I'm freezing my cum. Probably wouldn't have to freeze it, it's thick enough that you wouldn't sink in it but it probably wouldn't be good to skate on without freezing it

Aleister Cain - S42-S57
HOF GOALIE- CLASS OF S60- SECOND BALLOT
S54 CHALLENGE CUP
S54 RAZOV

Ville Kurri - S57-S70
BEST SMJHL DEFENSIVE FORWARD S60
That's pretty much it

|  |

We would replace the water in the ice with rubbing alcohol to make the game even gnarlier. When players get cut and fall into it, it would really sting and make their pain even more proving that ice hockey players are true warriors.

We’re using the finest swamp water for the ice surface. We decided to drain the swamps around Duloc to reduce the habitat of those nasty, ugly Ogres. What is the best use for the water? Ice!

RIP Dangel. See you on the other side, brother

Ok so instead of water, Petr's gonna import .... well it's still water. Trust him. (It's imported water from Czechia and I can't think of another Svoboda spin to bring to this one.)

i'll playwith anyone
playing with my teammates is part of the intangibles I bring to the table
i play with them a lot.
they didn't like it at first
but after a while, it just felt normal

4-0 and 0-4 aren't that different tbh

FIRE EGGY
HIRE ARTY

I don't know if this has been said yet but everything should be replaced by brawndo the thirst mutilator. One it's because it's what plants need. Two if plants need it then we need it. Three radioactive yellow piss glow would make for some killer highlights.

Phineas Gold || LW || Minnesota Monarchs/Manhattan Rage/Montreal Militia/Carolina Krakens 
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
S49 SMJHL Draft: 1st Round, Pick #13 OA, Montreal Militia
S50 SHL Draft: 1st Round, Pick #14 OA, Manhattan Rage

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SMJHL Stats

S49 MTL |LW| GP: 50 G: 5 A: 9 +/-: -3 PIM: 23 HIT: 28 SB: 7 SHT: 85 FO%: 33.33%

S49 Four Star Cup Champion

S50 CAR|C| GP: 50 G: 15 A: 26 +/-: +22 PIM: 22 HIT: 28 SB: 8 SHT: 112 FO%: 50.80%
S50 Four Star Cup Champion
S51 CAR|C| GP: 50 G: 19 A: 24 +/-: +19 PIM: 23 HIT: 63 SB: 11 SHT: 104 FO%: 49.22% #1 SNIPER IN LEAGUE
S51 Laurifer Cup
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Stats
S52 MAN |LW| GP: 50 G: 12 A: 13 +/-: 3 PIM: 0 HIT:4 SB:13 SHT: 115 FO%: 17.33%
S52 MAN Division Champions; MAN Conference Champions; MAN Challenge Cup Champions
S53 MAN |LW| GP: 50 G: 18 A: 15 +/-: 21 PIM: 8 HIT:58 SB:29 SHT: 121 GR: 58
S54 MAN |LW| GP: 50 G: 14 A: 13 +/-: 9 PIM: 38 HIT:80 SB:22 SHT: 133 GR: 58
S55 MAN |LW| GP: 50 G: 17 A: 13 +/-: 14 PIM: 12 HIT:61 SB:31 SHT: 106 GR: 61
S56 MAN |LW| GP: 50 G: 19 A: 18 +/-: 30 PIM: 15 HIT:65 SB:43 SHT: 158 GR: 57
S57 MAN |LW| GP: 66 G: 32 A: 32 +/-: 27 PIM: 15 HIT:102 SB:69 SHT: 204 GR: 61
S58 MAN |C| GP: 66 G: 27 A: 38 +/-: -11 PIM: 28 HIT:125 SB:75 SHT: 232 GR: 66
S59 MIN|C| GP: 66 G: 34 A: 26 +/-: -4 PIM: 14 HIT:121 SB:75 SHT: 241 GR: 70
S60 MIN|C| GP: 66 G: 32 A: 40 +/-: 13 PIM: 34 HIT:111 SB:91 SHT: 201 GR: 67
S61 MIN|C| GP: 66 G: 20 A: 38 +/-: 16 PIM: 12 HIT:99 SB:67 SHT: 189 GR: 68
S62 MIN|C| GP: 66 G: 19 A: 45 +/-: -11 PIM: 24 HIT:88 SB:79 SHT: 180 GR: 62
S63 MIN|C| GP: 66 G: 14 A: 28 +/-: -33 PIM: 34 HIT:32 SB:66 SHT: 122 GR: 60
TOTAL || GP: 712 G: 258 A: 319 +/-: 74 PIM: 234 HIT: 946 SB:660 SHT: 1802

Seamus O'Slapahan || RD|| New England Wolfpack/Nevada Battleborn 
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
S64 Free Agent - Signed with Nevada Battleborn
S65 SHL Draft: 2nd Round, Pick 27 OA, New England Wolfpack
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Stats
S64 NBB |RD| GP: 66 G: 6 A: 14 +/-: 5 PIM: 14 HIT: 107 SB: 58 SHT: 95 DGR: 52
S65 NBB |RD| GP: 66 G: 13 A: 29 +/-: 36 PIM: 12 HIT: 123 SB: 99 SHT: 164 DGR: 61
S66 NBB |RD| GP: 66 G: 12 A: 34 +/-: 35 PIM: 28 HIT: 133 SB: 74 SHT: 191 DGR: 78
S66 Laurifer Trophy, 4-Star Cup
S67 NBB |RD| GP: 66 G: 9 A: 34 +/-: 13 PIM: 34 HIT: 146 SB: 87 SHT: 197 DGR: 77
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Stats

Credit to Vulfzilla for the awesome render pic
||

The best replacement has to be TDazzle. All my Parks and Rec fans out there have to know what I am talking about. Get that Tom Haverford new swag in there. You thought you skated fast on frozen water? Just wait till you dig your blades in that nice, frozen TDazzle!


____________

51 words
____________

|

Landon Fischermann | RD | Seattle Argonauts | 2,071 TPE (max) | GM SEA
Drafted 35th overall by the Vancouver Whalers
Drafted 10th overall by the Seattle Argonauts
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Awards and Honors
S61 SMJHL Four Star Cup Champion
S61 SMJHL All-Star
S61 WJC Gold Medal - Team USA
S62 SMJHL All-Star
S62 Quilha Agante Trophy Winner (Best Defenseman in SMJHL)
S62 SMJHL First Team All-Star
S62 WJC Gold Medal - Team British Isles
S62 WJC Harvey Danger Award Winner (Best Defenseman)
S67 SHL Challange Cup Champion
S68 SHL Challange Cup Champion
S70 IIHF Best Defender
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Regular Season Stats
S60 VAN | GP: 66 | G: 8 | A: 13 | P: 21 | +/-: +7
S61 VAN | GP: 66 | G: 12 | A: 38 | P: 50 | +/-: +52
S62 VAN 'C' | GP: 66 | G: 12 | A: 45 | P: 57 | +/-: +40
S63 VAN 'C' | GP: 51 | G: 6 | A: 15 | P: 21 | +/-: -40
S63 REG | GP: 13 | G: 5 | A: 5 | P: 10 | +/-: +4
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Regular Season Stats
S64 SEA | GP: 66 | G: 7 | A: 13 | P: 20 | +/-: +5
S65 SEA | GP: 66 | G: 11 | A: 22 | P: 33 | +/-: +31
S66 SEA | GP: 66 | G: 8 | A: 26 | P: 34 | +/-: +24
S67 SEA 'A' | GP: 66 | G: 7 | A: 26 | P: 33 | +/-: +36
S68 SEA 'A' | GP: 66 | G: 16 | A: 24 | P: 40 | +/-: +52
S69 SEA (Co-GM) | GP: 66 | G: 10 | A: 31 | P: 41 | +/-: +38
S70 SEA (Co-GM) | GP: 66 | G: 22 | A: 32 | P: 52 | +/-: +18
S71 SEA (Co-GM) | GP: 66 | G: 13 | A: 39 | P: 52 | +/-: +11
S72 SEA (Co-GM) | GP: 66 | G: 8 | A: 21 | P: 29 | +/-: -32
S73 SEA (Co-GM) | GP: 66 | G: 8 | A: 30 | P: 38 | +/-: -20
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Playoff Stats
S60 VAN | GP: 13 | G: 1 | A: 3 | P: 4 | +/-: +1
S61 VAN | GP: 14 | G: 2 | A: 4 | P: 6 | +/-: +5
S62 VAN 'C' | GP: 12 | G: 2 | A: 4 | P: 6 | +/-: +6
S63 REG | GP: 4 | G: 1 | A: 0 | P: 1 | +/-: +0
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Playoff Stats
S64 SEA | GP: 7 | G: 1 | A: 1 | P: 2 | +/-: -1
S65 SEA | GP: 6 | G: 2 | A: 1 | P: 3 | +/-: +2
S66 SEA | GP: 22 | G: 3 | A: 5 | P: 8 | +/-: +0
S67 SEA 'A' | GP: 23 | G: 5 | A: 6 | P: 11 | +/-: +11
S68 SEA 'A' | GP: 21 | G: 2 | A: 7 | P: 9 | +/-: +23
S69 SEA (Co-GM) | GP: 16 | G: 0 | A: 3 | P: 3 | +/-: -6
S70 SEA (Co-GM) | GP: 13 | G: 2 | A: 6 | P: 8 | +/-: +1
S71 SEA (Co-GM) | GP: 7 | G: 1 | A: 1 | P: 2 | +/-: +1
S72 SEA (Co-GM) | GP: 5 | G: 1 | A: 2 | P: 3 | +/-: +0
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
International Play
S60 Team USA WJC | GP: 13 | G: 1 | A: 3 | P: 4 | +/-: +8
S61 Team USA WJC | GP: 15 | G: 1 | A: 2 | P: 3 | +/-: +5
S62 Team BI WJC | GP: 15 | G: 6 | A: 7 | P: 13 | +/-: +14
S63 Team BI WJC | GP: 13 | G: 2 | A: 6 | P: 8 | +/-: -6
S64 Team GB IIHF | GP: 13 | G: 2 | A: 6 | P: 8 | +/-: +4
S65 Team GB IIHF | GP: 12 | G: 2 | A: 0 | P: 2 | +/-: +0
S66 Team GB IIHF | GP: 12 | G: 2 | A: 1 | P: 3 | +/-: -2
S67 Team GB IIHF | GP: 12 | G: 3 | A: 6 | P: 9 | +/-: +2
S68 Team GB IIHF | GP: 13 | G: 2 | A: 7 | P: 9 | +/-: +3
S69 Team GB IIHF | GP: 15 | G: 2 | A: 2 | P: 4 | +/-: -1
S70 Team GB IIHF | GP: 12 | G: 9 | A: 7 | P: 16 | +/-: +1
S71 Team GB IIHF | GP: 12 | G: 0 | A: 8 | P: 8 | +/-: -1

S61 Four Star Cup - Game-Winning Goal in the clinching Game 4

in partnership with rappers future, playboi carti and quavo, the ice at all SHL and SMJHL arenas is getting rid of water, and replacing it with LEAN (a mixture of sprite and cough syrup). This is better because its purple which is fun and I LOVE LEAN.

Gabe-Gooney-Waters Harrak | RW | 231 TPE | Colorado Raptors
Name: Gabe-Gooney-Waters Harrak
Country: Canada
Age: 17
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 170 lbs
Number: 16
------------------------------------------------------------
Transactions:
S60 - Drafted 7th overall to the Colorado Raptors


Skao Anazibf | Retired | S48-S60
Name: Skao Anazibf
Country: Russia
Retired Age: 29
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 190 lbs
Number: 12
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Regular Season Stats
HAM GP: 498 | G: 103 | A: 229 | P: 332 | +/-: 224
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Playoff Stats
HAM GP: 135 | G: 20 | A: 43 | P: 63 | +/-: 9
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Regular Season Stats
DET GP: 150 | G: 54 | A: 56 | P: 110 | +/-: 35
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Playoff Stats
DET GP: 28 | G: 7 | A: 13 | P: 20 | +/-: 1
------------------------------------------------------------
IIHF Round Robin Stats
RUS GP: 144 | G: 19 | A: 40 | P: 59 | +/-: -17
------------------------------------------------------------
IIHF Medal Round Stats
RUS GP: 3 | G: 1 | A: 3 | P: 4 | +/-: 0
------------------------------------------------------------
Transactions:
S48 - Drafted 17th overall to the Detroit Falcons
S48 - Signed $3mil contract with the Detroit Falcons
S49 - Drafted 10th overall to the Hamilton Steelhawks
S49 - Signed $2mil contract with the Hamilton Steelhawks
S50 - Signed $2.5mil contract extension with the Hamilton Steelhawks
S51 - Signed $7mil contract extension with the Hamilton Steelhawks
S51 - Called up to the Hamilton Steelhawks
S52 - Signed $7mil contract extension with the Hamilton Steelhawks
S53 - Signed $4.9mil contract extension with the Hamilton Steelhawks
S54 - Signed $3mil contract extension with the Hamilton Steelhawks (S54-S55)
S56 - Signed $4mil contract extension with the Hamilton Steelhawks (S56-S58)
S59 - Signed $4mil contract extension with the Hamilton Steelhawks (S59)
S60 - Signed $7mil contract extension with the Hamilton Steelhawks (S60)
------------------------------------------------------------
Awards:
S51 - Challenge Cup Champion with the Hamilton Steelhawks (SHL)
S53 - Challenge Cup Champion with the Hamilton Steelhawks (SHL)
S55 - Damian Littleton Award for Most Dedicated Nominee (SHL)
S56 - Challenge Cup Champion with the Hamilton Steelhawks (SHL)
S58 - Challenge Cup Champion with the Hamilton Steelhawks (SHL)


Nour Harrak | Retired | S35 - S48
Name: Nour Harrak
Country: Canada
Retired Age: 30
Height: 6'0"
Weight: 180 lbs
Number: 48
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Regular Season Stats
HAM GP: 550 | G: 97 | A: 195 | P: 292 | +/-: -5
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Playoff Stats
HAM GP: 70 | G: 19 | A: 39 | P: 58 | +/-: 1
------------------------------------------------------------
IIHF Round Robin Stats
CAN GP: 72 | G: 10 | A: 21 | P: 31 | +/-: -9
------------------------------------------------------------
IIHF Medal Round Stats
CAN GP: 6 | G: 4 | A: 2 | P: 6 | +/-: 0
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Regular Season Stats
KEL/STL GP: 150 | G: 34 | A: 44 | P: 78 | +/-: 2
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Playoff Stats
KEL/STL GP: 21 | G: 7 | A: 9 | P: 16 | +/-: 9
------------------------------------------------------------
Transactions:
S35 - Drafted 14th overall to the Kelowna Knights
S35 - Signed $2mil contract with the Kelowna Knights
S36 - Drafted 2nd overall to the Hamilton Steelhawks
S36 - Signed $3mil contract with the Hamilton Steelhawks (S36-S38)
S37 - Traded to the St. Louis Scarecrows
S38 - Signed $3mil extension with the Hamilton Steelhawks (S39-S41)
S38 - Called up to the Hamilton Steelhawks
S41 - Signed $4mil extension with the Hamilton Steelhawks (S42)
S42 - Signed $4.5mil extension with the Hamilton Steelhawks (S43-S47)
S47 - Signed $4,000,001.84 extension with the Hamilton Steelhawks (S48)
S48 - Announced retirement (S35-S48)
------------------------------------------------------------
Awards:
S35 - Ron Bolt Award for Sportsmanship Winner (SMJHL)
S35 - Zach Miller Award for Dedication Winner (SMJHL)
S35 - John McBride Playoff MVP Award Winner (Kelowna)
S36 - Mikka Granlund Award for Leadership Winner (Kelowna)
S37 - Ron Bolt Award for Sportsmanship Winner (SMJHL)
S42 - Silver Medal with Team Canada (IIHF)


Joey Wheeler | GM | Retired
SMJHL Regular Season Stats
S37 - KEL GP: 50 | W: 17 | L: 25 | OTL: 8 | P: 42 (Finished 7th)
S38 - KEL GP: 50 | W: 27 | L: 16 | OTL: 7 | P: 61 (Finished 3rd)
S39 - KEL GP: 50 | W: 24 | L: 21 | OTL: 5 | P: 53 (Finished 6th)
S40 - KEL GP: 50 | W: 34 | L: 16 | OTL: 0 | P: 68 (Finished 1st)
S41 - KEL GP: 50 | W: 25 | L: 16 | OTL: 9 | P: 59 (Finished 4th)
S42 - KEL GP: 50 | W: 35 | L: 13 | OTL: 2 | P: 72 (Finished 2nd)
S43 - KEL GP: 50 | W: 26 | L: 21 | OTL: 3 | P: 55 (Finished 4th)
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
S47 - DET GP: 50 | W: 22 | L: 24 | OTL: 4 | P: 48 (Finished 8th)
S48 - DET GP: 50 | W: 29 | L: 17 | OTL: 4 | P: 62 (Finished 3rd)
S48 - DET GP: 50 | W: 31 | L: 13 | OTL: 6 | P: 68 (Finished 1st)
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Playoff History
Kelowna Knights
S37 - Missed Playoffs
S38 - Eliminated in the Quarterfinals by Montreal (2-4)
S39 - Eliminated in the Quarterfinals by Vancouver (0-4)
S40 - Four Star Cup Win against Detroit (4-0)
S41 - Four Star Cup Win against Montreal (4-3)
S42 - Four Star Cup Win against Vancouver (4-2)
S43 - Eliminated in the Quarterfinals by Detroit (2-4)
Detroit Falcons
S47 - Eliminated in the Quarterfinals by St. Louis (2-4)
S48 - Eliminated in the Quarterfinals by Anchorage (3-4)
------------------------------------------------------------
IIHF History
Team Canada
S39 - Gold Medal Win against Finland (6-5)
S40 - Eliminated in the Quarterfinals by Germany (2-3 L)
S41 - Eliminated in the Quarterfinals by United Kingdom (5-6 L)
S42 - Silver Medal against Ireland (2-3)
S43 - Eliminated in the Quarterfinals by Russia (1-2)
------------------------------------------------------------
Achievements:
S36 - Hired as Kelowna Knights co-GM (09/18/2017)
S38 - Hired as Kelowna Knights Head GM (01/12/2018)
S39 - Hired as Team Canada co-GM (02/27/2018)
S39 - IIHF Gold Medal as Team Canada GM (03/21/2018)
S40 - Hired as Team Canada Head GM (04/24/2018)
S40 - Laurifer Trophy Winner (04/19/2018)
S40 - Occasus Trophy Winner (04/28/2018)
S40 - SMJHL Four Star Cup Championship (05/02/2018)
S40 - Mathias Chouinard Winner (05/14/2018)
S41 - Occasus Trophy Winner (06/16/2018)
S41 - SMJHL Four Star Cup Championship (06/20/2018)
S41 - Mathias Chouinard Nominee (07/07/2018)
S42 - SMJHL Four Star Cup Championship (08/22/2018)
S42 - IIHF Silver Medal as Team Canada GM (09/02/2018)
S42 - Mathias Chouinard Nominee (09/07/2018)
S43 - Mathias Chouinard Nominee (10/29/2018)
S47 - Hired as Detroit Falcons co-GM (04/27/2019)
S47 - Hired as Team Canada Interim co-GM (05/29/2019)

**First GM in SMJHL history to win 3 Four Star Cups back-to-back-to-back**

Dry ice hockey, y'all! Give it that Halloween outlook on the rink all the time. Who cares if it's so cold it might be dangerous? Who cares if it's going to sublimate quickly, making this all terribly impractical? We're here for the show, right! Let's make it magnificent.

(sigs courtesy of Carpy48, BDonini, Turd Ferguson, FlappyGiraffe, and Sulovilen)

We are going to start using Gatorade advertising wise this makes sense. You can change out the flavor based on what the team wants to taste if they hit the ice or even smell throughout the arena.

#11 - Shylo Moxii - C

SHL Team: Montreal Patriotes

SMJHL Team: Quebec City Citadelles

Height: 6"3

Weight: 200 Ibs

Hometown: Toronto, Canada

SMJHL Undrafted Prospect

S64 13th Overall Pick to Montreal

Traded to Quebec City

---------------------------------

Awards

S64 WJC Gold

------------------------------------------------------

S63 Great Falls Grizzlies Signed 1 Year $7,000,000 ($2 Mil Signing Bonus)

S64 Montreal Patriotes Signed 1 Year $3,000,000

S65 Montreal Patriotes Signed 3 Year $9,000,000 Extension

S68 Montreal Patriotes Signed 3 Year $14,000,000 Extension

-------------------------------------------------------

Minor League Stats

S63 | 34 GP | 1 G | 4 A | 5 P | 29 SOG | 2 PIMs | 6 Hits | 11 Blk | 10 GA | 6 TA 

S64 | 66 GP | 15 G | 32 A | 47 P | 142 SOG | 22 PIMs | 90 Hits | 72 Blk | 37 GA | 19 TA

S65 | 66 GP | 37 G | 47 A | 84 P | 271 SOG | 29 PIMs | 123 Hits | 68 Blk | 53 GA | 27 TA

S66 | 66 GP | 48 G | 34 A | 82 P | 245 SOG | 31 PIMs | 68 Hits | 34 Blk | 72 GA | 56 TA

---------------------------------------------------

Minor League Playoff Stats

S63 | 16 GP | 1 G | 2 A | 3 Pts | 10 SOG | 0 PIMs | 3 Hits | 6 Blks

S65 | 10 GP | 2 G | 9 A | 11 Pts | 25 SOG | 0 PIMs | 11 Hits | 7 Blks 

S66 | 17 GP | 8 G | 5 A | 13 Pts | 40 SOG | 8 PIMs | 34 Hits | 10 Blks

---------------------------------------------------

Minor League Career Stats 

232 GP | 101 G | 117 A | 218 P | 687 SOG | 53 PIMs | 287 Hits | 185 Blk 

---------------------------------------------

Minor League Playoff Career

43 GP | 11 G | 16 A | 27 Pts | 75 SOG | 0 PIMs | 48 Hits | 23 Blks

---------------------------------------------------

SHL Career

MTL S67 | 66 GP | 17 G | 32 A | 49 P | +10 | 42 Blks | 49 Hits

-----------------------------------------------------

SHL Playoffs Career

MTL S67 | 16 GP | 3 G | 6 A | 9 P | -3 | 9 Blks | 15 Hitst

Replace the ice with frozen SHL™ branded beer. After each game we’ll melt the beer ice and sell it as special “game worn brew”. It’s a horrible product and the ice looks like sewage water, but it makes the shareholders happy so that’s what counts.

sig by me (:

Kezia MacKenzie - LW - Regina Elk - Atlanta Inferno

I mean, the only real answer is nitrogen. The rink is kept at a cool -350 degrees F, so when the players skate over it, it starts to sublimate and turn into vapor behind our skates.

Credit to enigmatic, Merica, and tweedledunn for sigs


Marcel Beck || #21 || D || Winnipeg Aurora || 1132 TPE || 2078 Max TPE

Draft Class: S60
Height: 6' 3"
Weight: 212 lbs
Number: 21
Nation: Switzerland
------------------------------------------------------------
----------SHL Stats----------
-----Regular Season-----
S63 | WPG -A-| 66 GP | 5 G | 25 A | 30 PTS | -54 | 106 S | 50 PIM | 107 H | 144 SB | 35 TkA | 22:53 TOI
S64 | WPG -A-| 66 GP | 9 G | 20 A | 29 PTS |  -9  | 170 S | 60 PIM | 100 H | 168 SB | 28 TkA | 22:48 TOI
S65 | WPG -A-| 66 GP | 6 G | 38 A | 44 PTS | +15| 204 S | 22 PIM | 127 H | 106 SB | 22 TkA | 22:02 TOI
S66 | WPG -A-| 66 GP | 9 G | 29 A | 38 PTS | +1  | 202 S | 46 PIM |  86 H  | 91 SB  | 65 TkA | 21:58 TOI
S67 | WPG -A-| 66 GP | 7 G | 30 A | 37 PTS | +43| 155 S | 27 PIM |  68 H  | 126 SB | 37 TkA | 21:17 TOI
S68 | WPG -A-| 66 GP |13 G |35 A | 48 PTS | +36 | 189 S | 45 PIM | 77 H  | 206 SB | 53 TkA | 22:19 TOI
S69 | WPG -A-| 66 GP |15 G |40 A | 55 PTS | +44 | 246 S | 49 PIM | 78 H  | 136 SB | 79 TkA | 23:17 TOI
S70 | WPG -A-| 66 GP | 6 G | 39 A | 45 PTS | +44 | 202 S | 36 PIM | 73 H  | 157 SB | 41 TkA | 20:45 TOI
S71 | WPG -A-| 66 GP | 3 G | 36 A | 39 PTS | +43 | 205 S | 48 PIM | 102 H  | 104 SB | 68 TkA | 21:07 TOI
S72 | WPG -A-| 66 GP| 11 G | 29 A | 40 PTS | +49 | 161 S | 42 PIM | 73 H  | 109 SB | 80 TkA | 22:14 TOI
S73 | WPG -A-| 66 GP| 11 G | 30 A | 41 PTS | +72 | 141 S | 54 PIM | 74 H  | 141 SB | 41 TkA | 20:39 TOI
S74 | WPG -A-| 66 GP| 9 G | 21 A | 30 PTS | +10 | 145 S | 22 PIM | 53 H  | 138 SB | 41 TkA | 20:14 TOI
S75 | WPG -A-| 66 GP| 6 G | 21 A | 27 PTS | +37 | 123 S | 30 PIM | 63 H  |  88 SB | 50 TkA | 20:32 TOI
S76 | WPG     |
SHL Career | 858 GP | 110 G | 393 A | 503 PTS | +331 | 2249 S | 531 PIM | 1081 H | 1714 SB | 640 TkA |

-----Playoffs-----
S63 | WPG -A-| Missed Playoffs
S64 | WPG -A-|   4 GP | 0 G |  0 A |  0 PTS  |  -2 |  9 S  |  0 PIM | 10 H |  8 SB | 0 TkA | 21:37 TOI
S65 | WPG -A-| 14 GP | 2 G |  7 A |  9 PTS  | +0 | 45 S | 0 PIM | 33 H | 31 SB |  7 TkA | 23:11 TOI
S66 | WPG -A-|   5 GP | 1 G |  4 A |  5 PTS  | +2 |  6 S  | 2 PIM |  9 H  |  7 SB | 5 TkA  | 21:12 TOI
S67 | WPG -A-| 15 GP | 1 G |  6 A |  7 PTS  | +5 | 25 S | 2 PIM |  8 H  | 42 SB | 12 TkA | 20:52 TOI
S68 | WPG -A-| 10 GP | 3 G |  2 A |  5 PTS  | +7 | 26 S | 2 PIM | 12 H | 31 SB |  6 TkA | 22:36 TOI
S69 | WPG -A-| 24 GP | 6 G | 10 A | 16 PTS | +7 | 59 S | 9 PIM | 39 H | 34 SB | 28 TkA | 23:22 TOI
S70 | WPG -A-| 22 GP | 1 G | 8 A  |  9 PTS  | +0 | 38 S | 8 PIM | 26 H | 50 SB | 23 TkA | 20:26 TOI
S71 | WPG -A-| 22 GP | 7 G | 15 A | 22 PTS | +5 | 50 S | 6 PIM | 30 H | 42 SB | 23 TkA | 21:47 TOI
S72 | WPG -A-| 19 GP | 4 G |  7 A | 11 PTS | +20 | 48 S | 12 PIM | 20 H | 45 SB | 12 TkA | 22:15 TOI
S73 | WPG -A-| 17 GP | 4 G |  5 A |  9 PTS  | +1  | 30 S | 8 PIM  | 11 H | 49 SB | 16 TkA | 20:46 TOI
S74 | WPG -A-| 22 GP | 2 G |  5 A |  7 PTS  | +5  | 41 S | 4 PIM  | 11 H | 43 SB | 23 TkA | 21:09 TOI
S75 | WPG -A-|  6 GP | 1 G |   0 A |  1 PTS  | -8  |  8 S |  0 PIM  |  6 H |  10 SB |  5 TkA |  21:27 TOI
SHL Career | 180 GP | 32 G | 69 A | 101 PTS | +42 | 385 S | 53 PIM | 215 H | 392 SB | 160 TkA |

----------SMJHL Stats----------
-----Regular Season-----
S58 | STL     | 24 GP |  1 G  |  5 A  |  6 PTS |  -5  |  23 S  |  8 PIM  |  24 H  |  13 SB  |  3 TkA  | 18:15 TOI
S59 | STL     | 66 GP |  5 G  | 11 A | 16 PTS | -31 |  73 S  | 12 PIM |  70 H  |  31 SB  | 30 TkA | 20:49 TOI
S60 | STL -A-| 66 GP |  7 G  | 24 A | 31 PTS |  -7  | 130 S | 16 PIM |  91 H  |  83 SB  | 40 TkA | 20:18 TOI
S61 | STL -C-| 66 GP |  5 G  | 17 A | 22 PTS | -8   | 101 S |  8 PIM  |   90 H | 111 SB | 30 TkA | 20:24 TOI
S62 | STL -C-| 66 GP | 11 G | 23 A | 34 PTS | -26  | 122 S | 71 PIM | 131 H | 125 SB | 32 TkA | 21:33 TOI
SMJHL Career | 288 GP | 29 G | 80 A | 109 PTS | -77 | 449 S | 115 PIM | 406 H | 363 SB | 135 TkA |

-----Playoffs-----
S58 | STL     |  6 GP  | 0 G | 1 A | 1 PTS |  -1 | 10 S | 2 PIM |  2 H |  9 SB  | 1 TkA | 17:13 TOI
S59 | STL     |  7 GP  | 0 G | 1 A | 1 PTS | +3 |   3 S | 0 PIM |  6 H |  6 SB  | 1 TkA | 18:58 TOI
S60 | STL -A-| 11 GP | 0 G | 4 A | 4 PTS | +2 | 19 S | 0 PIM | 22 H | 13 SB | 8 TkA | 20:11 TOI
S61 | STL -C-|  7 GP  | 2 G | 2 A | 4 PTS |  -2 | 14 S | 4 PIM | 16 H | 11 SB | 3 TkA | 19:56 TOI
S62 | STL -C-|  4 GP  | 0 G | 1 A | 1 PTS |  -4 |   1 S | 0 PIM |  5 H |  3 SB  | 3 TkA | 20:41 TOI
SMJHL Career | 35 GP | 2 G | 9 A | 11 PTS | -2 | 47 S | 6 PIM | 51 H | 42 SB | 16 TkA |

----------International Stats----------
-----IIHF-----
S62 | SWI | 13 GP | 2 G | 4 A | 6 PTS | +2 | 19 S | 4 PIM | 11 H | 28 SB | 2 TkA | 17:03 TOI
S63 | SWI | 15 GP | 1 G | 5 A | 6 PTS | +2 | 19 S | 7 PIM | 19 H | 19 SB | 4 TkA | 17:00 TOI
S64 | SWI | 13 GP | 0 G | 2 A | 2 PTS |  -3 |  9 S  | 6 PIM | 15 H | 11 SB | 6 TkA | 18:10 TOI
S65 | SWI | 15 GP | 1 G | 6 A | 7 PTS |  -3 | 22 S | 8 PIM | 25 H | 39 SB | 9 TkA | 20:45 TOI
S66 | SWI | 13 GP | 1 G | 1 A | 2 PTS |  -5 | 18 S | 13 PIM | 9 H | 36 SB | 12 TkA | 22:08 TOI
S67 | SWI | 13 GP | 2 G | 1 A | 3 PTS |  -3 | 15 S |  2 PIM | 6 H  | 31 SB | 8 TkA | 22:30 TOI
S68 | SWI | 13 GP | 0 G | 4 A | 4 PTS |  -3 | 18 S |  6 PIM | 7 H  | 33 SB | 7 TkA | 21:30 TOI
S69 | SWI | 12 GP | 2 G | 1 A | 3 PTS | +3 | 25 S |  0 PIM | 13 H | 31 SB | 11 TkA | 22:02 TOI
S70 | SWI | 12 GP | 2 G | 0 A | 2 PTS | -7  | 22 S |  4 PIM | 10 H | 36 SB | 3 TkA | 23:13 TOI
S71 | SWI | 15 GP | 2 G | 3 A | 5 PTS | +1 | 17 S |  8 PIM | 10 H | 50 SB | 7 TkA | 23:27 TOI
S72 | SWI | 12 GP | 2 G | 1 A | 3 PTS | -6  | 21 S |  5 PIM |  3 H | 42 SB | 4 TkA | 21:14 TOI
S73 | SWI | 12 GP | 0 G | 2 A | 2 PTS | -8  | 13 S |  6 PIM | 13 H | 36 SB | 6 TkA | 22:18 TOI
S74 | SWI | 15 GP | 1 G | 3 A | 4 PTS | +6  | 30 S | 12 PIM | 11 H | 15 SB | 12 TkA | 19:40 TOI
S75 | SWI |
IIHF Career | 173 GP | 16 G | 33 A | 49 PTS | -24 | 248 S | 81 PIM | 152 H | 407 SB | 91 TkA |

-----WJC-----
S58 | CANW | 12 GP | 0 G | 5 A |  5 PTS  | +2 |  9 S |  4 PIM  | 16 H |  8 SB  | 5 TkA | 15:31 TOI
S59 |  DACH | 15 GP | 0 G | 8 A |  8 PTS  | +8 |  7 S |  0 PIM  | 12 H |  4 SB  | 2 TkA | 07:51 TOI
S60 |  DACH | 15 GP | 5 G | 5 A | 10 PTS | +8 | 26 S |  0 PIM | 11 H |  7 SB  | 9 TkA | 17:20 TOI
S61 |  DACH | 13 GP | 4 G | 4 A |  8 PTS  | +2 | 22 S |  7 PIM | 19 H | 12 SB | 3 TkA | 14:45 TOI
S62 |  DACH | 15 GP | 3 G | 5 A |  8 PTS  | +4 | 25 S | 11 PIM | 18 H | 18 SB | 4 TkA | 22:56 TOI
WJC Career | 70 GP | 12 G | 27 A | 39 PTS | +24 | 89 S | 22 PIM | 76 H | 49 SB | 23 TkA |

----------Transactions----------
S58 - Signed as DFA by St. Louis Scarecrows
S59 - SMJHL - Drafted 8th Overall by St. Louis Scarecrows
S60 - SHL - Drafted 6th Overall by Winnipeg Aurora
S63 - Called up to SHL by Winnipeg Aurora

----------Awards and Achievements----------
S59: WJC Gold Medal - DACH
S59: Zach Miller Trophy Nomination
S60: Zach Miller Trophy Nomination
S60: WJC Bronze Medal - DACH
S63: IIHF Silver Medal - Switzerland
S63: Ryan Jesster Trophy
S63: All-Star Selection
S65: All-Star Game
S65: IIHF Gold Medal - Switzerland
S68: All-Star Game
S68: Bojo Biscuit Trophy Nomination
S69: Bojo Biscuit Trophy Nomination
S69: Scott Stevens Trophy Nomination
S72: All-Star Game
S72: Challenge Cup
S74: IIHF Silver Medal - Switzerland

----------Peak TPE----------
S58: 177 TPE
S59: 303 TPE
S60: 511 TPE
S61: 728 TPE
S62: 939 TPE
S63: 1139 TPE
S64: 1298 TPE
S65: 1493 TPE
S66: 1676 TPE
S67: 1891 TPE
S68: 2061 TPE
S69: 2078 TPE
S70: 2007 TPE
S71: 1906 TPE
S72: 1813 TPE
S73: 1734 TPE
S74: 1612 TPE
S75: 1456 TPE
S76: 1352 TPE


----------Career Contracts----------
S58: $1.0m STL
S59: $4.7m STL
S60: $2.5m WPG
S61: $2.5m WPG
S62: $2.5m WPG
S63: $3.0m WPG
S64: $3.0m WPG
S65: $3.0m WPG
S66: $4.0m WPG (HTD)
S67: $4.0m WPG (HTD)
S68: $4.0m WPG (HTD)
S69: $4.0m WPG (HTD)(NTC)
S70: $4.0m WPG (HTD)(NTC)
S71: $4.0m WPG (HTD)
S72: $4.0m WPG (HTD)
S73: $5.0m WPG
S74: $5.0m WPG
S75: $4.0m WPG
S76: $4.0m WPG



GM: Mr. Beck
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL:
S64 Carolina Co-GM [GM: sve7en] - 11th place, Beat MET 1st Round 4-2, Lost to NL 2nd Round 0-4, (22-36-8)
S66 St. Louis Co-GM [GM: Sparky] - 7th place - BYE, Beat VAN 2nd Round 4-3, Lost to QCC in 3rd Round 3-4, (34-25-7)
S67 St. Louis Co-GM [GM: Sparky] - 6th Place - Beat ANC 1st Round 4-1, Beat REG 2nd Round 4-2, Lost to QCC in 3rd Round 3-4 (38,25,3)
S68 St. Louis Co-GM [GM: Sparky] - 6th Place - Beat VAN 1st Round 4-1, Beat NBB 2nd Round 4-2, (35,24,7)
S69 St. Louis Co-GM [GM: Sparky] - 14th Place, Loss to KEL 1st Round 4-2 (13-50-3)
S76 Winnipeg Co-GM [GM: Ace] -
------------------------------------------------------------
International Clubs:
S58 WJC Co-GM Sweden [GM - Canadice] - 4th place (8-4-0)
S60 WJC GM North America [Co - Big Newff] - 8th place, Lost to Sweden 4-5 in 1st Round, (4-7-1)
S61 WJC GM North America - 9th Place, Missed Playoffs, (3-7-2)
S62 WJC GM North America - 7th place, Lost to BI 0-5 in 1st Round (5-5-2)
S63 WJC GM North America [Co - nhlbeastmode_7777] - 6th place, Lost to DACH 4-5 (OT) in 1st Round, (3-6-3)
S64 WJC GM North America [Co - dylanjj37] - 10th Place, Missed Playoffs, (2-9-1)
S65 WJC GM North America [Co - crazylemire] - 10th Place, Missed Playoffs, (0-12-0)
S66 WJC GM North America - 10th Place, Missed Playoffs, (1-10-1)
S74 IIHF Co-Head Switzerland [Head - Valpix] - 5th Place, Silver Medal (7-0-5-0)

I think the SHL bigwigs exploit me enough without also getting me to become a marketing guru for free. Deposit 20 million into my bank account and then we can talk about maybe replacing water with something like lemon-scented water.

 

The Atlanta Inferno arena will be replacing normal boring ice with the red juice from those freezy push pops. Not only will the red coloring match the rest of the team and arena, but when you fall down, you'll have a tasty treat to lick while picking yourself up.

Paul Bondage | RD | Atlanta Inferno | 420 TPE

Whatever the blue freezer pops are made out of. You know those ones that you get like a bag of 100 for at costco and has the plastic that can tear up your cheeks? That, but blue only. Red is good too, but feel like the contrast between the red and the black puck would make it tough so blue takes the win.

 


Sig credit: Ragnar, Carpy48, High Stick King


Ivan Lacksamus || RW || Detroit Falcons
Number: 14
Height: 6ft 1in
Weight: 200 lbs
Birthplace: Switzerland

Hawaiian Punch is set to be the new official frozen liquid of the SHL. It's hard to argue against Hawaiian Punch's consistency in sugary syrup over the past few decades, and the lower freezing point will aid in keeping the lights on in about half of these poverty SHL franchises.