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UberBJ · 12-03-2023, 05:55 PM

OPTION 1 - Rock that dad bod

How will we win the cup? With the hardest, longest shifts ever known to man. We will be not boys, but men. The strongest trees in the forest. Unbreakable in the strongest storms.

First and foremost we expect Gumba Stolemamoneys to make a huge transition to second line C where his physicality will be punishing to those weak ass teams like Detroit and Nevada. They're going to call him a magician because he's going to be doing so many hat-tricks. (Closest thing to a dad joke I've got fam).

We can also expect another masterclass from the illuminati that run the team, with South Paw and Toast colluding with the ever scheming KaleSalad on how to outwit the opponents.

Most of all, the new trees of the forest (draftees for the non-Maine people) are expected to be a sturdy crop who will contribute heavily by seasons end.

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152 words

Crunk · 12-03-2023, 06:47 PM

ISFL Affiliate

*UptownCord* · 12-03-2023, 07:13 PM

It is certainly obvious to me that the New Orleans Specters are destined to win the cup championship off of th back of their defense and goaltenders. After all, their play is so frightening that the opposing skaters will be shaking in their skates! They won't be able to line up a shot if they tried! And that's not to say that the forwards are slouches! They are so fast and shoot the pick so hard that the opposing goalies will have their eyes closed out of fright! Talk about frightening! They will certainly improve from last season, hit the over, and break into the playoffs, upsetting the rest of the western conference along the way. And last but not least is NOLA's secret weapon, the famed ghost coach Joe. God we love Joe. The players reach their max potential out of both love and fear for their spooky skipper!

High Stick King · 12-03-2023, 07:35 PM

Quote:Written Task: Describe how your team is going to win the cup this season, because obviously they are. Include at least one dad joke.

The Winnipeg Aurora are going to win the cup because, lets face it, we're the sexiest team in the league. The pure sexual aurora that emanates from the team is far too alluring to the other players in the league and causes opponents to feel extremely uneasy and confused. It is similar in the way Austin Powers uses his sex appeal to fight evil, the Aurora players exude virility with every flexing muscle and glistening drop of sweat.

The downside to all of this is the jealousy of the refs who often penalize the sexy Aurora players for taking attention away from them. This is something we've all had to learn to live with. The downside of being so god damn beautiful. Life has its challenges at times. Just recently Jarrow was given a penalty when the ref asked why he wore #13. Jarrow responded "Why didn’t 1 get together with 3? They weren’t ready to try a three-sum." and got handed out a 10 minute misconduct tech for it.

Pure jealousy.

***aleks*** · 12-03-2023, 07:35 PM

[Image: pranked.png?ex=657f874e&is=656d124e&hm=5...y=lossless]

MyLittleHexx · 12-03-2023, 07:38 PM

OPTION 2 - monkaS

For the Calgary Dragons, the season comes down to the final game of the season against their rival. Rumours are swirling that the Dragons are willing to do anything to win, no matter the cost. All that matters is that they win, and that they don't get caught. Currently it is being suggested that the Dragons are contemplating turning off the chillers for the rink for the night, and turning them back on so that the ice will be more soft and slushy ice. The team has been reportedly practicing at a local ice rink that has been run down, in the hopes that it will prepare them for the soft ice in the final game. In addition, it has been heard that the maintenance staff have been seen replacing the away team bench. Everything looks the same, but reports are coming out that the bench makes an annoying creaking noise every time a player sits down, and that it is so loose that the bench moves a full foot from it's original position.

Z-Whiz · 12-03-2023, 07:38 PM

Atlanta will win the cup just like they have every other season for the last 11 seasons. It’s crazy we just keep winning all the championships. Some people tell me we didn’t, but I don’t know, I’m gonna chose to believe we won cuz that’s cooler. Speaking of cooler, I need a new one for all the cold beers I drink during the games. That’s another reason we keep winning all the titles. I play better drunk as I can’t feel pain. That may also be why I think we’ve won every title cuz I’m to drunk to remember. Wait, remember? I hardly know her! Anyway, more reasons Atlanta will win the title is because both myself and Angles McPoop the 69th are two of the best d-men in the history of the league. Everyone knows defense wins championship and that’s exactly what we’ll do for the 12th time in a row.

NJBadApple · 12-03-2023, 07:55 PM

Our path to the cup this season is as clear as fresh ice. We're not just a hockey team; we're a force of nature on skates. Our offense is as relentless as a determined taxi driver, smoothing out any obstacles in our way. Our forwards are more precise than a slapshot in sudden death OT, and they're scoring goals faster than you can say, 'Why did the hockey player bring string to the game? To tie up the score!' The defense is tighter than a hockey mom's grip on a thermos full of hot cocoa in the stands. They're checking opponents with the precision of someone making sure the ice isn't too thin. We're leaving our opponents colder than the rink after the Zamboni does its job. Our goalie is a brick wall, stopping pucks like they're bad dad jokes. Why do they put barcodes on the back of Norwegian ships? So they can Scandinavian.

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Evok · 12-03-2023, 07:57 PM

**RomanesEuntDomus** · 12-03-2023, 08:02 PM

So you want me to talk about how my team is going to win the cup this season? Didn't you mean "how my team is going to win the cup this season AGAIN"? Does this count as a dad joke already or is it just plain old cockiness? In any case, and on a more serious note, I think for us this season is gonna be all about the mental side of things. Cup hangovers are a very real phenomenon and we can't let that creep in this year. We might have one the challenge Cup last season but there are quite a few juggernaut teams in the league that will require us to extract every last bit of performance from our team if we want to be able to beat them over a season game series. Another thing that will be very important this season is growth, a bunch of our core players that already played a big role last season are still relatively young, so some of them might be able to bring their game to the next level with another year of experience under their belts as well!

***Citizen of Adraa*** · 12-03-2023, 08:02 PM

option 2

Ok, so let's first establish the archrival. In recent seasons, there wasn't much rivaling going on, but the playoffs before the rebuild always introduced a tough opponent to face - Philly. Forge has been a bit of a sparing partner for Manhattan for a decent bit, so that's where we need to strike. Now, what's Philly's biggest strength? Their goaltending, more specifically, BASE PACK. What do we also know about goaltenders? Well, let's just say that willingly putting yourself in a way of pieces of rubber flying at those speeds takes a person of some kind. That leaves us with a person that often does very particular things very particularly. What to do? Oh just sneakily observe BASE PACK on every home game at the MSG, learn the habits, figure out how they rank in terms of importance, their order, their intenstiy, and then just subtly fuck up *every single one of them*. Oh, you like doing your tennis ball practice in the hall outside? Maybe there is a construction that doesn't let you. Oh you like a specific meal from let's say, Burger King? This one is pricy, but making sure Burger Kings near the stadium ain't got that on order could be massively helpful. Make sure charging doesn't work, so no music can be played unless preplanned. Get things loud and angry, so there is no space to concentrate and chill out. Ice baths? Oh sorry the freezer is broken we don't have ice. The psychological edge of a nervous, out of rhythm goalie? Priceless.

Arkz · 12-03-2023, 08:22 PM

How is this team going to win the cup? Simple, sheer attrition. We are going to go out there and simply outlast everyone else on the ice and in the league. We'll be doing everything from maximum hits, to a high tempo system, and also playing next to no defense so that the other team tires themselves out during the game. Imagine how heavy your arms will be in the third period after you've all taken ten plus shuts so far in the game. Once that happens, and the other squad is out of juice, its time to cash in and score some goals on our end. Once more, the opponent's goalie will have been so bored in the first two periods that by the third, he's basically asleep or completely ice cold. There are clearly no downsides to this plan, and will certainly hold up during an entire 80 game season. So, who wants to be first and are they going to be working hard or hardly working?

***Whitecap*** · 12-03-2023, 08:33 PM

Prompt 1

The Panthers have improved greatly over the past few seasons, so much so that they became heavy favourites for the cup this season. The team improved in all positions, and the core players were getting hungrier for success. After going a perfect 66-0 throughout the season, on the back of perfect goaltending that did not allow a single goal all year, the team steamrolled through the playoffs going a perfect 16-0. The team did finally allow a few goals in the finals but no one's perfect. Svoboda scored a record 100 goals with a shooting percentage of 23% that the pundits consistently told him was "unsustainable", whatever that means. The first undefeated season in SHL history created for a huge amount of celebration in the city of LA, as the team and their fans were very excited to win their first cup in almost 10 seasons.

As far has the joke, I don't tell dad jokes, because he never laughs at them.

162 words

*SimmiZ* · 12-03-2023, 08:44 PM

ISFL affiliate

***Ace*** · 12-03-2023, 08:51 PM

Ok, so who would the Aurora’s arch rival be now? Perhaps Edmonton? Anyway, Lord Farquaads would go into the locker room and destroy the Blizzard’s espresso machine. This would certainly neuter the Blizz, and hopefully mitigate Justin Time’s ability to mentally manipulate time and space. If the Aurora can get the edge in net by limiting Edmonton’s caffeine intake, it’s got to be a win for Winnipeg.

Additionally, it’ll be important for the Aurora to neuter Eggward Elric and Oles Kobliska. We’ve already hired a few random Edmontonians to sabotage their cars. These individuals will wait until the wee hours of the night and then slash their tires to hopefully prevent them from being able to make it to the arena.

Finally, Ace will fabricate a comprehensive and compelling case of tampering against the Blizzard’s front office, bringing down their management team from within. It will be a surgical strike, and no one will be the wiser when it’s all done.

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