As season fifty-eight has ended, and the Hamilton Steelhawks have been crowned champions, everyone is now looking ahead to the season fifty-nine draft. The draft is a time of hope, where the future of each franchise may depend on extensive scouting, prudent trades, and calculated chances. The draft is the foundation for dynasty building, but can also be the graveyard of teams unable to see their needs, where the future of the league is headed, and when it is better to sell for future gains instead of quick gratification.
The Toronto North Stars have been a struggling team for many seasons, but under ML’s leadership the North Stars have turned their fortunes around. Season fifty-eight was the best North Stars season since before the Franchise Hockey Manager era. Season fifty-eight was also the first time the team had made it to the playoffs since the switch to Franchise Hockey Manager. This may have been a surprise to some, considering the division the North Stars play in, but it might have been more shocking that they were one game away from keeping for the Cup. 
The seeds of this rebuild have been long in the making as ML and his co-manager have worked to trade for active players, drafting promising rookies—including the late steal that if the great Luffy Richard who is shaping up to be an adequate player that no longer does more harm to his team than good—and being patient with picks. This of course leads us to season fifty-nine where the Toronto North Stars have the first overall pick and the second overall pick of a solid draft class. 
Forwards Ryuuji Kawashima, Alexis Saint-Michel, Daud Ramza, Shane Duffy Jr., Robert E. O. Speedwagon are all over three-hundred tpe and could be the missing pieces needed to take a team from contender to champion. The defensemen of this class are strong prospects as well, and comprise two of the top three tpe earners, and four of the top ten earners. Jay Sink and Dane von Gucci lead the young crop of defensemen looking to be drafted this year, and both could potentially anchor the blue-lines for contending teams for seasons to come. This is an exciting draft, and with the possible changes that the Head Office is considering to help players transition from the Simulation Major Junior Hockey League to the Simulation Hockey League sooner, the impact of this class can be felt earlier than previous drafts. Thus, the first and second overall picks can secure a dynasty for the Toronto North Stars that will see them compete for the foreseeable future. How long that dynasty will last, no one can say, but as players like Ryosuke Sato, Scootchie Scratton, Taylor Johansson, Axel Meszaros mature into the elite players Toronto management  believes them to be; and Bobby Lane, Danny Marston, Rhys Pritchard, Ruslan Zaporozhets, Ursin Zimmerman, Adam Barron, and Harry Carpet hold the core of this team, it is safe to say that Toronto’s future is as bright as the North Star (I’m so good at similes. Wait...[looks up what a simile is] yes that is a simile, I’m awesome). Role-players like Juni Panda and Luffy Richard should also make the North Stars hard to match-up with as they try their darndest to be the best that they can be—also Juni has been practicing his uppercuts.
ML’s long-term goals led to this moment. By trading Jack Kanoff he received a handful of picks, one of which became the first overall pick in this upcoming draft, and others picks traded (along with Sarah Burke, Daniel Kuster, and James Kimaje)  to bring Adam Barron over who was a dominant player for the North Stars this season.
By trading down last season, ML was also able to secure the New Orlean Spectors’ first round pick that became the second overall for this draft. By trading down in the season fifty-eight draft, a weaker draft in this non-experts opinion, the Toronto manager secured a much more valuable pick. 
On top of the first and second overall pick, the Toronto North Stars also hold fifteenth overall. Now we could possibly see more dealing being done by ML for other assets like future picks or a veteran player looking to contend for a cup and who is unsatisfied in their current situation. The season fifty-nine draft could be spicy, with lots of fireworks and exasperation by teams jockeying to compete with the power-house Great Lakes division which has started this arms race in Toronto who refuses to be the punching bag of the east as they had been for so long. 
The Toronto North Stars have seven picks in this draft, three in the first round alone. You have to imagine the Toronto brains are buzzing with excitement as their plans and schemes percolate in their galaxy sized brains. Everyone in that locker room should be excited, and I know the city itself is preparing to throw a rager in celebration of what is to be a masterful draft. 
Now, I am just an armchair analyst who can’t even afford an armchair so he is researching and typing this on a milk crate and a table made from a stop sign he accidentally knocked over, but everything I have typed is accurate to my knowledge. Unfortunately my knowledge is about as deep as the prose of a fifty-shades novel, so sorry if you have read this far, but now I am going to choose players I would draft based on their names alone. I will also be giving a reason why their name tickles my fancy. If you want to avoid reducing your brain cells you should look away now. 
First pick in the Moreorless89 draft which is, more or less, the only draft in which players feel bad for being picked, is Pasta the Turtle. Now I did not even look at the position this player plays, but I love turtles more than anything, and if I can draft a literal turtle on to my team I am going to do it. Turtles carry their homes on their backs, what makes you all so special? Nothing. That’s right. 
Second pick is none other than Kappa Kappa because that is basically a turtle and the inspiration for the koopas and for someone who grew up playing nothing but mario games like a champion, there is no possible way I can pass up drafting this player whose position I have no clue about. If I could not pass up a literal turtle, I cannot pass up drafting a literal turtle monster.
For my third pick, Scooby Doo. Imagine having a big ass dog on your team? Not only that, but a big ass dog that can talk. I know, he is a bit of a coward, and I am taking most of these names literally because why not? But I love a good mystery and if people start getting murdered around me, I will have Scooby Doo to help me solve the crimes.
WIth the fourth pick in this most important draft I choose Makrus “The Tater” Jagr. I like the little alliteration there and Ron White had a joke about the tater that used to crack me up but I’m too afraid to see if that joke still holds up. Let me hold on to the joys of my youth okay?
Pick five is Granny PanPan. I have questions. Is this the Maggie Smith character from Hook? Or is this the daughter of Peter Pan who is really old and decided to pick up simulation because she wants to play make believe and her imagination is so powerful she manifested herself here like that food fight scene. Why was that food so colorful?
WIth my Sixth pick, I am going with Robert E. O. Speedwagon because that is a great sneak little pun-type name like Hippo Passamus, and that guy helped me with second place in my first year of fantasy. Also I think I like songs from that band. I am sure I have heard a few. They sure are a band, and that is great!
Final pick of this draft, hold on to your butts, is Twelve Forty-seven Fifteen which is the spelling out of the creators name. That is right, I broke the fourth wall and all of simulated reality by pointing out that these are all just created things. Things I say!

Well there you have it my friends. A thrilling article that was part scientific research and part whacky name picking draft. If you have made it this far, I am so sorry for all the harm I must have done to your brain and your soul. Stay tuned for my follow up article about what actually occurred in the draft, because I gotta get those bank numbers up and I love a good deep-dive into things I do not understand and have no business writing about. Good luck to everyone in the draft, and congratulations to the future draftees. This is a great league and if you stay active, there is nothing you can’t do!

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Pasta the Turtle

A tortoise. -Minnesotafine

A f*cking turtle -DollaBill

Worst signature I have ever seen -Zeagle1

Pasta the Turtle

A tortoise. -Minnesotafine

A f*cking turtle -DollaBill

Worst signature I have ever seen -Zeagle1