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TheHockeyist · 06-16-2020, 08:20 PM

The SHL can be a toxic place at times. We all know that. Lots of site drama. Scandals left and right. When one thing is over, someone starts another. People hating the rules. Really nasty behavior by some players.

Yet the SHL is also one of the best places in the world. No, not the real world. I mean... er... the internetosphere. Cyberspace. The cloud. The... uh... Anyway, why is it the best? With our leading scientific™ testing and empirical™ results (number of people interviewed = 1, maybe 2), we have complied the official™ TOP TEN THINGS WE LIKE ABOUT THE SHL!!!

Start the countdown.

NUMBER TEN

No knowledge of hockey needed to play.

Seriously, you can join this site knowing almost nothing about our great sport (other than the fact it exists) and still do well. All you need is an internet connection and way too much time on your hands. You'll need to dedicate some time each week over a period of years. Insane time commitment, but it really does go by fast. Things will be picked up slowly at first, yet you can get quite far without knowing anything about the sport. You can be a non-athlete in real life and still play. Perhaps a version of what you could have been in an alternate life, except they know hockey and you don't. Yet. We'll work on that.

NUMBER NINE

Friendly to newcomers and many helpful users.

Okay, so you have no knowledge of hockey. Or you have knowledge of hockey but the statistics are scary things like DGR, TPE, +/-, etc., which might as well be enigmatic computer code. Or you've figued out TPE and have no idea how to update your player. Or you've figured out how to update your player but you have no idea how to answer the PTs. You don't even know enough about the teams involved - you haven't even heard of the teams before! Yor player is rapidly falling behind the more experienced guys. Maybe you should leave?

Not to worry! Everything will be sorted out for you in a tutorial. And if the tutorial is confusing and you don't know what to do, you'll have some guys willing to help out. No need to be terrified into retiring before you've geared up. You'll get there with our help. At the time I joined, the tutorial was somewhat outdated and poorly written, so I had to get a lot of help. Things have improved now, and I think that you can get pretty far with it. But still, there are guys willing to help out. Even when you've gotten the hang of things, there may still be things you're not good at. It will be your first time for pretty much everything, so if you have no idea what to do, someone will always be around to lend a hand.

Speaking of which...

NUMBER EIGHT

A welcoming community.

If you're a new user here, we'll welcome you right in. We'll make you feel right at home in your new junior team. Usually. Sometimes things don't work out and you need to transfer, but in general, most teams will make you feel very welcome, even if they're not the stellar teams you've been hoping to be drafted on. Most teams have great locker rooms and and an active community of players, so even if you never win a Cup, you'll find the experience very friendly and worthwhile. Join for greatness, but stay for the community.

NUMBER SEVEN

An active site.

Our site is active. Very active. We're almost active 24/7, safe for maybe 3-4 hours each day when most of North America is asleep (most of our users are from the US and Canada). We do have a few insomniacs who come online from time to time. You'll always find someone around, even if it's the middle of the night for most of us.

NUMBER SIX

Transparency in how the site is run.

The mods and admins are really transparent about what they do and how the league is run. Incidents lead to new rules, which can always be read by everyone. If someone tries to hijack the league, a new rule is put into place. If something is discovered that could hijack the league, a new rule is put into place. If you insult the new rules, a new rule is put into place saying not to insult the new rules.

NUMBER FIVE

Uh...

Help me. I'm halfway done now and I don't know what to say. Fifth place is the first of the upper half of a Top 10 list. What is so important that it deserves this spot? Uh, the Cups? Yeah, let's just say the Cups. Like the Championship Cups when you win the SHL. It's nearly impossible to win the SHL, even if you try. This doesn't stop teams from trying.

NUMBER FOUR

Four Star Cups.

Okay, I'm running out of things and at fourth place, I had to put the Four Star Cups for the junior teams. Great when you get drafted to a team that wins them, like I did on my first try. I just got really lucky, especially for someone very new to the site. You probably won't. It's statistically unlikely. But if you do, you'll always remember it. Trust me.

NUMBER THREE

Important Things Suspiciously Left Out of Top 10 Lists.

What even deserves third place? What could be so important that it deserves third place? Humor? You know what, Top 10 lists! I could start a trend of Top 10 lists in the SHL Media forum! What could possibly go wrong?

everything goes wrong

NUMBER TWO

Quick retaliation against insulting users.

So, serious talk. There are people who think it would be wise to use an ethnic slur, to dehumanize people with a mental condition, to feel that only men should play hockey and that women (and LGBTQ+ people) are excluded, to do some other really vile thing and to just generally degrade the worth of another human being. If you do that, you are almost guaranteed to directly anger at least someone on the site. I can probably name any human health condition out there. Chances are that at least one of our users has it. You might have it. I might have it. As an example, let's say that I declare some really offensive thing here and I have angered a user.

That user of course will be very enraged and take it to the SHL HO, who will raise the scales of Themis and the lightning of Zeus and zap the offending user out of existence for a week, longer if need be.

If someone is being treated unfairly in our giant hockey family, there will be swift retaliation. Which brings us to the numer one point of why we love this community.

NUMBER ONE

A shared love of hockey.

We have users of many ages (minus the very, very young - JIMMY! THE TABLET IS NOT FOOD!), from many countries, with many life experiences, of many faiths (and non-faiths), with many different health conditions, with many different opinions, with many different voices. But one thing unites us all. We have a shared love of this incredible sport on the ice. Hockey is in our veins. It's the glue that holds our community together. We are united in our lov- oh, hold on. I have an important call.

Hello? Yes, okay, it's also in our arteries. And capillaries. Listen, we need to get the scientists satisfied- okay, hockey cannot actually be in someone's bloodstream, yes. I get it, it's blood plasma and eosinophil stuff that's in our- okay, fine, whatever. It was an idiom, not a scientific fact! You mean, hold on. hangs up the phone Argh, listen, who brought the science nerds here? What, we have some of those? Science nerds who love hockey? Who ever heard of such a thing? Wait, is that HO? I'm being punished?! No, no, I take it back, we really do have science fans who-

banned

Avakael · 06-16-2020, 09:58 PM

The drama. The drama is fun, especially if you're not the target.

Slappydoodle · 06-17-2020, 03:48 PM

Once upon a time the media was a draw

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