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Lunatyck · 04-16-2019, 02:31 PM

HALO HALO HALO.

Przemek here and kurwa mac I having some great great news from my agent. This morning, I waking up to milking cows because utter full like overpacked kielbasa and Papa Mirek having too much hangover to do it himself so he telling me to do it. So I go into barn, avoiding big cow shit because no wanting to step in it, and starting to pull milk out of cow tit when I hearing my cell phone ring from inside home. Mama Bozena hearing phone and see agent is calling so she running outside quickly yelling "PRZEMEK AGENT CALLING AGENT CALLING" but she forgetting she only in night gown and no shoe. She running fast to barn and before I can say "MAMA LOOKING OUT COW SHIT" poor bozena stepping right into big pile and slipping on ground. Luckily very much hay in barn so she no hurting herself but at this moment I having to answer so no helping mama. I tell her "mama I help you in 2 minute but first agent calling" and I answer phone.

PB: HALO Przemek here what happening agent?

Agent: PB!! Great fucking news bud! YOU GOT THE CALL. NEW ENGLAND WANTS THAT POLISH POWER IN THEIR LINEUP AND THEY OFFERED YOU A 3 MILLION CONTRACT TO BOOT! Congrats bud you deserve it!

PB: Holy shit! 3 millionski!? That is over 12 million polski zloty, more money that all of stare bystre, jablonka, and czarny dunajec have ever have in whole life time. Did you tell them I accepting? Also, what the fuck is new england? I thought SHL only playing in amerika not in England?

Agent: Well I couldn't accept without your permission but I told them I'm sure you're most likely going to sign. Also, New England is in America you dumb polak. Ever hear of Boston? You know, Tom Brady.. Patriots.. Bruins.. Red sox.. Ah who am I kidding you grew up in the middle of no where. Boston is nice you'll love it. Plus I heard a rumor that you'll be a special guest at Boston's Polish Fest on May 5th if you sign!

PB: Polish fest? Boston having polaks too? Is nice having good polsk deli to buy musztarda because I still cannot believing this shit yellow musztarda Amerikanski eating. But yes, tell England New I accepting! In regarding Polish fest, I only attending if they have kielbasa. If no kielbasa, I no coming. You tell them that?

Agent: Yes they will have kielbasa.. what else you going to ask? Will they have pierogi? Does a bear shit in the woods?

PB: Everyone knowing bears shit in woods. They also shit in river. But I never get close to bear, especially no brown bear. I no idiot wanting to get eaten like some idiot clown.

Agent: Jesus fucking christ, never mind. Anyways, congrats bud. New England's front office guy @Ace was all in on you bud so don't fuck this up. Rumor is he wants to bring you up to the show as soon as possible. How's the workout and training going in Poland? Also when you coming back? I know you needed some time off but I would suggest you get the next flight home so we can start hitting these team workouts in the offseason to up some of your skills. Plus we need to get your gloves fitted and get a photoshoot in for the fans.

PB: Training going great. Jaroslaw Dlugozapierdalacz is training me and we having focus many things such like skating, passing, and mainly defense. He says always to me "kurwa defense namber 1 only defense and no defense meaning you pussy. Look ruski team, no defense no winning. Stupid dogs" But yes, I am planning return soon but I confusing. Do I go Detroit or England?

Agent: New England. Please for hte love of God don't go to London. Actually fuck it, I'll book your flight for the day after tomorrow. Get your good byes in, give Mama Bozena and Papa Mirek a hug, buy some gifts and get your ass home.

PB: I no hugging mama now, she covering in cow shit. very disgusting

Agent: What? Actually never mind I don't even want to know. I'll email you your itinerary in a few hours. See you soon bud and congrats.

WOW! MAMA I MAKING TEAM. I GOING PLAYING IN ENLAND BUT IN NEW ENGLAND NO OLD ENGLAND. Mama Bozena so exciting she scream "THANKS GOD JESUS! PRZEMEK IS MAKING THE BIG LIGA!! MIREK WSTAWAJ (WAKE UP) KURWA MAC!! Mama so exciting she hug me even though she covering in cow shit, but at this time its okay because very important day. Papa Mirek hearing news, running out in white tightey underwear and boots only, and hugging us too. Now whole family covering in cow shit. We only having one shower. Great.

Anyway, this is all time I having for today. I am very exciting to go play for new team but I will very much missing my Detroitski Falcon brothers. I will always remembering this good times with them and hopefully one day I can come back and visit Detroitski one more time. Thank you to @notorioustig for drafting and believing in polski farmer boi, but now I go and making you and new team very proud.

Przemek over an out.

SKREEEEEE Falcons