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FaraDian · 11-30-2023, 05:03 PM

WinniPEG? More like "win-a-nothing this season cuz Texas is coming, y'all!" We literally have DAD on our team (David-Arturri Donskoi) so I don't even know why I have to write another hundred words for this prompt.

The Renegades are now 4th in average TPE across the entire league with the best defensive core around. A couple free agency moves have given us a powerful top 6 with two potential scoring lines. If the FHM refs let up a little bit and let us play the dang game, the sky's the limit around these parts. Having WPG in our division might keep us as underdogs, which we don't mind one bit. Happy to fly under the radar while we settle our strategy for a big playoff push.

And for all the goalie TPE don't matter, we still have the best in the league and that's not nothin' (it's just not that much either).

***blix900*** · 11-30-2023, 05:30 PM

PT Pass

***Reno*** · 11-30-2023, 05:34 PM

Option 1

Obviously saying that San Francisco plays with a lot of Pride would be too obvious of a joke to make, so we will have to get creative. We are going to the win the cup for a variety of reasons. The Mane reason we are going to win is because of that super dynamic and super cool Willow Soderberg-Snooks playing defense for them and scoring the Lion’s Share of points. The rookie reinforcements coming up from the minors are Purr-fectly adapting to the system in place by coaches Caleb and Bayley. It also helps that we replaced the goal horn with an actual fucking lion. I don’t know who gave us the money to do this but we straight up bought a lion and its running loose in the stadium. It straight up ate two people in marketing last week (apply now on LinkedIn) and now we’re all left Prey-ing that it doesn’t do anything else. The other teams will be afraid of us, because in Purr-spective we’re incredibly dangerous and a sight to behold.

*roastpuff* · 11-30-2023, 05:52 PM

The Detroit Falcons will win the cup this season because everyone is going to have a child, and therefore channel the unleashed dad power of the collective dad squad. Team uniforms will be changed to a tucked polo shirt - your choice of solid colour - jean shorts, crew socks and New Balances 642s. No exceptions. Even better if you spend your locker room time talking about smoking meats, which lawn fertilizer is best, and how to keep the driveway clear of snow in the winter. None shall be able to withstand the combined sheer power of the daddery that is the Detroit Falcons old and boomer locker room. Every other team will have to succumb to succulent smoked bacon and then they shall all be in a food coma, lying on the ice with the meat sweats from delicious protein that we give to them.

Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.

spidey · 11-30-2023, 05:54 PM

There is no doubt the San Fransisco Pride are going to hoist the cup. They just may need a little biblical help to do it. Not much I am ask for. Here is how it will play out. Clearly the Pride will make the playoffs again, they have done so for the last 2 seasons, but getting passed the pesky first round has been a problem for the rebuilding team. Well good news, this year they will likely be playing the Edmonton Blizzard, during January, typically one of the coldest months in Edmonton. Now a lot of you will believe this is a disadvantage for the Pride, who are used to hot temperatures, but I am sure there will be a snowstorm that will create mass chaos and a death trap on Edmonton city Streets. Sure, the Blizzard players could throw on some skates and make their way to the arena, but it is but a guarantee a few if not all the hometown boys will be taken out from vehicle unable to stop at red lights and intersections. With the Blizzard all but dead, the Pride will move forward. Next up will likely be LA Panthers. I am sure I don’t need to tell you this, but I will. A Panther has no chance against a Lion. Specifically, when there are no trees to hide in. So, the lines will just kick their asses into submission. Finally, there is the Wolfpack. These guys will be a tough Western Conference Finals battle. But they are getting old, and after doing back to back trips to the WCF they clearly will be tired. With a little help from the big guy upstairs, we can expect a few will die of heart attacks on the ice. And without having enough players to host a game they will be forced to forfeit. Finally at the finals the Lions will Steamroll Manhattan to win the cup, because it is my fantasy, and they have no chance of ever beating us. When we hoist the cup, my teammates and I will laugh about how competitive we have become…but I will laugh more.

C9Van · 11-30-2023, 06:47 PM

My team is going to win the cup this season! I think it would really be Mi-cool (There, I including what god awful low effort dad joke, the best you will get from me.) to win the cup after just winning one the season before that just completed and I am at the very least hoping for a fun season or I begin to offensively compete against the better and elite defenders for points. I am starting to get close to the prime seasons of this player and hopefully this happens. Rings are more of an after thought but why not both? Let's get greedy in Buffalo!

We will truly pop off and cause a Stampede in Buffalo (Yeah I lied, you get a bonus terrible dad joke pun in this one) to make sure we go even higher in the regular season than 4th and face lower seeds than these rough 1st round match ups we get.

[160 words]

ThePyroAlpaca · 11-30-2023, 09:36 PM

Dad joke: Why can’t pigs play hockey?

They hog the puck.

Our team is gonna win this year because were finally not all rookies. Last season Quebec went into the season with 11 rookies and made the playoffs. This was largely due to Ryland Murphy, Jeff Hunziker and Jaromir Jagrbomb dragging a bunch of confused idiots through the season but that is not important. This season, 8 of those rookie idiots are capped at 350 and looking to take revenge on the league after being written off last year only to make the playoffs as a favorite and lose in heartbreaking fashion.This season were gonna win not because we have the most 425s or because we only have a handful of rookies, no this year were gonna win cause we can roll 4 lines deep. Top to bottom prepare to be never have the puck and brace yourself for a crushing hit if you even think about trying to take it.

[163 words]

***yosh*** · 11-30-2023, 10:04 PM

Vaseline Podcalzone would usually not fall to such low standards of sportsmanship. However, I suppose all is fair in love and war, and there sure will not be any love between these two fierce rivals. So, how else but some psychological warfare on the opposing team? Spray water into the opposing player's mitts, mess around with the hockey tape on the sticks, dull out the skate blades. I do not skate so I do not know how one would dull out skate blades, but that would very much be a brutal way to mess up the opposing team and their mojo.

We would also blast super annoying music if this is a home game to really get in their heads. I'm talking Ivan Hrvatska's hit song "Making Love to the Seattle Argonauts". That's right, we are going to resort to these tactics. If they are still ready to play, then I am going to be shocked.

***lore*** · 11-30-2023, 10:55 PM

Option 1: graphic option

[Image: n1rBtCB.png]

ShadowFenix · 11-30-2023, 11:24 PM

Rock that Dad Bod

“It sure is getting cold up in Colorado this time of year.” Fenix mentioned to fellow Raptors Sophomore Leonard Wood. “I know, I bought this scraper for my windshield, to get the ice off my car,” Wood replied, “it didn’t really work, though, it had a reduced price on it, so I should’ve known.”

Shadow Fenix looked perplexed. “It didn’t work, what do you mean?” He asked. Wood replied quickly to help clear up his teammate’s confusion, “Well I couldn’t get all the ice off! I only got a portion of it.”

“Hang on,” Fenix said, “let me see that scraper.” Wood handed over the scraper to Fenix to which Fenix then whacked Wood over the head. “You dummy! It says right here on the price tag, only 15% off!” Later that day as the Raptors all collected in their locker room, Fenix and Wood shared this story about the discounted scraper, and the team made a commitment to never buy discounted goods again. They took this mindset all the way into the playoffs the following season to win the cup: always make sure to give full effort, and buy items at full price. You don’t want your results to be 15% off.

hockeyfan · 11-30-2023, 11:53 PM

Ace Lightning would love to sabotage another team because at the moment, the Toronto North Stars need all the help that they can get. There’s a hypothetical big game coming up against their biggest rivals with playoffs on the line! What you don’t know is that there is a giant fish factory right next door to Toronto’s home arena, and since we know that the opposition always stays at Bob and Barbs Motelarama just outside the city limits, Ace rents a truck and fills it with leftover fish from the factory. Knowing that it is likely very muggy when the game will be played, it’s likely that the other team will have their windows cracked in the motel when they sleep, so Ace will park the truck outside the goaltender and leading scorers room, allowing the fish to waft into the open windows. Oops, now they will have bad sleeps because they can’t close the window because of the mugginess. Yikes!

Operation Ivy · 12-01-2023, 12:08 AM

Option 1 / Written Task

What do you call a factory that makes just okay products? A Satisfactory.

In Texas, we are not content with just "okay". We have our sites set on being one of the true juggernauts of the SHL and we have practiced all off season to ensure that is what we will be this season. I believe we have the skill, leadership, and chemistry to win the cup this season. On top of that, Texas' draft picks from several years past are now entering their prime seasons which will lead to a big jump in production. I also think the moves Texas management has made this season to bring in some elite scorers with proven success will pay off in a big way as the veteran forwards add more depth to an already deep roster. You combine all of the forward firepower with one of the better overall defensive cores in the league, and a goaltender in the prime of their career, and I don't see how this team can just be satisfactory this season!

karlssens · 12-01-2023, 12:11 AM

I think it would take a lot of things to go right for San Francisco to win the cup this season (and a lot to go wrong for the rest of the teams), but we're building and trending in the right direction. One thing we certainly could do to increase our chances is channel the power of the dads and invite every players dad to each game, home and away. Each of the players will feel compelled to step up their game in front of their pops, or maybe step up in spite of them as a giant middle finger. It'll probably become less effective as the season rolls on, but if we can get a few big performances from one or two players each night it might turn some of those tight losses in to tight wins and move us up the regular season standings and in to a deep playoff run! Don't know until you try it.

Australiankek · 12-01-2023, 01:37 AM

Option One:

Well were obviously going to win the cup. Why wouldn't we. Our team is not known to get cups in the earlier seasons, it was depressing for the players then. But now it actually looks like our team is a possibility for the cup. The team and the position in the present and future show it all. To start, Minnesota surprisingly went 7 wins in the preseason tying with the cup contending team last season, the Forge. I know that the preseason means nothing but sometimes it shows if the team is going to do good or not and this proves that Minnesota is going to be at least a top 10 team. We would have to have some transactions, but if Meta Knight and the rest of the team can do great then were golden and going to win the cup. Oh almost forgot, what do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick! Ha ha I'm so funny

***Shiamus*** · 12-01-2023, 02:36 AM

prompt 1

The Vancouver Whalers are about to "whale" on their competition yet again this season. Although we ended up getting out in the semifinals this season, getting swept by the Maine Timber, the Whalers will look to bounce back with a vengeance. I do also have to mention that the Whalers lost a TON of players to graduation this offseason, and are without main contributors Inactive Forever and Scary Jerry, among others. However, not all is lost - as the Whalers have replenished their squad with a slew of rookies from the latest class - which was deep with active players even into the last round. Users Bojangles and Wasty will try to lead this rookie class for the Whalers to victory. Although this seems like a steep downturn from prior season, the Whalers high scoring line of Lily Jin Morrow, GM's Son, Erno Joonas, Graham Schwartz, and Scott Seitz will all stay together for the next season, providing a strong line to take advantage of weaker teams. Will be exciting to see how the Whalers fare this season.

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