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ThisSeemsFishy · 09-19-2023, 04:00 AM

static covers the screens again and the frightening visage of TURG TURG fills the screen once more. He sits down in his chair down in his freaky basement with a new guest. Sitting across from him is Buffalo Stampede winger, Chimkin Wing. He stirs awake and struggles against his ropes and duct tape.

WELCOME TO ALL OF TURG’S FRIENDS FOR A VERY SPECIAL INTERVIEW. TODAY ON HOCKEY: RIGHT NOW, TURG IS BRINGING A BRAND NEW SEGMENT CALLED INTERVIEW WITH A TURG! TODAY WE HAVE THE VERY GOOD CHIMKIN WING AS OUR GUEST!

HELLO MR CHIMKIN! YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD HIDE FROM TURG BY CHANGING YOUR NAME BUT TURG FIND EVERYONE! TURG GOING TO INTERVIEW HIS OLD FRIEND NOW!

WHY CHIMKIN CHANGE NAME? ALSO CHIMKIN WAS GOALIE BUT NOW IS WING? CAN CHIMKIN EXPLAIN?

Chimkin mumbles against the duct tape until TURG comes over and rips it off. After a few moments of pained screams, the captive Chimkin Wing settles down.

“Great to talk to you, old friend. I changed from goalie to a forward because being a goalie ended up not being my thing and due to my exceptional talent I was able to seamlessly transition into a star forward immediately. As for the name change, well that’s obvious. Wings are way better than tenders. Bone in traditional. Boneless are just nuggets.”

TURG IS VERY SORRY BUT TURG CANNOT AGREE WITH THAT! LAST TIME TURG HAD BONE, IT GET STUCK IN TURG THROAT! TURG NOT ABLE TO BREATHE SO TURG HAVE TO GIVE HYME LICH TO TURGSELF! VERY BAD!

OKAY NEXT QUESTION! TURG AND CHIMKIN WERE TEAMMATES WITH ARMADA! WHAT WAS CHIMKIN BEST MEMORY OF PLAY WITH TURG?

“I just remember Turg being an absolute ruthless warrior out in the ice and honestly a great locker room guy. Always the best and most well spoken speeches that really kept us motivated. I still apply a lot of what I learned from Turg today. Like don’t sneak up on a horse from behind.”

HA HA TURG MAN IS VERY HAPPY ABOUT THAT! TURG ALWAYS REMEMBER TO NOT GO BEHIND HORSE! TURG LEARN THAT THE HARD WAY!

IN TURG CAREER, TURG RETIRE VERY EARLY! IT WAS LIKE TURG GO ON AUTOPILOT AND HAVE NO ONE TO GUIDE HIM! BUT CHIMKIN PLAY FOR A LONG TIME AND IS NOW A VETERAN! WHAT IS SECRET TO CHIMKIN MAN SUCCESS?

“I was very motivated for a long time and I think it was just the fact that I surrounded myself with other motivated and successful players and always found ways to make the game fun. It never got stale for me until now toward the end of his career. Also, some advice TURG gave me about never allowing a man claiming to sell delicate textiles into my house. Saved my life.”

TURG CAN SEE THAT WORKED OUT FOR CHIMKIN MAN! CHIMKIN VERY SMART!

WHEN CHIMKIN WAS STILL TENDY, CHIMKIN WAS SOLID GOALIE FOR ARMADA! IS THERE ANYTHING YOU MISS ABOUT BEING GOALIE?

“I definitely miss being the “hero” a goalie can be. But I definitely do NOT miss being the dumping ground for all the hate after a bad game. It was the highest of highs and lowest of lows. It didn’t help that gabe was our gm at the time. He’s the worst.”

AH YES! STINKY GABE! EVERYBODY BOO THIS MAN! BOOOOOOO!

TURG CAN UNDERSTAND, AS TURG HAS KNOWN THE EPIC HIGHS AND LOWS OF HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL!

CHIMKIN MAN HAS HAD AN IMPRESSIVE CAREER PLAYING ONLY FOR ONE TEAM! TURG PLAY FOR MANY! HOW CHIMKIN MANAGE TO ONLY PLAY FOR BUFFALO?

“Buffalo has been great and never needed to rebuild, so they never had to trade me for picks. I love the environment and players there and never felt the need to leave there. Plus, now I’m the co gm so I can’t leave. All it’s missing is a little TURG (for legal purposes this is not tampering).”

YES! TURG CAN BE NEEDED! I WILL GET ON THE PHONE WITH BUFFALO GM RIGHT NOW AND PLAY WITH THEM AS MUCH AS I CAN!

MR CHIMKIN MAN HAD A FEW SEASONS OVER 90 POINTS WITH BUFFALO! BUT TURG ONLY REACH JUST OVER 40 POINTS IN SHL TIME! HOW CHIMKIN SO GOOD?

“I wasn’t ever that good, i just finally got top line minutes with guys/girls who were actually good on my line. In those seasons where I scored 90+, my two line mates would have 110+.”

CHIMKIN MUST BE NICE TO HIMSELF! HE IS VERY GOOD AT HOCKEY! TURG LOVE HIM VERY MUCH!

TURG WANT TO KNOW WHAT CHIMKIN FAVOURITE MEMORY OF SHL IS! TURG HAVE A FEW GOOD ONES BUT TURG COLLECTING DATA ON ALL THE PLAYERS FOR PERSONAL REASONS!

“Awe. I love you too TURGY. My favorite memory would probably be when we all came together for the charity drive where me and @micool132 (who’s gonna win the cup, by the way) were kind of in a “donating war” to see who could donate the most. I think as a website we donated thousands. It was for children’s cancer research, so it was pretty amazing. I love seeing the community come together like that for good.”

THAT IS A VERY LOVELY MEMORY FOR CHIMKIN! YOU ARE VERY KIND AND GRACIOUS MAN AND TURG WISH HE WAS YOU!

TURG ALSO WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOUR PLANS ARE FOR RETIREMENT! TURG WAS VERY LOST FOR A LONG TIME BEFORE TURG GET RID OF LAST HOST OF SHOW AND TAKE OVER! SO TURG WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU WILL BE DOING!

“Awe stop it TURG you don’t need to wish you were anyone. You’re great. And as far as retirement goes, I’d like to spend my days passing out behind the local Chuck E Cheese dumpster and harassing motorists on I95.”

THAT IS A GREAT PLAN! TURG HAS TO TRY THAT BETWEEN INTERVIEWS!

TURG WOULD LIKE TO THANK CHIMKIN FOR HIS TIME AND FOR JOINING TURG FOR AN INTERVIEW! TURG LOVE AND MISS YOU LOTS!

“It was a pleasure, TURG, as always. Thank you for having me. I love and miss you too, my friend.”

TURG VERY HAPPY TO INTERVIEW YOU!

TURG rushes over to the camera and shuts it off, sending the screens back to static.