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Gifter of Bikes · 09-02-2021, 03:43 PM

If the orange pill works, that's the clear answer. Look, hockey is nice and all, but no one is on the ice 24 hours a day. There needs to be a quality of life off the ice as well as on it. Long walks in the park, having a pet that doesn't make me sick, and so on is more than worth the price of admission. I mean, I might even become the SHL's first ever cat lady, and come into the locker rooms smelling like dander and litter boxes. Who can say?

Plus, as someone with bad allergies, having that issue cleared up before stepping into the ice will allow that precious oxygen to flow through my otherwise sticky and sodden nasal passages, giving my typically lethargic body a natural shot of life. The ability to breathe freely is something that people without allergies take for granted. Once I'm on that level, look out world!

JumpierPegasus · 09-02-2021, 03:52 PM

I take the black pill and slash is fired. I then create a sub PT committee that is meant to come up with ideas and generate different PT plans that feed a prompt pool. I then tap Teddy/Luke/other members who run some of the coding on the site and I pitch the idea of a PT bot that uses these pools of ideas to generate a new PT every week that will post a PT and mPT thread every week automatically. Thus I will rake in the PT director money for my bank and literally do nothing since everyone else comes up with the ideas for me and then a bot actually posts the PT threads. The most I may have to do is post up the predictions and 3 on 3 threads and even then a script could possibly be written to pull those PT's from the sim schedule for predictions and a pool of ideas for the 3 on 3. Would make the job easier than ever. Put ideas together at the start of the year and then never look at it again.

Graders still do their jobs. Easiest job in the world now

qWest · 09-02-2021, 04:07 PM

ISFL Welfare

**RomanesEuntDomus** · 09-02-2021, 06:30 PM

Why do I have to think of a Viva La Dirt League skit as I read this... But nevermind, I digress.

Well the purple pill sounds quite yummy because grapes are awesome, but I think I'd go with the green pill. Being one of the smartest people in the world would allow me to do so much good not just in a hockey context but for humanity in general. And I don't think the physical repurcussions that come with it would be that big of a hindrance - for my hockey career, maybe, but not for everything else. I mean, have you seen what Stephen Hawking has done with a body that was barely even functioning, merely being a child would be a piece of cake compared to that.

Plus, their might be some more unintended consequences of this pill as well... So it turns me into a child, sure, but do I just start growing older again afterwards? Probably not, as I understand it I would probably stay a child but what would that mean? Immortality! Eternal life and youth! While being so smart that I can make the world a better place for generations. Yes pleaaaaaase!

Steelhead77 · 09-02-2021, 06:32 PM

Black Pill - I become PT Director. I would take this pill because I think I'd be a great PT director and my PT's would all be centered around 2 things... Hockey and food. This is the lifeblood of the SHL. I have many great ideas for hockey point tasks, things like rookie hazing, pull a prank on a teammate, choose one player from history to emulate your game after and discuss his stats, etc. Easy shit like that. Food related I'd go with by bread and butter, design a new concession stand menu for your team's home games named after players on your team, describe the food items. Same think with a drink menu. What's your pre and post game meal, what happens at team dinners, tell an embarrassing story about rooming on the road with a teammate. Jesus I'd be great at this. Slash should consult me for point task ideas, I mean he's doing a good job but obviously we need more hockey and food related tasks. So yeah I'd take the black pill and become pt director, not that I have time for the job or want to do it because like many jobs in the shl it's a thankless endeavor, but since you asked that's my answer.

---> ParmBorg Highlights <---

#1 All-Time SHL Goal & Point Scorer
- First 2,000 TPE Player in SHL History -
- First 400 Goal Scorer in SHL History -
- Only 500 Goal Scorer in SHL History -
- First GM to Win 5 & 6 Challenge Cups -
Esa Anrikkanen Award - SMJHL ROY - Est. S34
Vidrik Onoprienko Award Winner - S45

Dragonite

Blasoon · 09-02-2021, 06:56 PM

Well, I think it should be known, God did not create me in a favourable way. I have many an ailment, with hay fever being the premier affliction. It is so bad that it even effects my ability to eat healthy fruits. So I am definitely going to be an orange pill guy. All the way. If this is a 'one pill cures all' kinda scenario then watch me morph into the best player ever. Like all the league records will go bye bye. The league will have to drug test me, but they won't be able to do anything because orange pills and HGH are both super legal.

I can keep taking more of the orange pill, right?

Either way, I am going to be absolutely jacked without the wilds of Saskatchewan interfering with my breathing and sneezing. I think this orange pill might actually let me capture some hardware for myself and for the city of Regina.

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***hotdog*** · 09-02-2021, 08:30 PM

I would take the black pill and now I am PT director. As PT director, I would introduce a new weekly task called primetime where users predict who will win select games from that day. I would also introduce a 3on3 and primetime for IIHF to keep people entertained during the offseason and try to make people care about IIHF more. I would change 3on3 and primetimes from a google form submission format to a forum posting format with help from @bbjygm creating a new tool that allows us to easily pull and then grade that forum data. I would put out PTs like "A New Focus" and "Play by Play" and "Parent's Day" and "Contract Negotiations" and I would change the name of WTF to mPT and then put out mPTs like "Family Rivalry" and "Goal Songs" and "you can't be good at everything" and "Home Ice Advantage." this is what i would do in the black pill hypothetical and i think it would be a fun and rewarding hypothetical experience.

Snuffalupagus · 09-02-2021, 09:05 PM

Let me get my greasy little mitts on one of them RED PILLS you are talking about. I think we need to normalize the physical health stigma with bowel dysfunction/digestion/general gutty works. Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD), Chrons, Colitis, celiac, lactose intolerance, IBS - these all affect our friends and family and they should be no laughing matter.

That being said, once I get on the ice and have my first shift in my Depends - the stylish adult versions that blend seamlessly into my pads - I will vacate the rink and head to the dressing room to address the butt-issues that I'm facing (or rearing), to spare my teammates and coaching staff.

And then once I've zipped around everyone - from opposing teams to your parents - I'll poop in their beds, go to Mars before any rich guy, run across the Great Wall of China, lap Captain America and say "on YOUR left, ass", and then run so fast I spin the world in the opposite direction so time is reverse. I saw it in a movie once.

***Rangerjase*** · 09-02-2021, 10:28 PM

ISFL Affiliate Claim

Dagumpa · 09-02-2021, 10:41 PM

PBE PT

*Julio Tokolosh* · 09-03-2021, 12:11 AM

the prompt says he approaches me, but it looks like he approaches everyone. I make sure that i'm the last one that he approaches. I know that no one has taken the allergy medicine. I take the orange and the brown pill. He says "no, only one!" but i knee him in the crotch, grab all of the orange pills that people passed on (and i grab a handful of brown pills), and then scurry to the locker room and tell security that he's a drug dealing flasher (flashist?). I dump out a jug of gatorade and fill it with ground up orange pills. It's a good knock-off version of purple drank! later that night at the team party, we get the jug out and everyone has a few sips. there's some sprite in their, and a little bit of hennessy, and a smattering of other ingredients that lil wayne has lectured us about for the last 18 years.
After a little more dancing, everyone's stomachs start to rumble. oh no! i snuck in all of the brown pills, and a few of the blue pills that my dad keeps behind his mirror (he says it gives him a different kind of strength that my mom likes). There is a mad dash for the bathroom, but ive already kicked the bowl over. its just water and shattered porcelein, baby! no one makes it out in time, everyone shits on the floor and ruins their britches. @Clean Andrei Kostitsyn a" gets a 1 star review from the airbnb host.

zaynzk · 09-03-2021, 12:12 AM

Lets go if i am taking a pill here i think i will take the red pill do you know why? because pooping every 15 min is not too bad since i will do my shifts for a solid amount of the game then go off shit in the box make someone like Python deal with it but who cares if i was going so fast, the only thing that i need to do that because it will help us to make sure that the king of the speed plays for the New Orleans Spector so i believe that i will win the game by myself because the greatest the fact that people are the L it was a big deal that the man and the person in charge is the people who skate faster. Poop is dumb but this pill will give me an edge to win the championship and i think that i will try hard

Asked Madden · 09-03-2021, 04:18 AM

This one is easy. The blue pill gives me super strength meaning I can drop anyone on the ice in the drop of a hat. Why the blue pill you ask? Well I'll tell you. Who needs site when your player has developed echo location like some hoped up Austrian fucking ugly bat. Friedensreich Hundertwasser is able to click his tongue and listen for the sound waves bouncing back off all of theobjects on the rink. Rapid clicking gives him the ability to "see" where everything is in real time.
If 8t wasn't the blue pill it would be the brown. Hundertwasser has real issues with blocking toilets from his weekly monsters. Speeding up his bowels can only mean reducing the size and therefore getting rid of the need to carry around his trusty rusty poop knife. Gone are the days of carving up poops to flush like a shitty Michael angelo. Nope now he'll understand the true glee of a clean flush. All fir the price of a few squits

GCool · 09-03-2021, 07:00 AM

I sort of feel obligated to take the black pill, for two reasons. First, because I'm getting really tired of playing the casino for a season's worth of money and redlining my bank account for the remainder of the season. Granted, I've hit every time so far, but I don't like leaving my income to chance. Second, because I think it's the only way I'm getting a job in this league ever again. At any rate, once I take the black pill, I would remove all prediction TPE right off the table. It doesn't make any sense to me to leave a decent chunk of earning to chance, especially when nobody can understand how this simulator works on a game-to-game basis. Second, I'd gather a team and we'd work on assembling a story of PTs per season. There's also the idea I've floated around of a BEEG PEETEE, similar to a Deep Dive, that I'd love to put into a beta test. I think that I'm good enough in and out of the sim, but this job could be cool.

Highhaschdi · 09-03-2021, 07:35 AM

That's hard decision to make with so many great pills. My player would probably take the pink pill first to become famous. He didn't do much on the ice so far to become a star, so he needs to seek other ways to get famous and get some sweet marketing deals to support his expensive lifestyle with lots of alcohol, drugs and parties.
Afterwards High Haschdi would take the red, blue and green pill together to become small, intelligent, fast and strong. The costs are not really a problem with his new skills which will help him to be undoubtedly the greatest player of all time in the SHL. He won't have shifts for longer than 15 minutes, so it will be no problem to vacate his bowels every 15 minutes. It will be every interesting to see what the blue pill and green pill in combination will do, the one rendering High blind and the one that helps seeing the ice like no one before. In the best case, he'll just keep his normal vision while getting the other advantages. I also can't wait to see High with the body of a kid but being super strong. Most opponents would underestimate him before getting those hard hits that will knock them out. I really hope that High will get the chance to get those pills or at least some of them in the future, that might be the best way for him to have an outstanding career and make the Hall of Fame in the SHL.

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