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ACapitalChicago · 12-20-2020, 01:42 PM

Amongst teams, the Calgary Dragons come out on top for this incredible battle royale. Between all the teams, the Calgary Dragons have an actual dragon representing them. This results in an easy win compared to any other SHL franchise. Dragons can take down jets in the air, they'll breathe fire on renegades to defeat them, sailors can't pierce their armor and get burnt as well, lions have little to no chance against them, ghosts aren't real obviously so New Orleans has no chance, kings constantly send other people to slay the dragon and can't face them themselves so the monarchs die, panthers are similar to lions so they lose as well, blizzards aren't sentient so they just go away easily, stars follow the same mentality, barracuda are just literal fish so they die, wolves get burnt like panthers like lions, as do bulls because that's sooooo original, along with birds, mafia members, and eagles. The only potential challenge are phoenixes, which won't do much since Dragons resist fire. EZ GAME EZ LIFE.

S66 Damian Littleton

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juke · 12-20-2020, 02:04 PM

For the Newfoundland Berserkers locker room, I'd like to think that there's a lot of creative ways to envision who the winners would be in an all-out battle royal, but if we're being honest the real answer is none other than clean Andrei, for many reasons. We all know the dude is nuts, but with a career total of 348 hits in his time in NL (the franchise leader for players with 4 seasons or less), he has the physical prowess and capabilities to back it up. Not to mention, I think he's had to fight a plethora of wild animals in his forest home, making the rest of the NL locker a cake walk in comparison. However the man we just sadly shipped out today, Livius, would make it one hell of a showdown opponent. Standing in at an immense 6'3", 300 lbs, Livius has a career fight record of 23-10 in his time in the J, and has had a 15 fighting rating in 3 of his 5 seasons. Livius would have the physical and fighting advantage, but Andrei has the 'it' factor. All I know is that I would probably find a way to lose early enough in the battle royale that I wouldn't need to face off against either of them.

raymond3000 · 12-20-2020, 02:27 PM

If the Texas Renegades player were to participate in a battle royale, who would come out on top? Lets start by looking at the physical stature of the Renes roster. Texas has quite the tall team, with the entire team standing 5'11" or higher and with Andreas Kvalheim and Kaarlo Kekkonen the tallest at 6'5". Horvat, Williams, Kavanagh, and Goodman are 6'3" or taller as well. These players will have a wingspan advantage in any physical fights. Weight is another important attribute to measure a players fighting potential. At 230 lbs, Goodman is the heaviest player on the team, with Horvat and Scianna right behind him. Lastly, experience is king in any sort of battle royale, and only a few Renegades have any sort of fighting experience. As a team, the Renes did not have a single fight in either S55 or S56 so this battle royale may turn out to be more of a pillow fight than a bloodbath. However, Adam Scianna does have three fights this season, so I'd give him the advantage in the Renes battle royale.

SFresh3 · 12-20-2020, 02:37 PM

Looking at the Toronto North Star line up and I think there is only one way to make it a fair fight, and that is to put everyone up against Juni Panda. This man lives and breathes fighting in every conversation that we have in the Locker Room. Any time someone walks in that door for practice, he asks them if they want to throw down before it begins. His best competition in the fight would be from the current Goon of the North Stars, Ruslan Zaporozhets. Ruslan has been able to go toe to toe with Juni in any of his shenanigans, but Juni just has too much energy for Ruslan to keep up. There was even one day early in the season where Ryosuke Sato and Luffy Richards tried to gang up on him to make it a two versus one, but Juni just held Ryosuke in a head lock while beating up Luffy with his free hand.

Quote:160 words

Jorec · 12-20-2020, 02:43 PM

I think that everyone would be surprised at how a Timber Maine battle royale would turn out. You might think that, one a team that is populated by some of the biggest, strongest and by far meanest players in the Juniors that someone like Rikard Bjerg would take the day but you’d be wrong. It would be Adrik Baranov. Why would it be him you say? Isn’t he that defenceman that faffs about, skating like the wind down the ice and firing pucks ineffectually at the opposing goalies crest? And yes, sometimes he is that but he’s also been under appreciated his entire career and that has lead to a lot of simmering resentment and rage. If this season has proven anything, it’s that he has a mean streak to him. All it would take would be a chance to let it out. To become the Russian berserker who will destroy all who oppose him. All that speed, endurance and agility would let him dart around his opponents, outrun those he can’t win against immediately and ultimately win the battle royale.

181 words

LimJahey · 12-20-2020, 02:59 PM

ISFL PT

MrStennett · 12-20-2020, 04:08 PM

PBE PT Affiliation

*rum_ham* · 12-20-2020, 04:23 PM

Clawing his way to the top of the snow-covered Tampa Bay Mountain is Barracudda prospect, TURG TURG. With sweat glistening off of his skin, TURG brushes the dirt off of his Tampa Bay jersey. Using his sleeve, he wipes away the dried blood on his face from his battle with rookie, Panda Panico. He feels where his unibrow once was, as it was ripped clean off in his fight with Tom Fiddler. His ribs battered and bruised from his kicking match with Zoltan Topalo. For a moment, he looks down at the bustling city of Tampa Bay. He smiles a toothless smile, taking a moment to let his accomplishments sink in. He is truly the toughest player in the Tampa Bay Barracuda organization.

HONK HONK.

A 18 WHEELER TRUCK POUNDS UP THE MOUNTAIN. TURG TURNS AROUND JUST IN TIME FOR THE LISCENSE PLATE TO PUNT HIM IN THE 4HED. TURG FLIES INTO THE AIR AND OFF THE MOUNTAIN WITH THE IMPRINT OF THE LISENS PLAT ON HIS HEAD READIN: "2 FITTED'. THE TRUCK STOPS AND YOUR BOI FITTED JUMPS OUT OF THE DRIVERS SEART. HE JUMPS ON THE ROOF OF THE TRUCH. HE SHOTGUNS A BEER AND SHREDS A GUITAR RIFF. FITTED IS CHAMPION! FITTED WINS BATTLE ROYLE!!!!1!

**JaytheGreat** · 12-20-2020, 04:42 PM

The battle plan during a battle royale would be interesting for New England. (Clean) Andrei Kostitsyn would move around the battlefield very cleanly has we just walks up to people and stabbing them then just walking away like nothing happened. Slap McShotty is more of the long range attacker, a master of ranged weapons like bows, guns, javelins, and spears, if Slap has you in his sites you won't be around for very long. Dom Montgomery is the bad ass hand to hand fighter who has master almost every form of hand to hand combat. Once you find yourself in close quarters with Dom it's game over for you. Last but certainly not least is Frans Eller, rumored to have Viking warrior ancestors Eller would make them proud. Frans charging in with sword and shield in hand, Eller is the tank that runs into a ground and leaves a trail of death and destruction behind him.

Rest In Peace Dangel

1st SHL Goal - S52 Game 1 vs Tampa 3. New England Wolfpack , Jakub Bruchevski 1 (Eko Van Otter 1, Delver Fudgeson 2) at 8:10

Scarecrows

Renomitsu · 12-20-2020, 04:45 PM

Looking at the Buffalo roster, I’d say we have a number of capable fighters even if we aren’t formally trained in (hockey) fighting. Namely, I think the entire roster is pretty physically fit, and most of us have high strength (15+), even among our newer players. Beyond that, we’re also able to read others’ attacks pretty well (defensive read 17+), so I’d like to think we’d all end up pretty even in the grand scheme of things. Ultimately, it turns out that our mental attributes may be the most telling. Since Nicholas Owens has 12 bravery, 6 aggression, and some of the best physicals in our group, I’d say that he would emerge victorious, quickly followed by the likes of Matt Kholin and Monkey D. Luffy; they may not have the same level of bravery of aggression, but they do definitely have some of the highest physical attributes available. There are some others who may not perform particularly well – Jaska Seppala may by perfectly technically sound, for example, but doesn’t have the same level of physicality of other players on the team. Our rookies like Emilia Bergman and Aumy Jr may suffer because of their low physicals.

Henrik · 12-20-2020, 04:57 PM

San Francisco is an interesting scenario in the case of a battle royale. As there is no real goon or enforcer on the team (yet) I think that the top spot is up for grabs. I think the first couple of people to get knocked out would be Zhernov, O'Callaghan and Zacha. None of them are particularly tough and rely on other parts of their game to be useful to the team. I would imagine that after a long and messy scrap, three skaters would remain. Svenson, Super Sonic and Spanish. Svenson is a gritty player and would doubtlessly be able to hang with the best of them. Super Sonic is not only a player that rides the edge of what is allowed in the game of hockey but also isn't afraid to get dirty and drop the gloves. Spanish is legendary for making everyone in Langley falls hate him. At this point it would seem to me that it is a coin-toss. If I had to pick one, it would be Super Sonic as he clearly enjoys that part of the game more than anyone on the team.

*JURT* · 12-20-2020, 05:04 PM

The Chicago Syndicate Battle Royale will obviously not be a full-on brawl. Rather, as the name of the team hints towards, it will be a long-haul shadiness and backstabbing contest, with only very few outright violent strength contests. Alliances will be made and betrayals will unmake them as fast and as often as Minamino complains about his season every time he doesn't score. I can see the whole lot of Berserkers alumni ganging together at first, so the few of us who weren't part of that gang would have to stick together to keep the danger away until their egos make them slowly but surely turn on each other. The Battle will end in a three-way standoff between the three Smebs, or so it will seem. Kit will convice Parker to take out Daniel so they can have a proper and honorable duel, but then reveal himself as Disisde Dayudie in a Scooby-Doo villain fashion and eliminate Parker before he can say Jaja Ding Dong.

MP7 · 12-20-2020, 05:32 PM

The Texas Renegades Battle Royal would be a massive clutch. A lot of big bad boys would enter the ring. But the guy with the biggest chance to win it, would be the old viking from Norway, Andreas Kvalheim. With 6’4” he is one of the bigger guys in the team and even if he is old, he still has some gas left in the tank. If you look at his physical ratings you can see, that Kvalheim isn’t the fastest anymore, but if you are smart you don’t need to be it. As you have followed Kvalheim through out his carrier you know he is a smart guy and what you obviously can’t over see, he is a tower of a man. Big, strong and hardly to move him out of a position. Strength and Balance at 18 combined with a great Defensive read of 18 too makes him the perfect choice for winning the battle royal and with 17 Stamina it will take a while till he gets tired.

O4L · 12-20-2020, 05:38 PM

If the Chicago Syndicate had a battle royale it would be incredibly interesting, as you have a lot of different personalities on the team. If this had taken place a year ago I'd say CC2 would be the obvious winner but with him being retired it makes things more difficult. You have people like Jules Watt who would likely not survive the first 5 minutes of the BR. You have people like Parker Smeb who has a history of leading the SHL in hits and PIMS, so he's probably incredibly strong and would probably last very long. You also have the wildcard of the Smeb family as a whole, they could team up and take out everyone else on the team first or they could end up turning on each other right from the beginning. I think the most likely scenario is that Kit Smeb spends the night before the battle royale drinking and wakes up a few days later as the last man left.

"“HA HA! THIS GAME WILL NEVER END! I POSSESS THE SOUL OF EVERY GOALIE ON TEAM B!! CREW 4 LIFE!! SIGN WITH EDMONTON FOR THE CUP!!!” cackled Belial as he placed a Fedora on his head."
SMJHL Commisioner S17-S26
Calgary Dragons GM S14-S23

***boom*** · 12-20-2020, 06:19 PM

If the Vancouver Whalers were to get into a team-wide brawl, the best fighter on the team would be Zayne Rotzbua. With his 6'8" frame and fighting skills, Rotzbua would have plenty of reach to get his punches in. Of course, we can't count out fellow defenseman Narboza Manyhands, who is an actual alien from the planet Zardang. With his alien physiology and rows of hands, Manyhands would be able to fake out and get shots in against just about anyone. The team might fare better in fights between each other than with other teams, as the Whalers have yet to actually win a fight in regular season play. Zebulon Leavitt is another player who would excel in the Vancouver Whalers Battle Royale, as he leads the team in hits as well as having the offensive skill and hands to be effective on the offense. The big defenseman is a stalwart both on the ice and with his fists.

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