Tomorrow starts preseason. I am not sure if I am excited or scared. Definately apprehensive. 

The locker room has been a buzz since the end of training camp. Twenty alphas. Just your regular locker room dick measuring contest. Nothing new, the faces change, but mostly, the story stays the same.

I am more comfortable being quiet. I like to watch. A conversation voyer.  They make me laugh. This room is a wild room. You have your vets, they like to pass down knowledge. I listen, I may not answer, but im listening. Then you have the rookies. Boisterous, and hilarious. 

Robinson, the goalie, is a giant. Also,  a maniac. Dank, hippo and Tobias remind me a little of the three stooges, they are a lot smarter than they act. Wolfard and Marc are those guys you want to hate but you can't. Walking the line of confidence and over- confidence. They are all good. Very good. Better than me. 

Speaking of better than me, are my line mates. Vlady and liam. They are more quiet like me, but in practice, its constant chatter.

I feel bad. I feel bad for Pingu, Lagerfield and Jones. They have to keep our shit together on the ice. Most of the team being rookies has to be hard. 

Rookies or not. There is an air of confidence. Maybe that is what makes me so uneasy. I am used to pessimism. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Knowing everyone else on the team is better than me, what can I contribute? What do I add? What the he'll do I have to offer?

Effort. That is what I have. That is what I can give. One hundred percent on and off the ice. I may not have the most lit memes in the locker room, but I'm watching. Listening. Learning. 

I'm not excited. I'm not scared. I'm not apprehensive. I'm ready.