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***boom*** · 03-18-2021, 11:44 PM

[387 words, ready for grading]

Context: While running test sims for the Whalers' second round, I somehow managed to get into a bizarre softlock situation and have no idea how it happened, so I decided to have a little fun with it.

While analyzing film and tactics for the Vancouver Whalers' upcoming playoff series against the league-leading Kelowna Knights, head GM Kelvin Jensen ran into a bizarre occurrence that defies all explanation. Jensen loaded in team offensive data and his observations from film data of the Knights, into a computer simulation program that the team used to determine what might need to be changed in this series from the previous one if they hoped to pull off the 8th-seed upset. Everything looked fine for the first few runs. A few series wins, a few losses, while the system sorted itself out. Then, on the sixth simulation, with the Whalers up 3-2 in their series against Kelowna, something went wrong. An error message that defied all logic.

"Not enough skaters to create lineup for Quebec City Citadelles!"

That's odd, Jensen thought. The system had data for every team in the league to allow for detailed simulations, but all of Quebec's settings had been left on the default since it wasn't necessary to upload their expected parameters. Shrugging, Jensen clicked the button to simulate past the issue.

"Not enough skaters to create lineup for Quebec City Citadelles!"

This was starting to get annoying. Jensen didn't want to lose this simulation, as the Whalers were up 3-2 in the series and playing very well, so he clicked the button a third time.

"Not enough skaters to create lineup for Quebec City Citadelles!"

Finally out of patience, Kelvin Jensen booted up the lineup for the Citadelles and saw...a perfectly good lineup with 18 skaters, 2 goalies, and looking perfectly normal. This lineup had worked fine for the first few games of their series, so why had it failed now? Jensen grimaced and pressed the button for a fourth time.

"Not enough skaters to create lineup for Quebec City Citadelles!"

At this point, Jensen got fed up and just rebooted the system. He ran the simulation from the start and...everything was normal. The problem, whatever it was, had disappeared as quickly as it arrived.

The moral of the story, is that computers are sentient. They are alive. And sometimes, they just decide to say "No." And if the Vancouver Whalers ever go up 3-2 in a playoff series, prepare for the end of the world and buy all the Skynet stock you can afford.