the question and said you'd need more money to live in Edmonton too.

EDM All-Time Leader in Goals, Assists and Points

UrsinZ · 06-27-2021, 11:30 PM

Ursin Zimmermann is ghe worst hockey player for the Toronto Nort Stars. He plays in the position defenseman where a pile of shit would be more productive and more usefull then him.
When an opponent tries to score on the team ursin is on, he does not try to prevent the goal but helps the opponent with really really bad defending.
He barely had any season with a positive plus minus record which shows he sucks.
He makes his linemates look worse even tough they are playing great. If Adam Barron would play on a line with Ursin Zimmermann he would look like the worst rookie not like the best defender in the whole league.
But not also does he make his other defense partner worse he also takes away the line of sight from the own goalie every fucking time. It feels like he is trying to help the opponent to score. But he is just so fat that as soon as he steps on the ice the own goalie can not see anything else anymore.

JT3 · 06-27-2021, 11:31 PM

Noel Blanchet is a terrible ice hockey player for the Colorado Raptors. He looks like a 12 year old dutch girl. The reason his name is Noel is because every time he's on the ice it's like Christmas, gifting the other team with goals and turnovers. Blanchet sounds kinda like blanket, cause he's about as useful as a wet one when he's on the ice. He's been in the SMJHL for 4 years now, and that's a whole lot of time to be doing nothing. In fact, he must be pregnant, because he's missed the last 10 periods. My left nut dangles better than this guy. He must need some viagra cause he can't even get his shot up. 10 ply soft. 100% pigeon. Once got an award for being the best grocery stick on the team. In Midget they called him the lotto ticket cause he was scratched 90% of the time.

Credits to OrbitingDeath, Tweedle, Incite, Wasty, and Slothfacekilla for sigs!

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***Patty*** · 06-27-2021, 11:32 PM

***ProjectSaint*** · 06-27-2021, 11:43 PM

Ren-Ekelemchi Ahimizu-Okoli is the least loyal snake currently playing "defense"man for the Seattle Argozeros. After spending 4 years stealling a living from those more worthy to done the jersey of the Colorado Raptors, Ren has been called up for no explicit reason when he should have been forced to retire before even touching a puck in the SMJHL. During his 4 years killing the dinos, Ren has amassed a mediocre tally of point to combine with his clear lack of shot blocking. Rumours has it that if Ren ever touches a puck, his brittle bones will disintigrate. And as a result, he even fails to lay any valuable hits agianst his opponents. His only redeemable traits are his mobility and puckhandling, but his overreliance on those mediocre skills means that all teams has him locked down, making Ren the biggest waste of money to ever come around. I fee so sorry for the others who never got a chance in the SMJHL, because guys like Ren keep minutes more valuable to those are a truely skilled.

5ympathies · 06-27-2021, 11:45 PM

Dick Clapper is a huge dick head, who even likes that guy who plays on the top line of the Atlanta Inferno. WOAT of all time all star pick, somehow even worse than Monkey D. Luffy, who was not even selected as an all star this season. This guy is so bad he only has over 600 points in his career, the same career that is now coming to an end as he is in 15% regression. This dummy won't even make the Hall of Fame if he keeps this up. Two Razov noms and not even a single win, that just shows you how bad he is in the playoffs. He has made the finals 4 times with three different teams and has only one a single cup. Clapper really drags down his teammates to a worse level, other wise he should have won 3 out of the 4 times. New England against EDM was something else and nobody can fault him for that.

Thanks to JSS for the signature

supertardis101 · 06-27-2021, 11:49 PM

Billy Brooks is the biggest and most hugest jerk to ever grace the game of hockey! He is loud, mean disruptive, and overall just kind of a jerk to both the fans and his teammates and enemies on the ice. He is abrasive and angry and is always checking and huriting people that stand in his way. He lead the Beserkers in Hits and Penalty Minutes last year (I think I havent researched it) and that is just through pure unadultered hate. No wonder his render is Tom Wilson because he is a terrible hoceky player who can only make himself feel good by making other people hurt and cry out in pain. I think he plays unclean and uncool and I dont like what he is doing to the game of hockey. If I was his manager on the ice I would bench him and make him reconsider his ways before I ever let him step foot in the rink or play in a newfoundland jersey ever again. Screw Billy Brooks!!

***WannabeFinn*** · 06-27-2021, 11:56 PM

KEKW Kekkonen is a forward for the Colorado Raptors of the SMJHL and a known moron for thinking it would be funny to name himself after a meme. He's slotted on the 1st line this season, only adding to the burden that Noel Blanchet must carry. He was auto-drafted to the Buffalo Stampede, only because he wouldn't have been drafted otherwise. Kekkonen claims to be from Finland, but doesn't speak Finnish in any capacity. Curious. To this point, Kekkonen hasn't made much of a mark on the league or even just on his team. Which is weird because now we've talked about him for over 100 words. In a few seasons, Kekkonen will be called up to the Stampede, which will bring great joy to many Colorado fans. Future teammates have been rumored to accuse Kekkonen of coasting on the ice and being the dumbest guy in the room. It is rumored that he consumes his weight in meow mix every year.

Jackers41 · 06-28-2021, 12:00 AM

Affiliate- https://probaseballexperience.jcink.net/...ntry331531

***Hallsy*** · 06-28-2021, 12:29 AM

Hugh jazz is the worst player in the SHL, he just gets to play with a loaded roster that makes him look good, thats why he has the highest +/- in the league history. He really doesn't have the highest scoring player, he has never lead the league in scoring but he has benn lucky enough to be on for a lot of goals for and not enough goals against. People in Hamilton like his ability to maintain possession but I feel like thats something say because he cant score. He is one of the worst players an dhonestly I thimk Hamilton would be better without him as he doesnt really push the pace and he is just kind a bystander of one of the best shl teams ever, as they won 4 cups in 10 seasons. I think he will be looked upon as someone who cant win games by himself and he needs helps of his teammates to finish and create plays and goals,.

***Pythonic*** · 06-28-2021, 12:39 AM

Valtterri Kauppinen is a professional ice hockey player, who currently plays for the New Orleans Specters of the Simulation Hockey League. He is also a stinky loser who is the worst alternate captain on the team, and is far worse than his co-captain Vlastislav Malik, who is also the better player. He just can't score, nor can he pass the puck enough in order to get himself assists. In general, he is a hot-headed loser, with an ego too big for his small, pea sized head and brain. This also means that he is the worst player on the New Orleans Specters' current roster, and he should just go back to the Simulation Major Junior Hockey League where he belongs, playing for the bottom feeding team he was drafted to there in the Vancouver Whalers - and even then he shouldn't be on their roster, as he would clearly be the worst player to be out on the ice. He also wouldn't finish in the playoffs, just like the Toronto Maple Leafs' Auston Matthews.

@leafs1997 you will appreciate this

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