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Whikadoodle · 08-01-2023, 09:51 AM

Listen up here, Aliens. You want to learn the great sport of Hockey? Well you came to the right fella. Johnny FourStar knows a thing or two about the heavens, and I think I can break this thing down for ya in a way that makes it real simple for you to pick up. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the Johnny FourStar School for Out of this World Players!

First thing is first, you have to have at least two limbs. Sorry glorgacks from the ray sector, you're going to have to sit this one out. Additionally, hovering is not allowed, so if you can do that, cut it out. And finally, if you can't see, this might not be the sport for you. If you use echo location, we can make an exception. And no telekinesis! That is what we call a dick move in these parts.

If you have the necessary body configuration to play the game, I will make you into a superstar!

(169)

***Wally*** · 08-01-2023, 09:51 AM

Dear mom,

Well they got me. The aliens. I don't know what they want with my body, but they do have a complete hockey rink setup on their spaceship. It's weird... they have a stuffed Cale Amundsen in net, won't lie... even the aliens can't get it past his dead glove. They were intrigued by my skating, so I showed them a few things... problem being is they have big, slimy feet that can't fit into a pair of Bauers... So they just drilled swords onto their feet. Pretty efficient to be honest. Can't imagine the fastening part felt great. Regardless, it looks like they have a bit more edge, however I'm not sure if they thought through the process of removal. Other than that, we worked on only offense, ideal for Bender "We have defense for a reason" Junior. I'm okay though, Mom... As long as they stop touching my stick.

Bender

**.bojo** · 08-01-2023, 10:03 AM

3lewsers · 08-01-2023, 10:12 AM

A local hockey player, named Dwayne, was volunteered to train the aliens. He was a patient and understanding teacher, and he quickly learned how to communicate with the aliens.

The aliens were eager to learn, and they quickly picked up the basics of hockey. They were natural athletes, and they were able to skate and shoot the puck with ease.

After a few weeks of training, the aliens were ready to play their first game. They were matched against a team of local kids, and they were surprisingly competitive.

The aliens lost the game, but they had a lot of fun. They learned a lot about hockey, and they made some new friends.

The aliens left Earth a few days later, but they promised to come back and play hockey again someday.

Dwayne was sad to see them go, but he was also proud of the work he had done. He had helped the aliens learn a new sport, and he had made some new friends in the process.

adamantium · 08-01-2023, 10:36 AM

Code:
Story Mode: 429 Words

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"Realistically, most of hockey's rules are pointless. Offside gets called, Icing gets called, but everything else is kind of up in the air as far as shit you're going to see get called by the fucking jokers we pay to be referees in this god forsaken league. I want to read to you, though, the only rule that really matters and if you don't wrap your crazy green brains around this one, you're as good as fucked. Alright, you ready?... Okay:

'Goaltender interference refers to any attacking player who, by means of their stick or body, interferes with or impedes the movements of the goaltender by actual physical contact. While incidental contact with the goaltender may occur, attacking players must make an effort to avoid contact in all circumstances. The onus is always on the attacking player and players who do not make an effort to avoid the goaltender must be penalized.

The penalty should be announced as “Interference with the Goaltender”.

A Minor penalty will be assessed to any player who commits interference with goaltender.

A Major penalty and Game Misconduct penalty, at the discretion of the referee, based on the degree of violence of impact, may be assessed to any player who commits interference with the goaltender.

A Major penalty and Game Misconduct penalty will be assessed to any player who charges the goaltender.

Note 1: See Rule 7.4 (b)(Interpretation 2) – Charging, for the definition of “charging”.

A Major penalty and Game Misconduct penalty will be assessed to any player who injures an opponent by an Interference with the Goaltender infraction that would otherwise call for a Minor penalty.

A Match penalty will be assessed to any player who attempts to injure or deliberately injures a goaltender by Interference.

No Misconduct penalty may be assessed for interference with the goaltender.

A Game Misconduct penalty must be assessed any time a Major penalty is assessed for interference with the goaltender, as detailed under Rule 8.5 (b).'

...Is that clear? Did I make myself clear at all during that? You're not allowed to interfere with the goaltender inside the crease. What qualifies as interference? Fucking... You can't be... touching the goalie in the crease. Don't even fucking look at the crease, if you look at the crease, you'll probably get a goal disallowed for your team. What qualifies as touching the goaltender? I was reading this shit straight out of the fucking SHL refereeing handbook, I swear to god."

-- From a Military-classified documentation of interactions between a girl from Planet V and Seattle Argonauts centreman Benson Fiorentini

sigs by me bitch

**RomanesEuntDomus** · 08-01-2023, 11:52 AM

Prompt 1

Nice idea for a prompt, I'm sure opinions will be a bit divided on this but I like the creativity, so keep 'em coming. I would definitely be interested in teaching those extraterrestrials our beautiful game, what better way is there to be an ambassador not just for the world, but the... world world, I guess? The first question I'd have to ask myself is whether I'd focus on the mental and tactical aspects of the game, like why we play and that the goal isn't to eat or absorb your opponent, or whether I'll try to teach them the abstract concepts of a "puck" and a "goal" first. The latter might be easier to learn though, I'd assume most alien races that developed enough for interstellar travel will have interacted with stick-like objects before. The concept of a puck might be harder to explain though or why on earth we all have to be on ice when this makes things so much more difficult...

***CapnCooper*** · 08-01-2023, 11:59 AM

Given that Aliens probably don't speak good english, Boots does his best to draw out a hockey rink, two nets, and something that can be moved back and forth to go in the net. After attempting to describe it this way he gets a pair of aliens to go on each side of his drawing, perhaps at a table he may have been sitting at in his backyard, and let's them attempt to score on each other, air hockey style. While they are trying this out, Boots goes to get a hockey stick to show them how they play off of paper. Once Boots returns to his yard, the aliens have somehow crop circled his back yard to look like a hockey rink. They've somehow morphed some trees into net like shapes and have some sort of black obsidian object to throw back and forth at each other as they try to play their game. Once the aliens spot Boots with a hockey stick, the point their weapons at him quickly. They must think the stick is some kind of weapon of his own. Boots quickly drops the stick and puts his hands in the air! Is this the end of Dirty Boots?

Massive Coiler · 08-01-2023, 12:50 PM

PLAYER PROMPT - Preseason Prep

Antonio Flusso spends the summer training and trying to improve in noticeable ways. Preseason/training camp is the first time he can apply it to a game situation and show it off to the coaching staff and fellow teammates. He takes it extremely seriously. Heading into his fourth season, he could probably afford to coast and give a minimal effort without costing him either his roster spot or even ice time. That just isn't the way he's built though. He's gonna be playing with an edge and going full try hard mode. Whether it's game 7 in the playoffs or game 1 in preseason, he wants to give his full effort (within reason). The only exception is MAYBE the final game he is scheduled to play in, he may avoid blocking shots he usually would. He may also avoid any sudden jerky movements. But other than that exception, he comes in with the mentality that this is valuable time playing hockey.

***Anthique*** · 08-01-2023, 01:17 PM

Player Prompt

The preseason for Anthony Dionne is a good moment to test the training he had while he was training in the off season. It's fun to train, get in the gym or get shot at by some friends or participate in a 3 vs 3 tournament, but it's not like a real hockey game of the SHL.
Dionne takes the preseason seriously because he can see what it the level of play for this season and prepare him for what to come. He's not going all out in those games, but it's a good preparation for the season so it's really not a practice.
His job as a starter is set in stone so there is no worries there, so he can concentrate on his things and not focus about the backup. Jebus did really well last season, but seeing no progress since his SHL debut puts him way bellow Dionne in the depth chart.
His routine is the same as the one for the season haha! Nothing complicated and surprisingly, there are not really some superstitions in his pre-game routine. A good breakfast, some exercise, a little power-nap to get back of some energy and eat a little something before leaving for the game.

jackkmart · 08-01-2023, 01:51 PM

Alien Space Bats

Being the rascal that I am, and seeing as life is a highway, I decide to teach the little freaks a game not unlike hockey but decidedly not hokey at the same time. I will embody the trickster archetype at first by telling them that points are scored through possession of the puck at specific points on the ice, like hardpoint in COD. Your score increases as your team can maintain control of the puck, with more points being awarded when you maintain possession in your opponent's zone as their goalie can jump in to help get take the puck away. When your team is out of possession you can do anything to get the puck back, excluding only capital murder. The goals are simply distractions but scoring one allows you a break, and a point multiplier for the next possession, like a jungle buff or something, this is why goalies are called junglers. They will be bad at it.

Spartan · 08-01-2023, 02:03 PM

Player prompt

Some people think that the pre-season is the most important part of the offseason, while others just think it's relatively unimportant in the grand scheme of things. For Cheeks Klapanen, it's a trial phase to lightly test out some of the improvements he's tried to make in the offseason. As a two-way defenseman with some offensive inclinations, generating offense while being responsible defensively is of the utmost importance. Last season, the skills flashed, but now in a top 4 defense role, there has to be some consistency in his game. From a half point per game, the goal is to get closer towards a point per game and directly contribute more towards wins.

So in the preseason the focus is really just on getting the fundamentals right, getting back up to speed gradually for the regular season, and trying to implement some of the off-season teachings and improvements over time to build up the right game day habits. Things don't just change overnight, and games versus real opponents are the best type of practice.

***Gwdjohnson*** · 08-01-2023, 02:23 PM

Ricky Koivu always wants to give his A game for the Forge. They have a very deep squad full of players fighting for top roles on the team, so even in pre season, it is very important for him to maintain a high performance level. Coming into the league, Ricky was struggling to score goals, and also play the well rounded defensive game he is known for. Over his time in the league, he worked on his shooting ability, as well as adapting to a higher level of competition in the big league. This season, Koivu promised people would see an even more new and improved version of him, and so far this seems to be the case. Koivu sits tied for first in both goals and points early on in the regular season, as him and defending MVP winner Evil Allbran are finding a ton of success early on. Entering his prime years now, Ricky has said he is reaching the age where he wants to elevate his game to competing for an MVP title of his own. (179 words)

*Jayba1t* · 08-01-2023, 02:39 PM

PT Pass

tomtommen · 08-01-2023, 03:46 PM

Written Task: Tell me about your player's preseason routine. How do they get ready for training camp? How seriously do they take the preseason? Are they going all out to keep an iron grip on their roster spot? Do they coast to save their strength for the real games? Somewhere in between? (150+ words)

Tom Pedersen, the dedicated athlete of the Calgary Dragons, approaches the preseason with unwavering commitment and a relentless work ethic. As training camp draws near, Pedersen intensifies his preparation to ensure he is in peak condition for the upcoming season. His preseason routine begins well before the official start of training camp. Pedersen focuses on maintaining his fitness levels throughout the offseason, engaging in rigorous workouts, and following a carefully crafted training program. He prioritizes a healthy diet to fuel his body and enhance his performance on the ice.

As the preseason approaches, Pedersen increases his training intensity, focusing on honing specific aspects of his game. He dedicates time to improving his skating, puck handling, and shooting skills, striving to become a more versatile and impactful player. Pedersen takes the preseason seriously, understanding its significance in solidifying his roster spot. With the competition among players vying for limited positions, he knows that every moment on the ice is an opportunity to showcase his abilities to the coaching staff. During preseason games, Pedersen goes all out, leaving no room for complacency. He approaches each game with the same level of determination as a regular-season match, aiming to impress coaches and demonstrate his value to the team.

While he maintains intensity throughout the preseason, Pedersen also recognizes the importance of managing his energy wisely. He strikes a balance between pushing himself to the limit and pacing himself strategically to avoid burnout before the real games commence. Ultimately, Tom Pedersen treats the preseason as a critical stepping stone towards a successful season. His relentless dedication and focus during this period set the tone for his performance throughout the year, positioning him to make a lasting impact on the ice.

Words: 286

*takethehorizon* · 08-01-2023, 05:08 PM

PLAYER PROMPT - Preseason Prep

Beau Kavanagh spends his preseason back in his hometown of Kilkenny, Ireland with family. Once Beau cracks the SHL and signs a larger contract he will be renting a nearby town home with a few teammates just outside of Great Falls. The first half of preseason consists of a non existence diet which Beau deeply enjoys as during the season he is on a strict eating regime that allows him to perform at a high level. Preseason eating consists of fatty foods like pizza, ice cream and lots and lots of Guinness - Beau's favorite beer. Along with the horrible eating, Beau spends almost no time in the gym and is often found on the boat with his brothers fishing or wakeboarding at the lake. He also enjoys going to the beach with friends, going on family vacations around Europe most of all, not thinking about the game of hockey. Once August hits, the fun is over and Beau is put back on a strict diet, his the gym once a day and prepares his body for the season ahead. This gives Beau two full months of preparation ahead of training camp to get back into shape and evolve to the highest level possible before taking the ice in October.

Word Count: 209

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