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Dangles13 · 12-22-2018, 11:11 PM

Code:
Gimme that sweet double payout or I'll cut your favourite pantaloons.

Hello everyone,

Today we are here to discuss the recently revived Anaheim Outlaws and the factors that led to their creation and my subsequent appointment as their general manager. I would like to take some time to introduce my co-gm as well as the players while sharing my vision and direction for the team. Lastly, I would like to announce who will be donning letters for the Outlaws this season.

Only a few short days ago, the Outlaws were a long defunct franchise who were languishing in the annals of history, begging for a chance to be free. An unprecedented influx of draft-eligible players afforded the Outlaws a chance to leave their dormant state and spring back into existence. As a favour to the powers that be, I threw my name into the ring as an emergency manager. I understand that some people were upset by this hiring process as it did not follow the proper channels; to those people, I say, why did you not extend your offer as I did?

I also did not go through the "proper method" of hiring my right-hand man, @hockeyfan. Harvey is a very smart and ambitious person and one whom I knew was up to the task and did not hesitate to contact him when I got hired. I had some offers to help me out from some hungry potential general managers that we quite tempting but I was confident that I had the right person for the job already on speed dial.

I don't know that people are aware how daunting of a task this venture turned out to be. Not only did my counterpart, @DanbyRem, have to scout the near 200 prospects like the other general managers, but we also had to scout eight other SMJHL teams to plan for our expansion draft. The Lions and the Outlaws worked together very closely over a two-day span as they scrambled to cobble together the skeleton of a minor league team before heading into the draft to add meat to those bones. A lot of last minute preparation and scouting was done at the expense of sweet, sweet sleep.

Talking with Harvey, we decided on a course of action and selected who we felt were the four best available players in the expansion draft. We managed to acquire some scoring, some solid defensive players and most importantly, veteran leadership. We decided on what kind of players we wanted to focus on in the draft and made our board up to match our ideals. We felt that we drafted well and hit most of the targets we set and we are optimistic about the squad we assembled and we cannot wait to see them on the ice.

Let's meet the players!

C - Keegan Angello - @Angello

First up is our number one centreman, Keegan Angello, who we selected with our first pick in the expansion draft. Angello is a pass first pivot who doesn't neglect the defensive side of the ice. The scouts have told us he has to work on some things if he hopes to become a truly dominant player but we feel he will be a large part of our first line this season.

RW - Hiro Fujikawa - @"Marley"

Our next pick was dedicated to Japanese superstar, Fujikawa. The speedy sniper is not a one trick pony in our eyes, Hiro has all the tools to be a franchise player and one who we plan on using in all situations this season. Fujikawa has also been great around the rookies this offseason and really impressed those of us in management.

D - Aaron Rome

We really wanted to come out of expansion with at least one defender and Rome has the makings of a shutdown defenceman who can mentor the younger players finding their way. Aaron is a great steady-eddy type of player who won't make mistakes by cheating for offense.

C - Mister McCarty

McCarty is a guy who saw as capable of filling that third line center spot. A guy who knows how to look after his own end and can maybe chip in a timely goal or two as the season progresses. Like Rome, he isn't flashy but he gets the job done and coaches trust him when the game is on the line.

RW - Jerry Mander - @GCool

When Mander declared for the draft we knew we had to draft him. The Russian is everything you want in a franchise player and when he was still there 10th overall it was a no-brainer to trip all over ourselves to announce his name at the podium. The powerful winger is adept at protecting the puck and driving to the difficult parts of the ice. Mander is not afraid to beat off the D if it means he can finish behind the big man with the pads. Jerry is the embodiment of Outlaw hockey!

RW - Collin Gibbles - @SpartanGibbles

Collin is a guy that I contemplated taking 10th overall, I like his skillset that much. Gibbles is a pass-first player but he competes hard and knows that there are three zones in hockey. We are very excited for his potential and we expect magnificent things for the American born skater in a few seasons.

D - Osbert Whacker - @BWIII

Having only Mr. Rome on our team scared the daylights out of us so when pick 30 rolled around we were pleasantly surprised that Mr. Whacker was still on the board. Osbert is a smooth skating gazelle capable of shutting down the best forwards in the game but what really intrigues us is his offensive potential. Our coaching staff fully believes that they can turn Whacker into a perennial Stevens candidate.

G - Tibuk Soonika - @chetib

I really had my eyes on Jakub Hasek at this spot and was very ready to fill out my ballot for the Commissioner when the mean boys from Detroit peeked on my draft board and stole my goalie. However, I looked down to the next name on my list and Soonika was still there. The stand-up tendy has lighting-like reflexes and is just a truly great person to communicate with. I am pleased with the early returns on this pick.

D - Anthony Banthony - @Nebula

After securing our goalie, Harvey and I decided to try to round out our defensive core and opted for the hard-hitting yet offensively gifted, Anthony Banthony. Not only is his name insanely fun to say, but he's also been electric in the drills we have seen him perform. It is possible that Banthony could be one of the best powerplay quarterbacks in this draft.

G - Mike Hunt - @"AtlasHunter"

Again, we had eyes on a different goalie but when Nadeau went one pick before us to our rival expansion team it was not hard to select Mike Hunt. Another fun name to say, Hunt has been terrific early on. Mike has made the locker room a really fun place to be and has already made a friendly rivalry with Soonika. We feel that our goalie tandem has serious potential to fuck the league up.

D - Mathias Seger - @Segi

Seger might be my favourite pick in the entire draft. The Swiss blue-liner was quiet and calm but you could see the potential early on if you only looked a little deeper. Now that I have seen Seger on the ice in drills and spoken to him at team meetings I could not be happier. The two-way defender's on-ice potential is trumped by his office proclivity for absorbing knowledge. Mathias is not shy when it comes to asking questions and he wants to know everything; keep your eyes on this player because big things are popping.

RW - Thornton Opperman - @Copperm

Thornton is a quiet guy who is always working. Opperman has a natural offensive flair but he seems unsure of what he wants to be at this level. One thing is for sure, Opperman will be a guy who can play any situation that the coach wants him to and with his dedication to hard work his coaches will love him.

RW - Alexei Ivanov - @JoeyOCanada

Admittedly, I was not very familiar with Ivanov when I called his name. I had heard he had a very deadly shot but not much else. As of now, the young Russian has been very quiet but has assured us that he will speak when the moment is right. Enigmatic is thrown around a lot when describing Russian players but this is less stereotype and more honest, not much is know about Alexei.

RW - Jaco Petermen - @JC488

Recently signed Petermen is expected to have a decent role in the Outlaws top 9 and could even be a top 6 player within weeks. Jaco has a knack for creating offensive plays and if he develops chemistry with the right players he could be an out of nowhere electric rookie!

Our last three picks of the draft have all failed to show up to training camp so far which means we know jack shit about them. Jonny Jokihoki would ideally round out the third pairing while Sean Watson and Jaune Attend look to hold down the 4th line. If these players decide to show up to practice in the next few days then they could provide Anaheim with a real shot in the arm. Harvey and I decided to bring in some camp players to help fill the lines, for now, Kravtsov, Momoka, Maximino, and Zommers could all catch on and play in Anaheim for the season but they also run the risk of being cut for younger and hungrier players.

Finally, it is time for what you have all been waiting for; time to announce who will be stitching letters onto their jerseys for this season. Being a captain is a big task and not one I ask lightly of my players but I feel certain that I have selected very capable people who can shoulder the burden.

The second alternate this season will be:

Mathias Seger

The rookie defenseman has been remarkable early on as he latches onto every piece of information thrown his way. Mathias is a consummate professional and we believe that what he does off the ice will be instrumental in not only his development but the development of the whole team. Seger is someone we feel will provide a calming presence when the game gets heated and can talk to the referees when shit goes down.

The first alternate will be:

Jerry "The Snake" Mander

We made Mander our first ever draft pick for a reason and his play is downright dynamic. Mander may not be a rah-rah type leader but his play speaks for itself. Jerry will go muck it up and bang bodies, he can deliver timely goals and he can kill penalties. Watching a guy like Mander on the ice gets the blood flowing and he is someone that people will try to emulate and for that reason, we feel he is going to be a good alternate captain.

The first captain of this iteration of the Outlaws is:

Hiro Fujikawa

The young man from Japan has been so much more than we hoped when we got him in the expansion draft. Hiro has been willing to lend a hand to the new guys finding their way in this league. Hiro is willing to do whatever management asks of him and that is a great example for the young players. Most importantly, Hiro talks a big game and he backs it up; you want your leaders to be confident but more importantly, you want them to deliver on their bravado. Fujikawa looks to be our leader both on and off the ice and I couldn't have asked for a better player to be the face of the Anaheim Outlaws.

There you have it. These are your Season 45 Anaheim Outlaws and they are here to fuck shit up. We have a bright future and we are going to put the SMJHL on notice. We might be young but we are full of piss and vinegar and if you sleep on us we will take you to the cleaners

JackHrīm · 12-23-2018, 01:08 AM

Truly beautiful let's fuck um up we would follow you to the ends of the earth big dick dangles!!
Outlaws

hockeyfan · 12-23-2018, 02:45 AM

Hopefully we will be so good that they decide to fold Halifax instead.

SpartanGibbles · 12-23-2018, 03:26 AM

Simply beautiful. The Outlaws are going to ransack this league and run away with the Cup. #OutlawCountry

GCool · 12-23-2018, 09:18 AM

Congrats to my fellow captains! Excited to get this season rolling. Smile

bana · 12-23-2018, 07:10 PM

Very honoured to wear the C as the Outlaws make a return to the SMJHL. Last time I was on the Outlaws I believe was Season 3 or 4 and the feeling of nostalgia is crazy.

Let's Go Guys!!!!

Copperm · 12-23-2018, 07:14 PM

Let's go boys! Excited to get going! #OutlawCountry

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