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bana · 12-31-2018, 05:48 AM

This off-season the league made some drastic decisions quickly (they were needed) and we got to witness the revival of two great, once upon a time SMJHL teams. One of these fortunate teams to come back to life were the Anaheim Outlaws. Now, without going to far into the history books (I don't own a SMJHL history book, I'm poor), they were around a VERY long time ago - so it's sort of special that they made a return to the league. For me especially, because over 40 seasons ago if not mistaken, I was a proud little warrior for the Anaheim Outlaws. This off-season, we got wind that the league was looking to expand. The pre-planning begun, a GM was named in complete secrecy but the information was leaked. SHL Commissioners, also secretly, got GM's to send them protect lists earlier so that they could complete everything ahead of schedule so it was quick, easy and painless. Unfortunately, they faxed the information to The Hockey News by mistake and the rest was history. @Dangles13 named Hiro Fujikawa (my player) as team captain and I made it my mission to lead this organization to the best of my ability. The first order of business for myself was to get the players situated and ready for the season and to let them know us older guys have their backs out there. The next thing for me is always morale and activity. What you're doing as a team benefits you on and off the ice, so this off-season prior to the pre-season firing up, we decided to have ourselves a full summer of fun to get chemistry flowing for the upcoming season. To say the least, it was a pretty eventful and wild summer.

Let's Reminisce - Shall we?

The Search for the North Pole

You have to remember that in a majority of these juniors leagues.. well, actually, all of these leagues is that they consist of young professional athletes, who have stumbled upon big money and want to party their fucking brains out. With experience, Fujikawa's agent advised him against this as partying leads to poor performance. "The best way to not do it, is to do it hard". To kick the summer off, the Outlaws thought it was best to get some things checked off their bucket lists and one of them was Shrooms. They ended up getting mega grams of mush for the evening, got in a couple jets and flew themselves out to search for the North Pole.

They found themselves at the North Pole, still tripping their asses off when Polar Bear appeared from around a distant Cherry tree. He commanded the teammates in native Japanese tongue to leave the area immediately, as his wife (polar bears finance to be) was on her period and fucking up everything in her path. The boys boarded the plane and went back to Fujisawa's suite in Tokyo.

Made in China

The next adventure the guys found themselves on was a trip to China. On the planes to the North Pole, @GCool asked some of his teammates if they thought fast food was the same in China as it is in their own countries. @Tijo126 put $25,000 down that it would be completely normal and exactly what you would get here, while @Segi knew better and countered the offer. While Sergz is from Switzerland, he knows better than to expect normal from China and lets just say, he was right.

The first stop in China that they made was to the nearest McDonald's. It's what you would have expected. The golden arch, smell of dirty grease and ass, but fuck - does it taste good. They ordered the usual stuffs you'd get in a mcdonalds in the states, expect for a few mystery items that they noticed they would sell to the fellow Asians and not the hockey teams. Upon leaving, the boys made it their mission to find out what was behind the secrecy. The next night, they bought some spy gear from Canadian Tire (I guess it's in China) and went in the wee late hours to do some surveying. They have brought forward to the US supreme Health People that the Chinese do in fact cook with cat. @SpartanGibbles and @Nebula have already booked tickets to go back next summer as they found themselves to love the cultural McDonald's Chinese food.

AMAZING RACE - Outlaws Edition

Stages:

1. Train ride in Canada - Vancouver to Edmonton - Kiss the first cop you see and then head to an airport.
2. Flight from Edmonton to Las Vegas --> Have to spend 25,000 at the casino. If you win, you have to donate it to Africa.
3. Wild Buffalo ride from Vegas to Texas --> Take part in a rodeo and last more than 5 seconds on a bull named "Penis Burner".
4. Hot air ballon ride from Texas to Anaheim --> The flight should take a long ass time. ETA is 3 days. Food will be provided by Skip The Dishes and Fluber, the flying Uber.

At the end of the season, they voted on some shitty awards on their thoughts on the summer over some hang over breakfast at Denny's. The awards went out as:

Person to have drank the most: Mathias Seger @Segi
Person to have had the most nose beers: Sean Watson @Giordano_5
Person to have spent the most money: Thornton Opperman @Copperm
Person to have ate the most dirty, greasy food: Alexei Ivanov @JoeyOCanada
Person to have most likely gotten herpes from a cheap hooker: Mike Hunt @AtlasHunter
Person to have a news article come out about their summer partying and be fired: @Dangles13
Person to have likely gotten married while in Vegas: Keegan Angello @Angello
Person most likely to purchase a hot air balloon now: Vital Kravstov @SmokedSalmon
Who spent more time puking than they did drinking? Jaune Attend @Tijo126

= 1,072 words. Bless that fake, online SHL crypto.