A LETTER FROM THE DESK OF LOGAN WEBB TO THE GREAT CITIZENS OF THE TOWNSHIP OF KELOWNA:

Another game, another loss. WHAT THE HELL! On paper The Kelowna Knights should be a contending team. They have a great defensive group, one of the best goalies in the league, and a solid group of forwards. The rookies are all progressing well, this is not a basement team. Yet we find ourselves here this year. Leaving the question of what can be done, should be done, will be done and how the hell did we end up here?!

To be fair the sky is not falling, mountains are not exploding, and Satan has not taken this earthly realm (Although you wouldn’t know with how well the Battle born are doing). We are only 4 days into the regular season (not even a quarter of the way there yet). There is still a lot of time for this team to turn things around and get back into a playoff position. In order to do that some big changes need to happen.

First, I take responsibility on myself. Clearly I have not been doing enough training to help this team succeed. Last season I came in a whirl wind of destruction as a rookie. Every day I was working on some aspect to my game. Finding ways to improve and be better. This season I have allowed myself to coast and enjoy the success of year’s past to get me through this season. NOT ANYMORE! I pledge to the great town of Kelowna, I will once again train like a maniac beast.

Starting today I will hit the beer harder then before, at least a 6 pack a day will be drank! I will beef up this body and muscles with the power of beer, created by the gods to help us succeed. During game time no more water or Gatorade, straight Whiskey. I will skate harder, hit harder, and celebrate in the most amazing ways to any goal scored.

No more slacking at home. It is time to unchain this beast and work harder then ever to attain perfection in the SMJHL. From now on at least a 30 minute cock pushup at home. Just place a book under my face and allow my body to do the work as I hold that position for 30 minutes of pure core strength training.

Finally I will give you everything I have Kelowna and my pledge to you is to ensure the team is fired up for every game. No longer will I allow death metal to be played in our locker room before we start a game. We are switching it up, to the smooth tones of Kenny G and his sexy saxophone solos. That’s right we are coming out ready to mess up other teams powered by such great hits as Forever in Love, Songbirds, and The Moment. The kind of music that energizes a locker room to go out an win hockey games.

Don’t worry Glorious Kelowna, we are here to win and I promise you I will make the changes to get us to the promised land.

- Logan Webb #55