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*slothfacekilla* · 04-15-2019, 05:05 PM

(2x Draft Media, 996 Words before formatting [hopefully]. Tony please don't take offense, this was just a way for me to keep the meme alive about being underpaid.)

SLOW JAMS volume 4: Slothface vs. Ford

Last season, we here at Slow Jams took a look at the contracts signed by every draft pick in the Season 46 SHL draft: Slow Jams Volume 3. At many hours of bullshit and just under 5,300 words, the researchers and writers here at Slow Jams lost their collective minds putting together that article and threatened management with a strike if they were put on the same assignment for the Season 47 draft. After a few weeks of tough negotiations, management was able to secure a freelancer to write about what the people want to know the most: a comparison between the contracts of Jimmy Slothface from the S46 Draft and Tony Ford from the S47 Draft. These players were both chosen because they were drafted 6th overall, and it is an easier comparison than comparing and entire draft class to each other (or just to Jimmy Slothface, we here at Slow Jams do not have the hustle to go back and read that monstrosity from last season). We will see how each player performed in their rookie SMJHL season stats-wise, and the look at the contracts it earned them from their respective SHL teams.

Jimmy Slothface's S45 SMJHL Rookie Season raiders

:

Games Played: 50

Goals: 11

Assists: 16

Total Points: 27

+/-: +3

Penalty Minutes: 8

Shots Blocked: 5

Shots: 119

Power Play Points: 10

Penalty Kill Minutes: 0

Average Minutes Per Game: 18.23

Jimmy Slothface's SHL Contract Specters

:

S46: $2,000,000

S47: $2,000,000

S48: $2,000,000

Total Value: $6,000,000

Tony Ford's S46 SMJHL Rookie Season Armada

:

Games Played: 50

Goals: 3

Assists: 7

Total Points: 10

+/-: -4

Penalty Minutes: 28

Shots Blocked: 51(!!)

Shots: 32

Power Play Points: 1

Penalty Kill Minutes: 110

Average Minutes Per Game: 18.91

Tony Ford's SHL Contract Platoon

:

S46: $1,000,000
S47: $4,000,000
S48: $4,000,000

Total Value: $9,000,000

This is going to be a very tough comparison as Jimmy Slothface is a forward and Tony Ford is a defenseman, but we can draw some conclusions. Although definitely not a fair comparison, Slothface takes the point production easily between the two players. But not only is Slothface a forward, but he also saw over 120 more minutes on the power play than Ford did, which obviously opened up many more opportunities for Slothface. So it really is no surprise that Slothface had just below three times the amount of points and ten times the amount of power play points as the young Ford. While the two players did have similar average times on ice, with Slothface at 18.23 on his rookie year and Ford at 18.91, Slothface did benefit highly from the more offensively oriented minutes compared to the S46 season for Ford. This is only highlighted further by Slothface putting up nearly 4 times the amount of shots as Ford. Who could have seen that coming from a forward versus a defenseman?

The differences between the two are only further highlighted by their penalty kill time: Tony Ford was counted on to log 110 penalty kill minutes in his rookie season, whereas the Halifax Raiders instead hid Slothface on the bench during penalty kills where he did not see a single penalty kill minute. This just goes to show where Ford's value truly lies when you are looking outside of points. In fact, just looking at their blocked shots will also paint a picture of two opposites: Tony Ford finished his rookie campaign with 51 shots blocked while Jimmy Slothface accidentally stepped in front of merely 5 shots in his first season. Slothface did manage to keep the gap in hits close, putting up 37 hits to Ford's 43. But it is definitely clear that Ford's value comes in his defensive game.

So where does that leave us with the contracts? Thankfully, both players signed the maximum three year term on their entry level contracts so we are at least leveling the playing field a bit. In the first season of each contract, Slothface actually doubles Ford's initial salary with his $2 million pay day versus Ford's paltry $1 million offering. If I had more hustle in me I would go take a look at West Kendall's budget and see if they were strapped for cash. Or I guess I could ask JR in the Halifax locker room. But honestly I'm a bit upset that they stole Ross from us last season so he doesn't get the great distinction of talking to me today. So we will just say their cap space is what forced WKP to give Ford such a low first year salary. After that though, it is no contest. Despite doubling up in the first season, Slothface's contract remains stagnant at $2 million per year through the next two seasons. Tony Ford's deal on the other hand balloons to $4 million per year for both his remaining years, putting his total contract value at $9 million versus the total of $6 million for Slothface.

We reached out to Jimmy Slothface for a comment on the disparity in contract values, but Slothface declined to comment on this article as a whole yet provided a short statement: "I believe I've already discussed this topic with Slow Jams, so I am not going to repeat my points. Tony Ford is a great player and a very good defenseman, we had some hard battles last season and I look forward to doing it again next season. I'm not going to comment on his contract, but I will say that I should have fired my agent a long time ago. Now if you will excuse me I have to go dig in the dumpsters behind the grocery store so that I can eat tonight."

Let us know in the comments what you think about the two contracts. Personally here at Slow Jams we think Jimmy Slothface should be pleased he received a contract at all, just look at his sophomore season in the SMJHL.

TnlAstatine · 04-15-2019, 05:11 PM

do me

*slothfacekilla* · 04-15-2019, 05:20 PM

04-15-2019, 05:11 PMTnlAstatine Wrote: do me

It's $10 for a BJ, $12 for an HJ, $15 for a ZJ

I gotta pay my bills

TnlAstatine · 04-15-2019, 05:24 PM

04-15-2019, 05:20 PMslothfacekilla Wrote:
04-15-2019, 05:11 PMTnlAstatine Wrote: do me

It's $10 for a BJ, $12 for an HJ, $15 for a ZJ

I gotta pay my bills

whats a ZJ

*slothfacekilla* · 04-15-2019, 05:26 PM

04-15-2019, 05:24 PMTnlAstatine Wrote:
04-15-2019, 05:20 PMslothfacekilla Wrote: It's $10 for a BJ, $12 for an HJ, $15 for a ZJ

I gotta pay my bills

whats a ZJ

If you have to ask, you can't afford it.

***bluesfan55*** · 04-15-2019, 06:15 PM

there are no slow jam suggestions in this piece
10 out of 10 would not read again
misleading title

ty to @High Stick King @EvilAllBran and @Ragnar for the sigs

*slothfacekilla* · 04-15-2019, 06:29 PM

04-15-2019, 06:15 PMbluesfan55 Wrote: there are no slow jam suggestions in this piece
10 out of 10 would not read again
misleading title

And for real, I will.

Fordyford · 04-15-2019, 09:51 PM

1 mil was the entire remaining cap of WKP because 0 contracts ended this season.... Also you forgot my juicy penalty minutes. See you when we win gold medal in IIHF because I keep setting you up... (you are way underpaid get a better team bro. What is it with NOLA and their 2 mil AAV contracts they're worthless.)

***bluesfan55*** · 04-16-2019, 08:14 AM

04-15-2019, 06:29 PMslothfacekilla Wrote:
04-15-2019, 06:15 PMbluesfan55 Wrote: there are no slow jam suggestions in this piece
10 out of 10 would not read again
misleading title

And for real, I will.

good