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Leoben · 11-21-2019, 06:36 PM

Read for grading.

The Simulation Galactic Hockey League just celebrated their 250th season and decided to take a look back to what sim-hockey was like in the old days. They discovered a few torn journal entries from a player who used to go by the name Josef Kubinec. He played for a team called the Renegades in a place called Texas. It is in the southern part of what used to be the United States of America before the entire landmass turned into a giant Disneyland. The winger refers to a game that was played on ice where they skated with metal blades on their shoes. The current version is less barbaric and played on a surface that our ancestors called “air hockey.”

Below are what could be deciphered from Kubinec’s journal entries.

Season 51

I figured I would start documenting the seasons better going forward. I am honestly not sure how many more seasons our league can survive since the incident. This season was not so bad. Texas did a little better than they did in Season 50. I did about the same. The game was a little different as players seemed to focus less on teamwork and more on just blasting pucks toward the goal. Still, no records were shattered like everyone predicted.

Season 52

I only have three seasons left before regression after this one so I really need to focus. Practice has changed. Coach doesn’t even really run practice anymore. He just stares at the ice blankly and blows his whistle. We might skate a little but he seems to have given up on everything. We made the playoffs this season but didn’t go far. Still, it’s nice to be improving. I just can’t help but feel like things are about to get worse.

Season 54

The league contracted. Both Chicago and Tampa Bay folded. Their players were shipped off in a contraction draft. We only have about five guys left on our team so I expect us to be gone after this season.

Season 56

Texas dissolved and the three of us left ended up in Santa Fe. We won the Challenge Cup. It went seven games and we beat the Wolfpack 23 to 4. I had two hat tricks.

Season 57

Regression has kicked in. The new guys I’m training with don’t even skate anymore. Practices are gone. It’s just a bunch of fat guys who shoot pucks at the net. No athleticism at all. I tried to pick a fight with one of them and they just shot a puck at me. No passing, no skating, no checking. People just shoot the puck all day long. White Goodman is seeing ghosts. His reflexes are shot. I tapped him on the shoulder yesterday and he put me in a choke-hold. He’s fucked.

Season 58

Games are non-existent anymore. There was talk of just doing penalty shootouts but everyone refused to do any skating. Games have just become a shoot-off. We shoot the puck, the other team shoots the puck. And we do that for three periods. This isn’t hockey.

Season 60

Despite being in regression I finally had my first 150 goal season. Not bad but no one will touch Mika’s record of 400 goals. The Challenge Cup came down to seven games again as the London Warriors beat the Paris Parisians. The final game was a nail-biter but London came out on top 33-32.

Season 62

So we have elected to stop using skates at all. All equipment is gone except sticks. No pads. No need. We’re all so soft though. So soft.

Season 63

I have decided to retire after Season 66. That will be enough for me. All my friends are long gone. Some dead. King came back but he was run off again. Did Hallsy know all this could happen? There is no way he knew…no one left.

Season 64

Scored goals and stuff. I don’t even know who won the Challenge Cup. Does it matter? What was the meaning of all this?

Season 65

So this season they elected to do away with teams. We are all individuals now. I ranked 21st out of the 22 players remaining. I just don’t have the magic anymore. It’s over. I’m so tired. I miss my friends.

Season 66

I decided to hang on for one more season. We had a draft this year. Almost a full round. Best we have done in seven seasons. We decided to have teams again. Two of them. We played each other 82 times. Whose idea was that again?

Season 67

They captured Hallsy today. Put him on trial. It’s on television. I haven’t seen people this upset since PennKnight. Not sure what the charges are.

Season 68

Hallsy escaped custody. Living in Nicaragua. Not sure how he got out but Waters was probably behind it. No real proof but there was a flaming Steelhawk logo outside the prison. Go figure.

Season 69

I finally retired. I’m so tired. I can see my friends now. All my old teammates. They look glorious, in their skates and uniforms. I think I’m going to go now.

If anyone reads this in the future, carry this message to your children. Tell them, don’t stop passing. Never stop passing. This is a team sport. Ignore the numbers and the stats. It kills the sport. Hockey used to be for everyone. Don’t let analytics ruin it like they did every other sport. Just tell them to have fun. But don’t’ stop passing. For God’s sake, if we only knew, we would go back. Or would we? If it wasn’t this, would something else have killed our game? This will be my last entry.

It is not too late to go back. If you have come this far, maybe you are willing to go a little further. Find Simon T. He has the answers, if he is still alive. Tell him he needs to create a new engine. A new sport. One where passing is not only encouraged, but required, before shooting. Only Simon has the code, but he can solve this. Find him, and learn from our mistakes.

Josef Kubinec

S46 – S69