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spidey · 03-24-2023, 02:10 PM

So I saw this posting a while back, and though about applying for it in jest. But I realized that if I became someone @SpartanGibbles wanted to hire, it wouldn’t be fair to him as I would reject the offer. Then I saw @Ragnar response to his post within it and I also wanted to do something similar, but rather then helping start a trend where everyone starts making jokes about the question and applying to the position I decided to make this media article about my “Desire” to join and be co-General Manager of the Great Falls Grizzlies.

So to clarify, no interest in actually applying, but wanted to do something funny, mostly because I am an asshole. Without further ado:

1. What do you view the role of GMing in the SMJHL?

Mostly weeding out the weak. I think more General Managers should just focus on punishing the weak, they will grow stronger from it, making a stronger league. Miss a point task, that’s a paddling. Don’t do media, that’s a paddling. Looking out the window, oh you better believe that’s a paddling. Asking for a paddling, that’s a paddling.

If you can’t figure out the site, tough, it’s not my job to teach you, there are videos and things others have already done. If you can’t take someone making fun of you, this shouldn’t be the league for you, community, family…not here. Don’t want to hear about your personal life, don’t care what your cat did. I am here to bring on the best, pure machines that want all the TPE and money, if you are not the best, you are not worthy my time or the Great Falls Grizzlies. Someone should be using this for recruiting players during the draft! Guaranteed only all stars will be applying to your roster.

I know it is controversial in this day and age to beat and neglect the weak links of your team, but honestly it is just so much easier to move on from them. Perhaps neglect is a strong word, lock them in the basement without light, alone with @Jorec, that may be more appropriate.

2. What specific skills do you bring to the table?

*Takes off pants*

I am also able to ignore the cries of the weak or give them misinformation so they will be on an endless hunt for answers full of red herrings and errors.

3. What is your expected activity level on discord and onsite(What times are you more likely to be online)?

You might as well call me Zeus, (I would say god but that would upset some people). I am all knowing, seeing and always watching. Particularly when most of the rookies are in the shower. But just like Zeus don’t actually come to me with questions or prayers, because I will never answer them for you. Instead I will remain silent as you ponder about the decisions you make, how to reach this goal, what the answers could be. When it works out you will say that I guilded you with my leadership in silence so you could be better and learn from it yourself. When it fails you will say clearly you were not worthy enough to have the right answer at this time and truly I did not favour you in this decision.

Either way, I am watching you and judging you, typically with hilarious thoughts.

4. Why do you want the role of Co-GM?

It is the first step in my league wide domination plan. First I will start off as a player that everyone loves and is happy to be around. Then I take over as Co-General Manager, the silent but firm partner, the success of my tough love plan will make every SHL General Manager drool at my clear-cut path to championships and demand I join them.

Once part of the SHL I will mercilessly trade off the worst of the team and build a true Championship All Star Roster, the likes of the 1983 to 1990 Oilers. Everyone will marvel at my accomplishments all while saying next to nothing. Players will beg to be a part of my roster, but I will only choose the best, the rest will rot with the rest of the league. The league will grow exceptionally with my merciless tact demanding I move forward to a head office position, so they continue to see expansion.

Once there I will act as Brutus to my Caesar and stab him in the back with false lies and actual knives with a group of conspirators and ban his ass from the league. The crowds will thank me for freeing them from the oppression they were under and from there the league is MINE!

That and I like the money aspect of the job.

5. What do you hope to accomplish if hired?

Mostly mutiny…Damn it, I said the quite part loud again.

Clearly I want to create a self-reliant machine that excels in the workings of the league to further promote their own players, while utilizing these top players to win championship after championship creating the greatest dynasty in the SMJHL.

Also some fun team activites:
5 am wake up role calls or you are cut
Mandate 2 media or graphics submission a week, 50% payout goes to me, or you are cut
6 pm curfew from the site and discord to keep in peak mental condition, or you are cut
Daily praise of their great co-General Manager, or you are cut

5. Which Bear is best?

[Image: 342662bb2479bb5eb466b0aa2e4380d820e45176...e30e19.png]

[Image: 342662bb2479bb5eb466b0aa2e4380d820e45176...e30e19.png]

False Black Bear

If you actually managed to read this far, I wish @SpartanGibbles all the best in his General Manager search. It is likely for the best I do not become a Co-General Manager again.

Cuffy · 03-28-2023, 06:54 AM

#spideyforgm

Cuffy · 03-28-2023, 06:55 AM

seattle stingrays for life

spidey · 03-28-2023, 09:36 AM

03-28-2023, 06:55 AMCuffy Wrote: seattle stingrays for life

Damn right!

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