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pennywise · 10-16-2018, 09:56 AM

Bonus: Max Weber and Max Poulin

***artermis*** · 10-16-2018, 10:42 AM

10-14-2018, 10:23 AM.bojo Wrote: Bonus: the WKP dudes

Task 2
"Celine" Dion Vyskoc was caught smuggling potato chips in all of his orifices last night after finding out that they don't sell tomato flavored chips here in the states.

Reports are claiming that while fishcock had been living in Florida for the past few years, his realization of never having tomato chips ready was recently brought to light after scoring another game winning goal in the playoffs. He usually celebrates by opening a bag and making it rain, but they always happen to be during away games in canada.

After winning a home game, shock hit him. It's affected his performance as well, not quite putting up the numbers since the game winner. He was last seen heading out to do some errands in Winnipeg. Shortly later that same night, there was a convienence store robbed of everything but anything essential.

When told he couldn't bring all these bags of chips because that many chips would violate some sort of trade law, fishcock went back to his car on his phone before walking back to the airport looking like the Nutty Professor. @artermis

I hate you irl

ketchup chips are gross

don't @ me

also, a customary fuck u @Beaver

***Acsolap*** · 10-16-2018, 10:55 AM

Bonus: Jon Ross and Ludwig Koch-Shroeder

Credit to Ml002, King, Wasty, Carpy, Bruins10, Rum_Ham, Turd Ferguson, Ragnar and Enigmatic for the sigs.
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Pingy Pingu · 10-16-2018, 11:08 AM

BONUS: Ludwig Koch Schroder and Jon Ross

Ashes · 10-16-2018, 11:39 AM

Bonus: Ludwig Koch Schroder and Jon Ross

Task 2: Oh no! scandal has hit championship week here on day 2! as a beat reporter from TMZ obtained the police reports of a highly embarrasing arrest made from one of the players in the challenge cup series!.. In 150 words or more, create an official SHL press report to release to the media with a picture related to the incident, the details of this incident, what player or players were involved and the official reponse of the league.

The Challenge Cup finals are just around the corner, but a shocking and very odd scandal has surfaced just days before puck drop of Game 1! Winnipeg Jets rookie Troy McClure III has reportedly been arrested by the Winnipeg Police Service for getting into a massive fight at a bar. While that doesn't sound unusual at first, the strange part is that Troy appeared to be wearing what can only be described as lizard makeup - McClure III had painted his entire face green (and a couple of other colors) except for his eyelids, which were colored black. The group of men who McClure III had attacked in his drunken rage were wearing Manhattan Rage shirts, which, according to eyewitnesses, matched Troy's emotions very well. The motive behind this attack was supposedly that Tokek Takshak - McClure III's former SMJHL rival - was one of the Rage's prospects, so to Troy, anything associated with Manhattan is evil and deserves to be punched. In an unsurprising turn of events, the 6 men who were attacked quickly suplexed McClure III into the floor of the bar. Here is a statement from SHL officials "Manhattan sucks so we're completely on board with this". Despite all of this, McClure III is expected to play Game 1.

[Image: i7F9XA5.png]

Task 3: The SHL Network is in need of an interview to broadcast during the challenge cup finals and you have been assigned the task! Contact a player in the upcoming series and have them answer 3 questions (player or series related) Let them know that each answer must be a minimum of 20 words for you to get credit. The player you interview must also be tagged.

@Troy_McClure03

Troy, how does it feel making the finals in your rookie season?

I am super excited to be in the finals. I don't deserve it, I'm not playing my best hockey, but I'm in the greatest locker room and I hope these folks can carry me to victory.

What are your thoughts on the Platoon?

They are a solid club, I think they caught us watching in the first couple of minutes and it cost us game one. I respect them, but I dislike them until this series is over.

Coming into the finals, how confident are you?

In myself? With the game on the line you won't see number 3 on the ice. With that being said I'm very confident in our team and I think we can still win 4 out of 6 here.

Task 5: Newspapers and bloggers are covering the event all across the globe and they are looking for information to post to their readers! Pick 3 of the topics below to write about! Each topic is worth 1 TPE. Each answer must be 50 words or more.

- What young player has a chance to make a name for themself in this series?

A very young player who I expect to prove his worth in this series is Winnipeg Jets rookie defenseman Troy McClure III. McClure III, despite winning the SMJHL MVP award in his last minor league season, has had a weak start to his SHL career - only 5 points in 50 games, none of which were goals. However, he has a lot of potential, which he showed off in his time in the SMJHL. I think this series is when he'll finally start having a bigger, hopefully positive impact on the games.

- Who is the favorite and who is the underdog of this series and why?

Coming into the Challenge Cup finals, I'd say Winnipeg are heavily favoured to take it all. Just look at the regular season standings - the Jets were dominant, taking home the Presidents Trophy with a 34-14-2 regular season record and 70 points - 12 more than the next highest ranked team in their conference, which was LA. In contrast, West Kendall actually weren't even top 8 in the standings - they were 10th in the league, yet they made the playoffs, meanwhile the Texas Renegades and Edmonton Blizzard, who both had more points than the Platoon, didn't even make the playoffs.

- Who are the 3 most dangerous players on the ice in this series and why?

The player who you should watch the most is, and this will absolutely shock you, Jason Visser. Who would've thought a nearly 1.5 PPG player is the biggest threat on the ice right now? Visser is the best player in the world right now. 12 more points across 50 games than the next highest scorer. Another big threat is the Platoon's Dani Forsberg. The Platoon have several really good players, and Forsberg is probably the best they have to offer. Another player I'd like to mention here is Winnipeg's very own Crossfit Jesus, with hockey skills almost as good as his name.

Task 6:
In wake of the success of 'Gritty' the philadelphia Flyers mascot.. the SHL has asked its graphics department to come up with an official S43 challenge cup mascot! Design a Mascot with the characteristics of both the West Kendall Platoon and Winnipeg Jets franchises! The Mascot should have a name, the colors of both teams involved in the series and at least 1 special feature which the fans associate it with.

[Image: moR0Htx.png]

Task 7: Tomorrow the SHL marketing department will release the official championship series alternate logos to be sold to the public! Design an Alternate logo for one of the teams involved in the challenge cup finals. that alternate must include the team name and season number within the logo.

[Image: Y19SjTq.png]

damienj10 · 10-16-2018, 12:03 PM

Bonus: Ludwig Koch Schroder and Jon Ross

ml002 · 10-16-2018, 12:05 PM

Quote:Task 1: In an effort to excite the millennials and urban street youth, the SHL wants a hip/hop promotion for this years challenge cup! Using the youtube beat above, create a 150 word or more Rap/R&B jam about the championship series! The song must have at least 1 verse and 1 chorus and include players from either or both teams.

Verse 1:
Winnipeg and West Kendall,
Both start with dubs,
Neither team with any scrubs,
Light, Langabeer, and Leafer Rielly,
All reppin' the city of Miami,
But Winnipeg don't fear any game 7's
with the crew of Bearss, Visser, and Zach Evans.
Two teams from other ends of the continent
Winning is the only way to be content
Jets versus Platoon
So much skill with no goons
Challenge Cup on the line
Don't worry folks it is finally time

Chorus:
The Challenge Cup is here
Sit down and crack a beer
Two of the SHL's best
East versus west
Jets trying to get back to the promised land
Toonza trying to start a winning trend
Another great year of hockey comin' to an end
Who will be our new champion comin' round the bend
Get ready for the end of the party
Maybe @Samee will give us one more
"FUCKING c"

Word Count: 151

Quote:Task 2: Oh no! scandal has hit championship week here on day 2! as a beat reporter from TMZ obtained the police reports of a highly embarrasing arrest made from one of the players in the challenge cup series!.. In 150 words or more, create an official SHL press report to release to the media with a picture related to the incident, the details of this incident, what player or players were involved and the official response of the league.

As of 8am this morning, the SHL Head Office was made aware of very serious reports that one of our players was involved in an incident last night. We in the Head Office take these reports and allegations very seriously and will report to only the facts that we are provided in this case. Last night, in the hotel that is housing the West Kendall Platoon, it was found that Jets' player Zach Evans (@ztevans ) was found in the hotel's kitchen trying to plant cookies with the food that was being sent for the Platoon players' dinners. Evans was spotted by a kitchen employee, who asked him what he was doing in a restricted area. Evans tried to talk his way out of the situation and eventually decided try to run from the scene. He was apprehended by hotel security and was later passed on to the police. His charges were minimal with just trespassing as the main charge, but due to Evans' known connection with cookies in the past, the league has no choice but to hire an independent lab to test the cookies for any substances. Evans will be allowed to play for Winnipeg, but will be placed on probation until the league can complete a full investigation into what Evans was doing last night.

Quote:Task 5: Newspapers and bloggers are covering the event all across the globe and they are looking for information to post to their readers! Pick 3 of the topics below to write about! Each topic is worth 1 TPE. Each answer must be 50 words or more.

- What young player has a chance to make a name for themself in this series?
- Who is the favorite and who is the underdog of this series and why?
- Which organization needs this championship more in terms of legacy?

Both of these teams are very heavy in older talent, but if I had to pick one of their younger players, I'd say Dionyz Vyskoc of the West Kendall Platoon is poised to breakout in this series. Vyskoc is a S38 player and had his best regular season to date this past season, and has shown that he is ready to put up important points for this Platoon team.

I think many would say that the Winnipeg Jets are the favorite in this series, just due to the pure star power they possess. With the likely regular season MVP in Jason Visser, the Jet's are loaded with top end talent and still have some younger talent that is growing. Which would mean that the Platoon are the underdogs in this series, but you can't overlook the amount of talent in their roster.

I think the Winnipeg Jets need this cup for their legacy more than the Platoon. The Jets haven't won the cup since S38, and with the amount of talent that this team has you'd expect that they would have one a cup since S38, and it really looks worse when you consider that they basically forced the banning of double shifting.

Quote:Task 8: Tons of fans are about to arrive into town hungry and the SHL needs your help with the creation of 2 new original food items which the league can patent and serve at the stadiums! The graphic specifications are below...

- Food item should be named after 1 player from each team in this series.
- Must include a picture of the food item.
- It should be an original recipe.
- Recipe must include at least 5 ingrediants each.

Kadinger Cookie Cake

[Image: 1410878426509.jpeg]

1lb of Sugar
Cookie dough
Confetti sprinkles
Chocolate Frosting
M&Ms

The O'Sullivan Special

[Image: IMGP8747.jpg]

Hot Dogs
Fried Buns
Guinness Frosting
Pineapple slices
Chives

Quote:Task 9: We are just an hour away from the start of the challenge cup finals and you have been informed that Katy Perry has the gout and can not perform during the 1st intermission... YIKES!!!!!! ... to make matters worse Eggy and HO are not around to approve more money for a different act! You have been chosen to take on the unenviable task of putting together something which the whole world is about to watch ...with nothing but the 11 dollars in your pocket.

In 150 words or more, explain what you came up with and how will it be implemented. The Plan must include a diagram or picture.

Some might think that 11 dollars isn't much, but that's why you buy in bulk. First, bulk buy the large party poppers (the absurdly powerful ones that definitely shouldn't be as available as they are) as a substitute for real fireworks and pyrotechnics. Next, we need to use our wit and use a female stage hand to be our fake Katy Perry. Should only take like 5 bucks max. Now everyone will know she isn't Katy, but not if they never see her! So we leave the curtain closed for the full performance and none shall be the wiser. So now we need to create a spotify premium account (using the free month for new users) to get the audio we need to pull this off. Now that we have the pyrotechnics, entertainment, and audio figured out, we just need to get the lighting and we get an LED flashlight to use as a spotlight and shine is on "Katy" behind the curtain to create a silhouette through the curtain. And boom we have a kick ass performance for less than 11 dollars.

[Image: plan.png]

Bonus: Ludwig Koch Schroder and Jon Ross

Credit to Copenhagen, Wasty, FlappyGiraffe, InciteHysteria, and caltroit_red_flames
[Image: MM4nqx6.png]

Nictox · 10-16-2018, 12:24 PM

Bonus: Which group will end up with more total Blocks in Game 4 of the series?
Ludwig Koch Schroder and Jon Ross

RIP Dangel #AD26 | RIP TDZ

StaticShocked · 10-16-2018, 12:27 PM

pH

Bonus: Ludwig Koch Schroder and Jon Ross

goilers · 10-16-2018, 12:32 PM

Bonus: Ludwig Koch Schroder and Jon Ross

Clint Eastwood · 10-16-2018, 03:02 PM

Max Weber Max Poulin

SlashACM · 10-16-2018, 05:02 PM

Bonus: Weber and Poulin

Slappydoodle · 10-16-2018, 07:44 PM

Tuesday
It has come to the attention of the league that West Kendall Platoon forward Alex Light was arrested last evening after the game on weapons charges and auto theft. Mr. Light apparently went out after the game with some local young ladies looking to party. Upon being thrown out of several Winnipeg hotspots for being too drunk and belligerent Light got upset and started shouting, “Do you know who I am? Don’t you know I’m loco, ese? I’ll come back here strapped and we’ll see what’s up!” It was at this point that Light jumped into a convertible BMW that the valet had Idling outside the club. He sped off the wrong way down a one way street.

Light somehow reached his hotel room and started sending threatening texts and pictures out to the clubs that he had been at earlier. Police were called and an arrest was made around 4:30 this morning. We have one of the shots here for your edification.

[Image: th?id=OIP.pKBorXnXOf7Ndi8RDg1tIgHaHa&pid...&W=160&P=0]

[Image: th?id=OIP.pKBorXnXOf7Ndi8RDg1tIgHaHa&pid...&W=160&P=0]

A league spokesman stated this morning that the incident is under review and punishment will be handed down soon.

Wednesday
Beaujeaux Biscuit has a chance to cement his legacy as one of the great SHL goalies with this finals. Having already backstopped one cup win, a second would put him into some elite company. The question is whether the ginger goalie is ready to take that step or will he flame out.

The Winnipeg Jets have to be considered the favorites in this Challenge Cup Finals. They won the President’s Trophy with an incredible record in the regular season. The team is stacked top to bott9m with talent including Jason Visser, one of the top players in the game. If they don’t bring it home it will be a major disappointment.

The West Kendall Platoon need this series more in terms of legacy. They have long had a reputation as an excellent team that can’t get over the hump in the playoffs. They did manage to win a cup a few years back but one more would really change the perception around the league of the Platoon as a snake bitten franchise.

Thursday
Bojo’s Biscuits

1.Remove the testicles from a half dozen Boeing employees
2. Dry testes prior to flouring
3. Egg wash and then batter
4. Lightly fry with salt and pepper to taste

[Image: a98969_RockyMountainOysters.jpg]

[Image: a98969_RockyMountainOysters.jpg]

Zach Evans Down Home Sweet Tea

1. Boil the water. Bring 4 cups of the water to a boil in a small saucepan over medium-high heat. Remove from heat.

2. Steep the tea for 5 minutes. Dunk the tea bags a few times in the water to fully hydrate, then leave submerged with the strings hanging over the side of the pot. After 5 minutes, remove the bags and discard.

3. Add the sugar to the tea. Add the sugar and stir until completely dissolved.

4. Pour the tea base into the pitcher. If using multiple pitchers, divide the tea evenly between them.

5. Top off the pitchers with water. Add 3 more quarts of water to the tea base to make a gallon of sweet tea and stir to combine.

6. Refrigerate until very cold. Refrigerate for at least 4 hours or, ideally, overnight.

7. Serve over ice. Pour the sweet tea into ice-filled glasses. Add a sprig of mint or a slice of lemon to each, if desired!

[Image: ice-tea-300x290.jpg]

Friday
As the first period wound down in West Kendall, disaster struck! Katy Perry, super hot, generously proportioned singing star of stage and screen came down with a sudden attack of gout and announced she would be unable to provide the between period mini concert she was supposed to perform. Platoon management was in an uproar, with time ticking down and no clue about what to to do. To make matters worse, additional funds were unavailable.

It was at this moment that the retired Toonza legend Slappy McDoodle, at the game as a spectator, stopped by the back offices to see if any of the vials of the good, liquid LSD he’d stashed back in the day were still around. McDoodle, known to be a charismatic though extremely weird guy became managements desperation move. They gave him a microphone and sent him out onto the ice with the instructions, “Just go entertain the people. Maybe skate around a little. Sing some of that Sinatra you like.” Well, Slappy had found some of that good acid and dropped a few hits onto his tongue before going out. What transpired was a twenty minute lecture on surrealism versus reality wIth quite a few tangents into metaphysical rambling.

[Image: tumblr_lyhqjvPQpr1qdcgp6o1_500.gif]

[Image: tumblr_lyhqjvPQpr1qdcgp6o1_500.gif]

Which group will end up with more total Blocks in Game 4 of the series?

Ludwig Koch Schroder and Jon Ross

Troy_McClure03 · 10-16-2018, 09:31 PM

Bonus: Ludwig Koch Schroder and Jon Ross

Task 1

hey, hey, turn this shit up right here!

Listen up little fans and let me tell ya,

about the West Kendall and there big fella,

Nicknamed “the wall” because you can't get by,

slides in the crease like shit attracts a fly,

Stops the shots like a bartender after last call,

Has his own section in the locker room, his stall (stall mother fucker!)

Mother fucker must've just came out of the oven cuz he's a Biscuit,

dude is like a brisket sitting piled high on a triscuit!

Drop the puck mother fuckers it is time to play

drop the puck stupid zebra lets get on our way,

Drop the puck you dirty bitch its time to roll,

drop the puck fucking bitch its time to score some goals,

Ready for part two of this stupid sick jam?

This fucking keeper just doesn't give a damn,

Zhumbayev is his name and isn't like no other,

watch out because he's gonna fuck your mother,

Gloves so quick he is getting calls from boxers,

Man made of golds, like the king of the Medes, Cyaxares,

Stops pucks like it is job because, well it is,

Tokek is a pussy who gives old ladies the biz.
I'd like to apologize for this in advance, thanks.

Task 2:

Winnipeg - Rumors surfaced today that the placeholder defensemen Troy McClure 3 was caught performing a disgusting and criminal act with the worlds oldest prostitute during a practice this week. The league would like to make clear that they support local business, but such sexual acts must be done with a permit. We would like to offically apologize on behalf of the Winnipeg Jets, the people of Winnipeg, and the persons who had to spend the next days cleaning up after the act took place. The failure for Troy McClure III to obtain a public sex permit is disgusting and the league will have a sit down discussion with Troy in the offseason. Once again we are sorry that Troy rode a 95 year old woman "the dirty way" through the streets of Winnipeg without permit. Next time he will get said permit before doing such acts. He has also been fined 50 dollars, the cost of the permit. Thank you.

Task 3: @FlappyGiraffe

How do you see yourself getting used in this series?

Flappy: I see myself getting used in a shutdown role, to try and stop the rampant West Kendall offense. So far I haven't done a great job, but it's still early in the series!

Who is the worst player on the jets?

Flappy: The worst player on the Jets by far is Jensen Trygg. He is so bad that Zach Evans sacrificed him to Simon T midway through game 2 of the finals. He was recently extended for S44, but I'm not sure if we'll see him at camp.

What is your goal coming out of the finals?

Flappy: My goal coming out of the finals is to win my first Challenge Cup, as well as prove to the rest of the league that last year was an outlier and that the Winnipeg Jets are still the real deal.

Task 4 = No thanks

Task 5:

- What young player has a chance to make a name for them self in this series?

Troy Mcclure III, the young defensemen who was a suprise to make the jets this year, could be a series difference if he'd get his act together. So far no good as the Winnipeg jets are down 3 to 0 in the series. Expect Troy to continue to receive sheltered minutes as he tries to find his game.

- Who is the favorite and who is the underdog of this series and why?

At the start of this series, the Jets were the favorite to win. Looking at 4 must win games, however, it is obvious that the Jets are now the underdogs. West Kendell has had the jets number from the first goal in the series, and the Jets have to change something to get an edge here and win some games. However, I'm still rooting for the Jets to take the final in 7.

- Which organization needs this championship more in terms of legacy?

- Who has been there teams surprise player in the post season?

The biggest surprise player for this series has been West Kendells goaltender, Beaujeaux Biscuit. Don't get it twisted, the Platoon have played great and really exposed Winnipeg's weakness, but Biscuit has made some amazing saves on this high powered Jets team. The MVP vote will go to Biscuit, assuming the Platoon win. The Jets have only one more chance to solve Beaujeaux Biscuit and the Platoon.

Task 9:

In 150 words or more, explain what you came up with and how will it be implamented. The Plan must include a diagram or picture.

SHE CHANGED HER MIND?! LIKE A GIRL CHNAGES CLOTHES?! ...I hope mrs. Perry isn't PMSing like a bitch. Only she would know.

After some careful considerations, I spring my plan into action. First, I call the Head Office. When they don't answer, I give up and make my own plan. I contact the arena personnel and let them know the situation. The only way this is going to work is if we have every single person on board. They tell the refs, the refs tell all the players, and we ensure that our plan is going to work from our end.

https://imgur.com/a/6C1hnSd

Then I run to the dollar store and buy 11 packs of blue rubber bands. During intermission the lights fade. All the players from both teams skate out and the PA announcer screams "WHO WANTS A FREE WRIST BAND!!!" the players then throw the rubber bands into the crowds. The ushers empty there pockets and throw even more rubber bands. There will be rubberbands everywhere! The fans will go nuts as the PA system plays some toto or something, it doens't matter, because there are FREE WRISTBANDS!!

GeckoeyGecko · 10-16-2018, 09:45 PM

1.
(verse 1)
Yuh yuh
Ting ting
Skrt skrt
Skraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know who it is
Big JY
'lil Geck
in da haussssss
Jon Ross clap bombs
yeet yeet fuck moms
(drum solo)

(chorus)
Winnipeg Jets
West Kendall Platoon
I hope that this rap
is over real soon
challenge cup final
matchup is primal
yeetus
deletus
slob on me knob
like corn on the cob

(Haiku bridge)
West Kendall Platoon
will be facing off against
the Winnipeg Jets
(end of haiku bridge)

(verse 2)
Yeet yeet
yuh yuh
ting skrt skra
*ten minutes of incoherent mumbling*
SKEDOOPASKEDOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWWOOWOW
Alex Light
skrt skrt
will go and fight
skrt skrt
the winnipeg jets
and troy mcclure III
everybody with me now

(chorus)
(bridge 2)
yeet
yote
ya ya skrrtrrtrtrtrtrtrtrt
*around 2 more minutes of incomprehensible gibberish*
the Challenge cup
will be lifted up
by the hands of those victorious
this rap is pretty cancerous
(chorus)

I'm so sorry you had to read that @~~Mike Izzy~~

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