Sven will take the grape jelly bean purple pill because he doesn’t want anything to impact the breakout season he is having so far. Sven is currently in second place in the league for scoring (22 points vs. 23 points in first) and is leading the league in goals. The Pride are having a competitive season and Sven is the star player on the team, an emerging superstar in the league. He wouldn’t want to take any pill that makes him faster if it’s going to make him shit his pants, so he won’t be taking that one. He needs his vision for his incredible shot so wouldn’t trade that just to be able to bang people around. Sven is afraid of intelligence so would never consider increasing that, he prefers to have hockey IQ and room temperature (Fahrenheit) IQ. Sven is a stud and he doesn’t want to mess that up in any way shape or form, plus he enjoys grape jelly beans.
Honestly, Nikolai Ayerzov would love to have the superhuman abilities that come with certain jellybeans. Super speed, strength, and intelligence sound like great things to have as a hockey player. However, of course, there is always a catch. Ayerzov doesn't want to shit his pants every 15 minutes when he could be busy playing hockey, so that knocks out the red pill, and also at that point may as well knock out the brown pill cause that just sounds weird. While it would be nice to be strong, he already is pretty strong as is, so he doesn't need to be blind preferably. When it comes to the green pill, by having this discussion, it proves that he isn't an idiot and he doesn't want to be 3 feet tall if he can help it.
With that, he won't take the pink pill cause he doesn't need teenage girls doing weird stuff to him while he performs on the rink. He doesn't know who the PT director is, and they could a family, so no black pill. Also, he thinks grapes suck, so no purple pill.
And with that, he will take the orange pill, cause he woke up and started sneezing like crazy cause of the weather. Damn pollen.
First of all I don't respect anybody who chose the green pill. In this house, we don't respect short people, so I definitely don't choose the green pill. I don't choose the red pill either cause it really isn't worth the trouble. I don't take the blue pill because I care more about my senses than my hockey skill, so the tradeoff really isn't worth it. Also arenas are loud so echolocation is impossible. Anybody who takes the orange pill is weak and history will forget them, allergies are for nerds. If you take the pink pill then you're creepy for wanting all of the attention that teenage girls are gonna give you so stay far away from that one. The brown pill is dumb. The purple pill is dumb because grape jellybeans aren't good. I have nothing against the current PT director so I don't wanna take the black pill. I don't want any of the pills, so my final decision is just to give the guy a lil kiss on the cheek and be on my merry way.
The brown pill is easily the most overpowered pill in the entire list because of its ability to purge all the contents in your bowels, therefore your body, in very fast speed. Although you will be going to the bathroom a lot, you will be able to take all of the performance enhancing drugs just like the Hamilton steelhawks did in their early season 50s of cheating. You may need to go to the washroom a few times during practice or a hockey game but you’ll be absolutely jacked whenever you are out on the ice because all of those drugs will make you juiced up and an absolute menace on and off the ice. If the brown pill were to actually be real then SHL Kush’s premier representative in Augustus Wang would not only win another Scott Stevens award but he may never age and never decline in skill and become the simulation hockey league’s most dominate defenseman ever.
I'd take the brown pill so I can market myself intensely and make so much fucking money. It would be insane how much I could. The amount of fans I would have would fuel me throughout my entire career. Honestly I could probably get away with never actually playing a game like that Brazilian soccer star. Just keep faking injuries, but trick people into thinking I'm super good. I'd tweet things and make it happen, get fans to send death threats to people I don't like. It would be so sick. How am I not already at one hundred and fifty words jeez. Oh kay, so let us recap my sentiments, I will take the pink coloured pill because I believe you do not need talent to play hockey but can get by on only hype alone. I would use that hype to secure a fat contract and then I will keep going until I no longer can.
First off, Ryan Gardner has some questions that will need to be answered about these "pills" from the league office. For instance, does the league do any type of testing for these performance enhancing substances? If, hypothetically, one took the red pill and went streaking down the ice, and left a brown trail in their wake, there will inevitably be questions. What am I supposed to say in the press conference afterwards? "Yeah, I ate some bad Taco Bell before the game, and I just miraculously increased my speed ten-fold overnight from dropping the weight," sounds fishy, wouldn't you say?
Honestly, I am going to stick with the purple pill because it's a grape jelly bean. Playing it safe with this one. Plus grape jelly beans rule. Also, there is no chance the league suspends me for grape jelly beans. If they do, I sue. When I win, I am renaming the league the ROT (Rink Of Terrordome), and games will be decided by the most knockouts inflicted.
Also, I don't trust this "salesmen". I heard blue pills do NOT do what he's claiming.
This is tough one. So many options and so many possibilities, one is better than other. I feel like Neo. So, what to choose, what to choose. All of these pills sound nice. For me most interesting pills are blue, orange and black. They all sound pretty nice, but I think I will take purple pill. Just because I just like grape jelly beans. And yeah I do not wanna change anything in my apearance on ice. So I think it is a win win for me. While others will have any kind problems, like blindness, going to toilet, I will make plays and help team. Team will only need to concentrate on what happens on ice and not to worry about how to help other guys with their problems from other pills. While with some pill side effects it will take few hours more time to end game with purple pill it will stay same time. So i suggest all take purple pills so season do not take five years to play.
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Drafted 59th Overall in SMJHL S58 draft by Anchorage Armada Drafted 9th in SMJHL S60 expansion draft by Great Falls Grizzlies Drafted 36th Overall in SHL S59 draft by Calgary Dragons
kikish18 Registered
S27, S29, S32 Challenge Cup Champion
I would pick the red pill. Do you know why? Because I don't give a shit!
Now my story is said and I have to somehow continue this till 150 words so I imagine Laurence Fishburne appearance guy that has like 8 hands (Probably like Indian demi-God or something). He says that all that stuff about each pill and then I quickly pick the red one. He must be surprised there are others more logic choices but I keep to myself that this one is perfect. Why?
1) How can You have diarrhea if You don't give a shit at all?
2) When I do the shit it is extra hard and if even so I got some of the medical effects it could make my shit softer. Meaning it would help the anus a lot. On the other hand, if side effects are just like You describe then... what the hell ... Finally I could push the shit like a person and would sound not like a wildebeest mating cry anymore.
And super speed for two-way defenceman in my opinion is really neat!
thedangazone Rookie Mentor Committee
S40 & S42 Challenge Cup Champion
So reading over the plethora of pill choices that could be had here there are definitely a couple choices that make it tough to choose between. The super speed sounds absolutely amazing and to be honest I would not be bothered in the slightest just shitting my pants every 15 minutes, hell it would probably help keep even more people away from me with the smell alone. But I believe based on the weaknesses of my game and of my feeble human body I needed to go with the obvious choice here to help strengthen myself. The Orange Pill! Who is going to turn down free allergy medication when you have to live in this dry as hell environment in Los Angeles. It might make me a little drowsy here and there but nothing a little something you can get on the streets of LA couldn't fix in a jiffy. Which might make the nose bleeds less from the dryness and moreso from....yea anyways. Free allergy meds am I right?
Im taking the Green pill, the reason for this is simply if Cole Caufield can be as tall as a child, and still do what he does than surely I can too. I mean the dude is certified Mills height and an overtime god, you have to be some sort of hockey genius to avoid being murdered by someone like Chara out there. Not to mention with less height comes more speed, its like a 2 in one pill. I feel like the shorter you are, the harder it is to notice you on the ice, working as a sort of natural camo from everyone BUT the Zack Kassians of the world who would make it their soul mission to find you, and put you in a box. My backup pill is the red pill, cause less weight in your system also makes you go faster, no poop no problem
The salesperson has presented Kawashima with so many options. Does he take the red pill? The ability to go very fast is very usefull, just skate past all your worries. The bowls things is a tricky part though, that is a lot of toilet visits in a day. What about the blue one? The strength of 10 greek gods, but being blind. Prehaps he could develop a sonar like hearing to deal with this. The green pill, the one which makes a person smart, but will give them the body of a toddler. You might be smart, but you`ll likely still get beat up by everyone. The orange pill is nice, Kawashima has an allergy to cats and with this he can finally have one. The pink one, will just make you famous, which Kawashima doesn't really need. Brown pill is just the red pill, without any of the benefits and finally the black pill. Honestly not a bad choice, looks like a decent fun job.
However wait, there is one more pill that Kawashima looked over. The elusive purple pill. Not a pill that comes with great powers or with weaknesses, but is just a delicious little snack. Kawashima is kinda hungry and while some of the pills might give him big bonuses, with big drawbacks. The taste and yumminess of a grape jelly bean is too much for Kawashima to resists. He picks the purple jelly bean and enjoys it flavours and textures.
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Thank you Fever, sköldpaddor and OD for the amazing sigs!
This is a tough one. The red pill sounds ok, I’m already using the bathroom constantly so this would be just a slight increase. The green pill sounds more fun. Though I do not know how it would be being only three feet tall. I am under six feet, so according to thot standards I am already three feet tall. Skip. What else was there, some allergy meds, grape jelly, there’s no freaking way am taking the black pill. I do not care who is the point task director or what kind of job they are doing. As long as it’s not me. I guess I would take the blue pill. Daredevil would be pretty good at hockey. Maybe. If he had hulk strength. I wonder if all the stick and puck and skate noise would interfere with all the ticking sounds I would have to make to know where I am. How come daredevil never made bat bat noises? I guess there’s already a Batman…
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