After one year in the SMJHL, Langston Hardison-Laurent has come to realize a few very important things that he has elected to share with us.
 
1.    Defense stats are overrated. I spent the better part of the year worrying about plus/minuses when really the best part is just lighting the lamp.
 
2.    Don’t be afraid to get physical. Over the course of this year, I’ve managed to accrue (x) PIM and had my first fight of my life. But what can I say? If you take a run at Fred Bread on my watch, we’re going to have a problem.
 
3.    Chirper should be renamed Y. “Why?” Do you ask? Exactly.
 
4.    Yukon is a lot colder than I was expecting. I didn’t say all the wisdom would be Hockey related. But yeah, bring a coat.
 
5.    As a famous clone once said, it’s just like the simulations. Everything in the game at a certain point is out of my hands. Just have to train hard and prepare as best I can and trust the coaches and head office to do their best.
 
6.    Woofing is fun. Everybody should do it. Don’t be afraid to be a little Ruff and Bark away.

7. If you yell at your GM enough, eventually they will do what you want.
 
Now into the Playoff Picture and Power Rankings Based on Loose Facts
 
1.     Vancouver Whalers. League rank: 1. Conference rank: 1. Division rank 1. The Whalers have been the clear number one team in the SMJHL this year with an insane goal differential, a roster of mostly veterans and a record of 47-16-3. They have scored the second most goals out of anyone this regular season (285) and allowed the fewest (178). Parade routes have been planned; speeches are ready. For the Whalers, it’s a championship or bust.
 
2.     Maine Timber. League rank: 2. Conference rank: 1. Division rank 1. The Timber made a surge late this season in what could be described as a “don’t forget about us” mentality. They will also need to work on their Power Play and Penalty Kill. Maine was also hampered by being in the most stacked division in the SMJHL, but they pushed through in an incredible late season run that stunned the league. They say momentum can be the biggest difference maker and the Timber have plenty of it. They ended up scoring the most goals as a team with 299 and they managed to spoil the Whalers' clean sweep of the best plus minuses in the SMJHL this season. With time to rest and watch their next felling victim go through the first round, the axes are being sharpened for a deep run.
 
3.     Nevada Battleborn. League rank: 4. Conference rank: 3. Division rank 3. Thomas Sawschuck. Thomas has been the hero, the main character, the isekai protagonist, whatever you want to call them, for Nevada all season. He just missed out on having the most points in the SMJHL by 1 point so he will likely be playing angry. If Nevada is to advance to and win the finals, Sawschuck will need to keep his game where it is and have his teammates (who have been having a good year as well) bring themselves to Thomas’ level or raise his own game to unprecedented heights. Since they will be missing out on a bye, I pity the Kraken who have to face them in the first round. Nevada had been in second place to the Whalers, even mirroring the amount of goals that the Whalers were scoring as late as the three quarter mark of the season. In that time, not only did the Armada pass them, but the Timber sprinted by them as well. Have they run out of steam? Likely not, but it's a reporter's job to ask questions.
 
4.     Anchorage Armada. League rank: 3. Conference rank: 2. Division rank 2. The Armada has been able to rally around Goalie Stun Gun as a bastion all year. In head-to-head series, I think that Gun’s performances will be the X factor that brings the Armada out on top. Since they will be denied the first-round bye due to sharing a division with the Battleborn and the Timber, the Armada are the heavy favorites in a first round against the Great Falls. One of the main reasons they are not higher on this list is that we are pretty sure the Grizzlies won't be testing the Armada too much.
 
5.     Regina Elk. League rank: 5. Conference rank: 2. Division rank 1. Mercedes Baylé will try to be the hero Regina needs in the playoffs. With many other good teams in the playoffs, the Elk will rely on their player who is having an MVP caliber season. The Elk have won more than their fair share of games this year, but have not dominated like the top 4 teams have. That being said, a win is a win, especially in playoffs. They will enjoy some nice time off before their appearance in the second round.

6.     Newfoundland Berserkers. League rank: 6. Conference rank: 3. Division rank 2. The Berserkers have been even tempered this season and are probably the most consistent of every team in the SMJHL this season. However, entering the playoffs with a negative point differential will be a hard one to explain, but they do win their games and in fact had more in the W column than Regina. We will have to see if they have the clutch gene. They face off against the Scarecrows next week.
 
7.     Quebec City Citadelles. League rank: 7. Conference rank: 4. Division rank 2. Okay, so a few weeks ago, I called the Raptors the most exciting team in the SMJHL. I’m not saying that I was wrong, but I will say that the Citadelles are exceptional this season. A roster that can mostly be described at rookies is tearing up the league and Celeste Desjardins is the highest scoring rookie of the regular season. With a team of new blood, anyone can step up at any time. They are young, active, and excited to make a name for themselves. Despite being seventh in the standings, they have a fantastic point differential of +27 which is fifth best in the league and better than two teams ahead of them in the standings. Of course, Jeff Hunziker is expected to lead the charge after a fantastic regular season where he lead the league in goals (52) and points (103), but this teams ability to capitalize on opportunities could make them a serious dark horse contender. In fact, they are my dark horse team. Facing Detroit will be an excellent test of their young players in the first round.

8.     Yukon Malamutes. League rank: 10. Conference rank: 5. Division rank 1. The Malamutes will need to hit a hot streak in playoffs like they often do. Jim Wen has been upstanding in the net for the Malamutes, but they are hoping that Theodore Svatos continues his excellent form and maybe even closer to his league leading number of goals that he had last season. High flying rookies like Fred Bread and Tentacles will need to continue their great regular season performances as well. Thankfully, they get to enjoy a bye thanks to their weak division.
 
9.     St. Louis Scarecrows. League rank: 9. Conference rank: 6. Division rank 3. The Scarecrows need to work on their offensive output, but they will likely need a few heroes to emerge before we can start thinking about a deep run for them. They should at least be entertaining with Heavy Hitter and current most fights winner Bog Damsel. The Scarecrows might have a pretty good chance of pulling the upset over on Newfoundland. The Scarecrows know how to batten down the hatches and play hard-nosed hockey. Despite their low scoring, they can also allow very few goals. They say defense wins championships, but is mostly in other sports.

10.  Detroit Falcons. League rank: 8. Conference rank: 5. Division rank 3.  Mephistopheles Morgonstjarna has been excellent on the blue line for the Falcons. The second-year player will look to help lead their team further in the playoffs. The Falcons will need to clamp down defensively, but their main problem will be producing goals as they had the (second) fewest in the regular season. Up against the young and fast scoring Citadelles, this could be a problem.
 
11.  Carolina Kraken. League rank: 11. Conference rank: 5. Division rank 2. The Kraken have had a quiet year, but have solid goaltending. The Kraken still have solid players across the roster and could upset anyone. They toiled in the weakest division this season and still lost out on winning it. Hopefully, these Cephalopods have been reserving their strength for March. They are going to need it with a tough series ahead with the Battleborn looking angry after not only losing their second place, but losing their bye.
 
12. Great Falls Grizzlies. League rank: 14. Conference rank: 7. Division rank 3. And here they are. The Grizzlies have limped into the playoffs despite an abysmal season. They were the worst team in the league points wise, even losing out on the ROW tie break to the Knights. They had the worse plus-minus in the league, and the fewest goals for. They managed to sneak in thanks to being in a 3 team division, but really this should be cakewalk for the Armada. Chaos will likely be the name of the game for the Grizzlies if they want any hope of moving on. Unfortunately the solid goal tending and defense of the Armada will make that very hard for them to pull off. They could get a win if they catch the fleet in port, but do not hold your breath.

Predictions for the First Round:

Battleborn 4-1 over Kraken. The Kraken have done a decent job defensively, but I believe the Battleborn will simply overwhelm them.

Armada 4-0 over Grizzlies. The number 3 team versus the last place team in the league. Anyway you slice it, expect ships sailing up the river unopposed by the falls.

Citadelles 4-2 over Falcons. I expect a little bit of youth to show here, but the Citadelles have been so good this year that I can't see Detroit beating them.

Berserkers 4-3 over Scarecrows. This is one where I really could see a scenario in which the Scarecrows advance, but I can't hate on Newfoundland when they have been able to play very well as a team this year.

Will picking only the favorites come back to bite me in the butt? Probably, but that's why they are the favorites and that's why they are predictions. Good luck to all the teams this playoffs season and adieu to the Raptors who gave us plenty of entertainment and to the Knights who managed to not get last place.
 
Reporting irregularly in Yukon by Tapper Ib-Arelinoher, The Yukon Duwitt News “Woof” February 29th, 2040.
 
WC: 2043