Dick Clapper can be contained no longer. After seeing fellow New England teammate Guy Zheng ramble and unleash his inner thoughts in an interview a few days ago, it was time for him to do the same. It all started during a standard interview before the S51 SHL Draft. A lone reporter asked a simple innocuous question, "Who do you think will be drafted first overall this season?" Innocuous, however, it was not. It sent him into a spiral, his words getting deeper and deeper, causing him to lose himself in his own logic.

Imagine players as if they were power rangers. That makes sense right? You can decided yourself, either each ranger is a single player or if you want, each ranger can be represented by a team. But if you're picking teams that means that when they morph into the giant version you'll have about 100 players mushed into that machine. How will that work out? So we'll hold off on that for now and imagine one player per ranger because that's easier to think about. 

Okay that makes sense for now. Moving on let's picture me as the green ranger because I'm from New England and New England has the primary colour of green in their colourways. Some of you may know that the green power ranger was also evil. Does this mean that I'm considering myself to be evil? Yes I am. If you read this article you will began to understand that I am infecting New England from the inside because I cannot bear to have the Boston area win another cup. In addition to being evil the green ranger was also white or maybe black. I'm not 100% sure because I didn't dive too deep into the story line as a child. What is interesting, however, is that I am neither white, nor black, nor even green to be fair. But all of these are the colours of New England so it just works perfectly. 

The red power ranger must be my dear pal and fellow teammate Guy Zheng @goldenglutes, because red is my favourite colour, and Zheng is my favourite New Englander. My favourite person from New England is someone that wasn't "from" New England, wow. Tells you all what you need to know tbh. The red ranger is usually the alpha so maybe I'm also the red power ranger. Or maybe @hotdog or @Ace are the power couple of our rangers as they are all leaders. You know what, the whole team is the red power rangers cause we all alphas in New England. So keep this in mind, I'm currently the green, white, black, and red power rangers.

The blue power ranger is @gordieboom because we are all blue that he has departed from our locker room, our team, and our hearts. Hopefully me mentioning him in this shitpost will give him so much joy that he returns to us. The blue power ranger is so cool, he's ice cold. Imagine you're in the ocean going for a swim and this dude just pulls up next to you. No chance. You don't even know you're racing and before you understand that material fact, he's already won and now you owe him one. Oh but you never agreed to the race so why do you owe him? In addition to being super fast he also can manipulate with your mind. Oops he was a little overzealous and your memories have been wiped. That's alright you're not the first and you won't be the last. Gordie is a stone cold killer. 

Pink is a feisty ranger. They are equivalent to if the sun lived inside the moon but since it's so much bigger it just bursts our and you can barely tell there used to be a moon there. You had to be there to know and since you weren't there because you don't travel in space you don't know. But do you know who does travel in space? We do, because we're power rangers. Oh but power rangers can't breath in space? Well now we're space rangers, and you're stuck at home waiting for the Power Rangers x Donald Trump crossover. A power hour episode if you will. You'll be glued to your seats and you'll be watching so intently that you won't even notice that this whole paragraph barely touched upon the pink ranger. 

After pink comes yellow and I bet you thought this one could have used the sun analogy much better than pink and that's where you're right. The yellow ranger is @StamkosFan because they brighten my day with the S51 Mock Draft, coming in clutch with me posting a minute after the thread should have closed but the site was down when it was supposed to close so we still made it in time. Rules are meant to be broken and that is what I keep saying when they say they want to break the TPE record. "If you're not cheating you're not trying hard enough" - me, all the time. Clearly my morality is flawed.

Who's even left? Is orange a power ranger? I don't know but it is my favourite colour. I know I said earlier that red was, but it's close. Black is my real favourite colour but as soon as you tell people that, they all start to emerge out of the woodwork to advise you that black isn't a colour, as if you don't already know smh.

Basically to answer your question, New England is going to mighty morph their way into the playoffs, with season 49 @"AndrewWarren13" between the pipes, driving us towards victory. 

"Okay.... that's cool and all but I asked who you thought was going to be selected first overall?"

"Oh right, definitely the stingray that killed Steve Irwin, how could you not select someone with that name? I mean c'mon, easiest pick ever"