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***Snussu*** · 09-24-2018, 10:18 AM

King · 09-24-2018, 10:43 AM

The San Francisco Pride have one ultimate goal this season. The first overall pick, and our two greatest enemies on our way to the pick are the Manhattan Rage and the Draft Lottery. The lottery seems to hate Manhattan, so that just leaves dealing with Manhattan. Manhattan has been losing games left and right, so we definitely needed "to disrupt the team that best stands in your way!".

So myself, @CanadianDuck and @JRed94 snuck into their locker room and put a new form of liquid steroid into each of their water bottles. With the hope that there new found strength would have them win enough games to pass our team in the standings. Well the steroids backfired, and they didn't play any better but had all the rage side effects. So they ended up just taking more penaltyies and sunk further in the standings. So needless to say that backfired and we'll likely need to be happy with the 2nd pick.

*NorwegianDemon* · 09-24-2018, 10:55 AM

The main objective of my strategy to disrupt a team is to get one of their players suspended. The set up would be to make fun and poke their players with the goal of having one of their players insult me in a way that would result in a suspension due to the use of harsh language or words that are unacceptable on the forum. The first type of comments would be in the SHL games section and the structure of these comments would basically to tag one member of the team I want to disrupt and trash their player's performance, but the annoying part would be a result of me tagging them 10 or more times to repeat the same thing about their players, but with different words. The other bunch of trolling would be to go to the SHL media section of the website and tell them how useless the article they write are as much as possible until I get the reaction I want, which should result in them getting a suspension for their player.

178 words

kobel9 · 09-24-2018, 11:03 AM

In our upcoming game against Halifax, the plan is simple. Get their goalies drunk. I don't mean a nice little buzz, I mean, like, hilariously drunk. I know a guy in the Halifax organization who can get me keys to their locker room, he's a good guy. Or girl. Like I would snitch on him, or her. See, you don't have a clue who it could be. He or she is safe. Anyways, I have a surplus of Tito's vodka just chilling, and I'm a whiskey guy, so I'm going to take the vodka and spike all of their water bottles. Tito's is pretty smooth so they will hardly notice. During and after a good pregame workout and during intermissions they'll slowly get drunker and drunker allowing even myself, who is terrible at scoring, might have a chance to score. It's full-proof.

ErM · 09-24-2018, 12:39 PM

The Winnipeg Jets are holding onto first place and keeping the Edmonton Blizzard out of the Simulation Hockey League's top spot. This is arguably the most devious and perfect plan that could be imagined to bring down a team. The two step plan would work out as follows:

1. I would convince my general managers to trade infamous locker room cancer Connor Tanner to the Winnipeg Jets for one of the league's surest players in the history of the league or three first rounders, buyers choice. Now I know this is already a pretty shady plan and it might be enough by the next phase is where it gets really interesting.

2. I would do nothing. Connor Tanner would join the Winnipeg locker room and appear to not be a cancer to the team, but instead grind out TPE and remain an active and helpful player in the locker room. Some would say he could look like a top earner in the league or a cornerstone defender. But the Jets would just keep waiting. 1 season, 2 seasons, 5 seasons later and they would will be waiting while the cancer festers and keeps helping the team. Then when they are driven to madness waiting for something to happen that never does. The Jets mass retire.

***Acsolap*** · 09-24-2018, 02:06 PM

It has been a tough season so far for the Armada and it was going to need something crazy to even give us a chance of making the playoffs. As an alternate captain it was up to me to lead the way and do anything that would increase the odds of us moving a couple of places up the standings. What better way than using the upcoming game #131 between Halifax and Detroit? These two teams are our direct rivals for the last playoff spot so I needed to do something drastic.

Before the game I waited for the kit men to finish in their respective teams and the bribed a stadium attendant to let me into the locker rooms. Into the Falcons locker room I release two skunks with little Halifax coats on and afterwards I dropped by the Halifax room and sprayed pepper spray into all the skates and then spray painted a a big red falcon over the raiders logo in the middle of the floor.

My hope is for a complete bloodbath with a load of suspensions on both sides because we are going to need a miracle to make up the points to get to the post season.

[203]

Credit to Ml002, King, Wasty, Carpy, Bruins10, Rum_Ham, Turd Ferguson, Ragnar and Enigmatic for the sigs.
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Alex Mack · 09-24-2018, 02:22 PM

Mayuu · 09-24-2018, 02:47 PM

RETIRED

Fantobens · 09-24-2018, 03:03 PM

So, the other night we had a game in St Louis. I thought our team could benefit from an edge, so I put a plan into motion, a plan of annoyance, irritation, and just pure old wasting of people time.

We got to the hotel the night before the game and hippo and Cedric convince me that I should be as annoying as possible. So that's what I did.

I called 1-800 Flowers, Edible Arrangements, and as many escorts I can find, male or female, on Craigslist. I had flowers, fruit, and prostitutes visiting their homes all hours of the night making sure they couldn't get any sleep. I know that would annoy me.

Now whatever they did with all that stuff, that's up to them, as long as those doorbells kept ringing I knew those scarecrows weren't sleeping. it showed. That next night during our game it was obvious they couldn't get their feet under them. They were only able to muster nine shots in the entire game. They just looked slow. More accurately they look tired. Mission accomplished. You're welcome Falcons.

DannyMethane · 09-24-2018, 04:35 PM

I've been tasked with one hell of a dastardly deed.

Would my conscience allow me to enact such a distasteful, even *evil* plan?

I'm not a physics major. I'm not even sure how I would even go about getting the resources together to get this project off the ground. Both literally and figuratively.

TML came to me with a docket marked, "CLASSIFIED: HIGHEST DESIGNATION". We did not speak at all about it. He handed it to me and left. That night in my hotel room I opened the folder and read.

Technical drawings and mathematical symbols I'd never seen before met my eyes. The plan involved an orbital spacecraft, knowledge of orbital mechanics, and several thirty-foot-long, three foot round poles made of tungsten.

What I could take from the docket was that I was to build an orbital vehicle and place it into a stable orbit around the Earth in a pattern that would bring it within 50 miles of the center of Vancouver.

After that satellite is installed, a secondary launch vehicle would carry one of these tungsten rods to the satellite. Once that is completed, trajectory would be calculated, and the rod would be dropped from orbit at the precise time and speed needed to carry it directly into the locker room of the Vancouver whalers. A 6.1 m × 0.3 m tungsten cylinder impacting at Mach 10 has a kinetic energy equivalent to approximately 11.5 tons of TNT (or 7.2 tons of dynamite). This is ten feet longer and two feet wider.

I guess my first step is to enroll in college.

Yurt6 · 09-24-2018, 04:50 PM

As we near the end of the season, the race to not come in dead last is coming to a nail biting conclusion. My team, the Manhattan Rage, is eager to stave off the embarrassment packaged with finishing in last. Like last season, our best bet is for the San Francisco Pride to come in last, and Rove is willing to do whatever it takes to get them there. What began as a joking remark quickly became a top secret mission for the Rage left winger: infiltrate the Pride practice rink and covertly pour one million marbles onto the ice with no one noticing. Then comes the tough part. Rove has to convince the Pride coaching staff to institute a players-only blindfolded practice session. While no other team is dumb enough to fall for this (/s Tongue

), luckily for Rove the Pride isn't any other team. Once his plan is complete, the Pride will all have broken ankles and will be forced to resign from the rest of the season, putting the Rage in the perfect position to finish thirteenth on the year.

Sean · 09-24-2018, 07:25 PM

"Andrew, could you step into my office please?"

I had recently put a table and a couple chairs in the custodian's closet in an attempt to show my dominance over the rest of the sophomore players on the Raptors. I think it's working because now, no one talks to me and that's the ultimate sign of respect. It was only a matter of time before I put a floating desk in the hot tub and claimed that as my office like a certain Troy McClure III had.

"Listen, Andrew... we're getting killed out there, you and I both know we should be in first place, we need to take desperate measures."

Andrew Martin could hear the seriousness in my voice, he probably resorted to his response in pure feral fear.

"Tony, is this where you've been the past couple weeks? it reeks in here."

"Andrew, that's not the point here, look we need double agents. I've gone ahead and spread rumours that you're unhappy here." as I say this I hand him a pamphlet containing 2 airline tickets. "You've been traded to Vancouver, you know what to do".

Andrew laughed and said "Tony, you paid real money for these plane tickets, I get you have a weird sense of humor but you didn't seriously wasted $750". Andrew quickly turned around to leave when a man was standing in the door.

"Andrew, he's not joking, we've arranged a ride to the airport, please understand why this had to happen".

Andrew looked like he had been shot, the reality was setting in, he was no longer a Colorado Raptor, but still in spirit, he still was.

I watched Andrew Martin board that plain, it was a bittersweet moment, but at that moment, we both knew why we did this.

Go Raptors.

EDM All-Time Leader in Goals, Assists and Points

*Good_Ole_Kimmy* · 09-24-2018, 07:28 PM

09-24-2018, 07:25 PMTommySalami Wrote: "Andrew, could you step into my office please?"

I had recently put a table and a couple chairs in the custodian's closet in an attempt to show my dominance over the rest of the sophomore players on the Raptors. I think it's working because now, no one talks to me and that's the ultimate sign of respect. It was only a matter of time before I put a floating desk in the hot tub and claimed that as my office like a certain Troy McClure III had.

"Listen, Andrew... we're getting killed out there, you and I both know we should be in first place, we need to take desperate measures."

Andrew Martin could hear the seriousness in my voice, he probably resorted to his response in pure feral fear.

"Tony, is this where you've been the past couple weeks? it reeks in here."

"Andrew, that's not the point here, look we need double agents. I've gone ahead and spread rumours that you're unhappy here." as I say this I hand him a pamphlet containing 2 airline tickets. "You've been traded to Vancouver, you know what to do".

Andrew laughed and said "Tony, you paid real money for these plane tickets, I get you have a weird sense of humor but you didn't seriously wasted $750". Andrew quickly turned around to leave when a man was standing in the door.

"Andrew, he's not joking, we've arranged a ride to the airport, please understand why this had to happen".

Andrew looked like he had been shot, the reality was setting in, he was no longer a Colorado Raptor, but still in spirit, he still was.

I watched Andrew Martin board that plain, it was a bittersweet moment, but at that moment, we both knew why we did this.

Go Raptors.

Blastmeaway · 09-24-2018, 09:57 PM

In an attempt to keep the Texas Renegades down DMS decided to order some pizza to the Rene's practice facility, rink, as well as to the home of star defenseman The Dude. The thing about this pizza is that it was very specific. To the practice rink, DMS ordered enough Pizza Hut that the local stores had to bond together to get keep the Pineapple only Za's warm enough upon delivery. To the Rene's home barn, DMS order all of the Johns in the Papa Johns, had to make sure to specify no racism on the order, because who knows with that wacky franchise. Lastly, to The Dude home, DMS ordered enough Little Cesars that they agreed to do a special one time only delivery. Here's the catch behind all of it, DMS didn't pay for any of it.

Have fun footin' the bill Renegades.

Shout out to ml002, schultzy, slashacm, tedward!
[Image: blastmeaway.gif]

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09-05-2018, 10:04 PMBeaver Wrote: Wow look what the PT affiliation has done to our pristine league.

12-19-2018, 12:31 AMBeaver Wrote: I personally blame the PT affiliation for handing out massive amounts of free TPE to all these players, inflating the TPE they're at when they get called up.

[Image: Capture21.PNG?width=400&height=90]

Blastmeaway · 09-24-2018, 10:32 PM

09-24-2018, 09:43 AMMike Izzy Wrote:
09-24-2018, 09:29 AMAce Wrote: We’ve been assigned a top-secret task to disrupt the Winnipeg Jets on our way to capturing not just the West regular season top tier, but the Presidents Trophy in general. It all starts with a simple call to my good friend, Vladimir Putin.
“Mr. Putin, execute order Red Flag.”
“Yes Komrade Bitties.”
Once that call was made, it was as easy as sitting back and watching the television on the SHL Network.
“Zach Evans, Pietra Volkova and Artom Zhumbayev failed to report to practice today and the club hasn’t heard word from their players. Their respective agents have reported an inability to maintain communication with their clients as well. No one really knows what is going on up there in Winnipeg, but in a pivotal time with Edmonton right on their heels, the Jets can’t afford this.”
Good… Good. We have them right where we want them now. Let’s go Blizzard.

Austria confirmed merging with Russia

Shout out to ml002, schultzy, slashacm, tedward!
[Image: blastmeaway.gif]

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09-05-2018, 10:04 PMBeaver Wrote: Wow look what the PT affiliation has done to our pristine league.

12-19-2018, 12:31 AMBeaver Wrote: I personally blame the PT affiliation for handing out massive amounts of free TPE to all these players, inflating the TPE they're at when they get called up.

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