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StadiumGambler · 03-10-2021, 09:42 PM

Commander Shepard is probably human, but I have my doubts sometimes about him, if hes some type of outworlder. I've entertained the possibility of him being a cyborg, due to the fact he reviewed about 190000 Steam games as "His favourite game on Steam."

He also reminisces about some space war called the Skyllian Blitz, which shows up in no human history books I'm aware of.

.......Suspicious........

Mediocre_Fred · 03-10-2021, 10:10 PM

Yeah, I'm pretty sure Edward Williams is an alien. Even as far back as our Detroit days, he just seemed too good. Too good to be a human hockey player, so he's definitely an alien.

Demolish · 03-10-2021, 10:15 PM

Well I don't mingle amongst the SHL crowd much so my best guess would be @lespoils or better known as Jurt in Colorado locker room. I doubt his human race only because of the 2 names he uses!

First off @lespoils , like c'mon man, it is deceiving to the human eye, even though I read as lespoils I just never get it on the first try, as my eyes almost always read #lespolis. So you see, I think its a secret code for some extraterrestrial city name.

And secondly, his alias side name used in our locker room is Jurt! Really? Jurt? It sounds like a foreign word from a different planet, or like a grunt....Jurt! I think it means "go away". Or maybe it means hello? Not sure, it was the very first thing that came out of his mouth when we first met him...so Jurt!

Mazatt · 03-10-2021, 11:31 PM

I got a couple theories from the ol' Blizz corner about who could be an alien in hiding. Julio Tokolosh reeks of being an alien who morphed into the wrong body to blend in and everyone has just accepted it. Like, a damn cow playing hockey? That's just questionable af. It's a literal cow, I don't know how much more obvious that could be. They shouldn't be able to play hockey, this is clearly a highly coordinated alien in a cows body. I also think recent player Shirikami Fubuki is an alien. Not to be mean or anything, but ma'am has wolf or fox ears. That is not a human thing, and it makes me think she might just be an alien.

Another player that's sus is Jon Forty-One. I don't know if he's an alien or what, but I'm pretty sure I've seen him stab people on TV over three different documentaries and he is still playing hockey? Maybe management is just ignoring it but he killed a man with a pencil on live television. There has to be some kind of freaky-friday alien BS coming into play with how he can do that, and then come play hockey for the Blizzard. Maybe this is a classic situation where he's just too good of a player to be in prison? That doesn't seem fair or anything but shit, he's a great player on the team so I can't complain.

Jean-Paul Boivin is an alien because the fact such a heavy hitter on the ice can lift so little is out of this world.

Snoopdogg · 03-11-2021, 12:55 AM

Laugh out loud, this is absolutely an easy question to answer. I will shun him now and expose him for the impostor he is @Julio Tokolosh. Yes he thinks that he fits right in and no boby can notice that fat melon of a cow head. Like who does he think he fools? Everybody knows that cows cannot play hockey like the way Julio can, Duh! And yeah, the name does throw us a curveball, you know Julio is earthly and shit but he or it rather never even tried to cover that face.

Come to think of it, I love that head, really I do now, its peaceful and feels like home too! I'm sorry @Julio Tokolosh for throwing under the bus, I don't know whats going on anymore!

HELP!

***boom*** · 03-11-2021, 01:39 AM

Julio Tokolosh is definitely the alien in the locker room for the Blizzard. I mean, how can an animal with hooves be such an elite hockey player? It just defies logic, yet Julio is out there every night, chugging along and scoring goals.

Jogurtaa · 03-11-2021, 04:43 AM

I consider anyone who can use photoshop like a god to be alien. I mean how do you do that guys, amazing. Sig Gods = Aliens. Plain and simple. Maybe someone wants to make me a sig? Anyone? No?

Duff101 · 03-11-2021, 06:53 AM

There are aliens among us, from the planet Placce Hollder who seek to usurp and conquer our human society by putting the letters PH on posts that take 5 minutes of effort or less. For some it is too late, but others can still be saved.

Credit to Geck, Ragnar and Juni for sigs

*Zoone16* · 03-11-2021, 09:18 AM

It is a known fact that no human being is actually willing to be shot at with frozen discs of rubber that sometimes reaches speeds of up to 110 miles per hour. Therefore we can assume that every single goalie in the league is a good suspect for being an alien. What are they hiding behind that mask? and those pads? pretty suspect if you ask me.

***Hordle*** · 03-11-2021, 10:17 AM

There are no aliens. Okay. That's it. Drop it before I vaporize report you to HR

Kierkan · 03-11-2021, 12:50 PM

Teddy Park can be described in a lot of different ways. I would characterize him as a savage beast of extraterrestrial origins. I've seen him try to wrestle a zamboni, get into a heated shouting match with various electrical cables, and even challenge a monument on a bench to a fight in broad daylight. Someone possessing so much unbridled rage and aggression towards various inanimate objects can't possibly be human. We all miss him.

Also...

Nice try, Men in Black.

Muerto · 03-11-2021, 01:10 PM

I think it's obvious that Winnipeg goalie Strom Chamberlain was replaced by an alien shapeshifter this season. An alien from a planet which has no ice. Because he used to be good but this season he acted like he'd never played before. It's the only explanation!

notoriousTRON · 03-11-2021, 02:20 PM

I'm starting to suspect that Scoochie Stratton (@honkerrs) is an alien. Here is my reasoning: it's hard to believe that someone who is such a bully in the locker room but also not good at hockey could be allowed to retain his job on a professional hockey team. Like what does he bring to the table? I have two possible scenarios that could explain it.
1) @ml002 works for NASA and is well aware that Stratton is not from Earth. In this scenario, ML is reporting his findings on Scoochie's fit in the locker room (or lack there of) back to the government so that we know more about his race's social interactions. ML is also diligently taking notes on his nacho consumption while on the bench and is likely reporting those findings back to NASA as well. Or he's keeping those for his own private use. It's unclear but he's definitely taking notes on Scooch when he should be coaching the team on the ice.
2) ML and the team are not aware that Scoochie is an alien and instead he has the whole organization brainwashed into believing that a backup goalie who brings nothing to the table in terms of skill or locker room fit actually has a place on a playoff caliber roster. It's unclear if I am immune to his species' brainwashing or if he's just letting me know the truth to toy with me or he knows that no one will believe me.
As far as I can tell, both scenarios are equally likely but one thing I'm certain of: Scoochie's species appears to be allergic to rubber since the dude literally couldn't stop a puck if his life depended on it.
TLDR: Scoochie is an alien and he's bullying me. ML doesn't care or is in on it. Send help.

Sig Cred: Carpy, ML, RainDelay, Donini & Geekusoid

*CementHands* · 03-11-2021, 03:12 PM

I have it on good authority that Manyhands has inseminated Nathan Thomas @KaleSalad
I won't reveal my sources, but they said "It's definitely a real thing, and not made up", so I think that's pretty rock solid.

W19eaver · 03-11-2021, 03:24 PM

I think it's very clear that my beloved teammate and founder of the great FHN, Michael Fitted, is an alien. No regular human being can just be some completely unaware of spell check.

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