Login

ibuprofenaddict · 11-17-2023, 10:54 AM

A Simpleton’s SHL Draft Ranking: Wingers Only!

What’s up party people, its your boy for all things SHL prospects, Noggy Felson! I’ve missed you all so much but now I’m BACK with one of my pre-draft specials as we look toward the big S74 SHL draft happening tomorrow. For this draft I’ll again use my proprietary, idiotic, and completely non-comprehensive formula to determine the best available wingers – so you know which players you want YOUR team to pick.

Some people think Winger is about the least important position, but I couldn’t disagree more! Wingers get in on the forecheck and can lay out big hits! They cover their points in the D-zone to varying degrees of success! When all the action is happening in the middle of the ice, they stand there and look cute! They take very few faceoffs, which are dumb anyway! The young ones even fill the team water bottles! I think we can all agree that without wingers, there would probably be only 4 other players on the ice for your team.

All that being said, I do have my latest SUPER AWESOME WINGERS ranking for you. This is the final update before the draft. I put this together for the fans, but a note to scouts and GMs who might read this, consider supporting my work via venmo @nogfelsoTHAidiot.

1. Sonya Solberg: The diminutive Norwegian winger currently suits up for QCC alongside her twin sister and put-up big numbers with 55 points! This is tied for FOURTH in the draft class among wingers. Additionally, after hours of scouting I have determined that she is currently the THIRD most skilled winger in the class. Her skill, combined with her output last season, lands her at #1 on my list!

2. Squidwardo Tentacles: The Latvian Malamute sure has a weird name! But beyond that, he tied with Solberg in points with 55, and currently ranks as my FIFTH most skilled winger. Adding these two things together in a super-secret and complex manner, puts the 6’4” winger #2 on my list!

3. Shawn Pawn: The certifiably BIGGEST fan of Chess in this draft is also not available to be picked! Sorry teams, he’s spoken for by Tampa already. Pawn comes in at #3 on my list!

4. Celeste Desjardins: Hailing from Lewiston, Maine, we find our third member of the Quebec City squad in the top 4. Some of you might think I’m CRAZY for having Desjardins so low on this list – after all, they led the league in rookie scoring with a whopping 87 points! That’s 14 more points than any other rookie winger here! However, I currently have Desjardins as only my 10th most skilled winger here after pouring over HOURS of film. Hate me all you want! Maybe I’ll be wrong (unlikely) and this is the Alex Debrincat of the draft! Who knows! Desjardins comes in at #4 on my list!

5. Deep Thought: Speaking of points, next up is Thought at #2 among rookie wingers in the SMJHL last season. The pensive Swiss loves chocolate and scoring, a great combination if you ask me! A skill ranking of 9th puts Thought at #5 on my list!

6. Erno Joonas: This giant Finnish winger put up just 47 points for the best regular season team in the league in Vancouver, which is a bit disappointing. HOWEVER you know ive studied the tapes, and I think overall Joonas was actually held back by a strong roster competing for ice time. I have Joonas as the 2nd most skilled winger, which lands them at #6 on my list!

7. Cal Juice: Is his name just Cal? Is it short for Calbert? What kind of juice does he like best? I have so many questions. Only the 11th most skilled winger on my list, Cal put up enough points (54) to climb up to #7 on my list.

8. Dwayne Swanson: This hefty American put up 60 points in the SMJHL last season, despite my scouting reports putting him at only 15th among wingers in terms of skill. Will he continue to produce next season? Swanson is up to #8 on my list!

9.  Leonard Wood: Can we call him Leon? We may never know. Is Leon even a nickname for Leonard? There’s a pretzel in my head. Wood clocks in at #9 on my list!

10.  Will Tomlander: I am a big believer in Tomlander, but he really let me down in terms of production his first season in juniors after being a very high pick for the Detroit Falcons. He’s my 4th best winger overall (and he has the most money, you can tell by how he dresses off the ice) but his on ice production was lacking and somehow got even worse in the playoffs. Will is down to #10 on my list!

11.  Marek Carda: I hadn’t even heard of this guy before the Junior draft, but now I know him as the guy who was bang average throughout the season before showing up for one playoff series and completely defied his advanced statistics to help the Falcons to a win, before going back to being bang average or worse in round 2. I actually have Carda up to 7th on my winger ranking in terms of skill, but with lackluster on ice numbers he’s down to #11 on my list!

12.  Lucki Blackwood: Blackwood closes out my POWER 12 wingers as kind of the anti-Carda. I have Lucki as only the 14th most skilled winger, but an output of 52 points brings Blackwood up to #12 on my list!

Believe it or not, there are even MORE wingers out there than just these 12, but if I were a GM (which I'm still not for some reason despite being AWESOME at this part of the job) these are the first 12 I would pick! Just a quick note, without giving away my entire SECRET FORMULA – I only considered players who had logged into the league database this week, demonstrating that they are active and prepared for the draft! That’s right! I'm on the league database! You just cant get this level of access anywhere else.

Happy drafting! Whoever your team gets, I hope you’re pleased with the pick and they live up to my expectations and once again I remain perfect. Until next time!

Your boy, Noggy.

P.S. “on my list!”

/1060 Words

***MikeLiut*** · 11-18-2023, 12:35 AM

I love this article. I would be curious to see your methodology for this.

Navigation

Extra Menu

About us