Here on SHL Hot Takes, we're known for bringing you... wait a minute, we aren't known for anything. In fact, there is no "we" at all. Further in fact, there is no "SHL Hot Takes." Rest easy SHL, there is now. Coming to you live from the Los Angeles Panthers' locker room, during a team practice that Jackson Weekes is not participating in, is the first edition of SHL Hot Takes, where I'll be tackling the biggest issues in and around the SHL.

Jackson Weekes wants out of Los Angeles? You'll hear it here first! Jackson fights with Brian Morley? You'll hear it here first! You can always be sure that I'll bring you the latest and greatest from Jackson Weekes. In fact, one thing you can be sure about is that we will always bring you news related to Jackson Weekes. There will be other players and members featured, but never will a Hot Take publish without Jackson Weekes being a part of it. You can take that to the bank (or my bank, I need money).

The Hot Take: Colin Schmidt is Jackson Weekes' biggest fan.

Recently, Colin Schmidt has taken to "whoring himself out," via an auction that he has started which will allow other players, general managers or fans pay him a sum of money to cheer for their favorite team or player. Colin is able to do this because his team didn't make the playoffs this season, so he will have plenty of time to watch all of the games. Last night, the first person to put up money on this auction was the Los Angeles Panthers' Brian Morley, who offered up two million of his own money to pay for Colin's Los Angeles cheering, particularly towards Jackson Weekes.

There is somewhat of a "rivalry" between these two, or at least that is what most would like for you to believe. In a classic middle-school fighting scenario, Jackson Weekes has said to us at SHL Hot Takes that he, "has no idea why they are considered rivals," and also that, "I legitimately don't remember us having any issues or what caused this." Classic middle-school. Jackson doesn't even know what they "fought" about.

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Who wouldn't love this guy?</div>

Weekes and Schmidt were both part of the super jam-packed and active S19 Draft. Doesn't that sound like a joke? Well, it isn't. That was the case during the lead up to the draft, everyone was hyped at how active and great that draft class looked. It now looks sad and pathetic, especially compared to some of the more recent drafts. In that draft, Jackson Weekes was selected before Colin Schmidt, perhaps that is the reason for the rivalry.

Jackson also was vocal about being critical of the Detroit Falcons' (at the time) General Manager and his draft decisions during the S18 SMJHL Draft, which led to plenty of negativity from Jackson towards Detroit, which is the team that Schmidt was on. However, I don't believe any (or much) of it was directed at Colin Schmidt, but instead at the other goalies selected highly in the draft by Detroit.

Anyway, back to why this is relevant. Colin Schmidt could have been forced to cheer for Jackson Weekes as his "biggest fan," had Morley not been outbid by Bojo Biscuit, who put up money just to have Schmidt cheer for Calgary. However, I am here to say that Colin Schmidt was ALREADY Jackson Weekes' biggest fan. Whaaaaaaaat? I know right? Who would've thought that Schmidt would be Weekes' biggest fan, since the two seem to be at odds all the time. Well, there is a very simple way to prove this point.

The SHL uses a very scientific system that helps determine a player's reputation. It's called SHL Rep (because I just called it that). SHL Rep allows other players and members to either vote things that people have said, positively or negatively. Jackson Weekes has a "rep" of 36, not exactly very high. All 36 of his points are from positive reputation remarks, he hasn't had a negative one to offset the scoring. A little digging into this system shows that Colin Schmidt's name is the most common one on the list.

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Colin Schmidt has boosted Jackson's reputation positively 10 times, which accounts for 28% of the total reputation, far more than any other single entity. He's the only one even close, as I believe the second highest is gorlab with 3 appearances, a measly 8% of the total. Colin more than triples the appearances of the second place voter! This means that Colin Schmidt has the best opinion of Jackson Weekes and is his biggest fan (both 100% facts). It is undeniable. The proof is in the reputation pudding. By digging a little further and analyzing the comments that are with the reputation, as well as the post that gained the vote, we can determine is Schmidt has a valid reason or if he is just seeking out Weekes' love and attention (because he's a huge fan, ya know?).

Breakdown of Comments and Posts

One
In reference to a showdown between Colin and Mike Schmidt (anyone remember that guy? Didn't think so.), Jackson called it "A Schmidt-y situation." A pretty lame pun attempt, if I must say so myself. Colin gave this a positive rating, remarking: "punpunpunpun." This isn't very insightful, which leads me to believe that Schmidt just wanted to impress Jackson. This was Jackson's third positive reputation of all time.

Two
These next three were strung off where three positive reputation marks happened in a row for Jackson, all coming from Colin. The first of which was in reference to this photo of Colin Schmidt that Jackson posted:

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Colin responded with: "Spot-on photography" - I think this is a completely accurate statement, and as such, is warranted.

Three
Jackson was involved with a rumor early on in his time in the SHL that claimed he might consider buying the Seattle Riot. Jackson was one of the wealthiest SHL members and the Riot were considered the cheapest of the SHL's franchises. Colin responded to these rumors with positivity towards Jackson in the form of this comment: "Buy it. Buy it now."

I think Colin wanted to join Jackson in business, talking him into making the purchase and then probably finding a way to join as an investor so that he could be closer to Jackson, his hero and idol.

Four
Colin gave positive feedback to this post by Jackson, which was both a lame pun and an insult:

"Needed a technicality to move up Colin?

How Schmidtty."

Colin gave it a positive review, but was left speechless and did not comment. I think his feelings were hurt because a true role model had insulted him, but it also made him want to be closer to him and his admiration only grew.

Five
Schmidt was speechless again in response to one of Jackson's play-by-play performances. This one is understandable, no one did play-by-plays like Jackson Weekes. Anyone up for some icing?

Six
Colin boosted the rep of Jackson with an "A for effort," following Jackson's attempt to spam a thread in order to speed up a play-by-play. I think an A is being pretty generous, so I would say that this is another attempt to garner attention and love from Jackson.

Seven
I'm not surprised by this one at all, another speechless comment by Schmidt. This time, Jackson feigned showing his penis to the league and instead tricked them with a photo of "It the Clown." I believe that Colin perhaps really wanted it to be true, and when it wasn't he was shocked and disappointed. His positivity was probably an attempt at getting Jackson to reconsider.

Eight
Another run of three straight here for Schmidt, this one created because of a well-timed Lennay Kekua joke from Jackson Weekes. I'll let this one slide, it deserved more likes.

Nine
Colin Schmidt feigned retirement and said he was leaving the SHL. When Jackson saw this he posted that he had killed Colin, but also (in a much smaller font) said that he would see Colin when he inevitably returned. Well, Colin took some time to think about it (roughly one day) and realized that he couldn't bear to leave now that Jackson had somewhat opened up to him. I think he saw a light at the end of the tunnel that said there was hope for a great friendship in the future and he came running back for more.

Ten
Colin thought one of Jackson's posts about killing C.J. James in a simulation was funny, commenting with a laughing smiley face. The comment mentioned how Colin would be the only more suitable replacement for James, so I'm surprised that Schmidt thought it was funny. I think he was probably laughing to hide the hurt and sadness it made him feel that he had perhaps come back from his hiatus for nothing. I think he is still searching for Jackson's affection.

In Conclusion

Colin Schmidt is very clearly awestruck by Jackson Weekes and seeks his friendship and adoration. Any recognition from Jackson is usually met with a positive response, because that is what Colin strives for in his every day forum life. Colin Schmidt is, undoubtedly, Jackson Weekes' biggest fan, regardless of what happens with that auction.

This is in no way truthful, factual or meant as an insult. It is in good fun, and I hope that Colin can take it as such - and not fall even more madly in love with Jackson Weekes in the process.

Just...
=D>

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(RETIRED) D - Fernando Pergher

shots fired


saved by schmidt

Goddamnit I laughed so hard while reading this. Screw it, have an 11th +rep.

I DON'T CARE WHAT THE PEOPLE THINK! THEY CAN ONLY KEEP US APART FOR SO LONG!

) Great read

Originally posted by Schmidt@Jul 13 2015, 04:30 PM
Goddamnit I laughed so hard while reading this. Screw it, have an 11th +rep.

I DON'T CARE WHAT THE PEOPLE THINK! THEY CAN ONLY KEEP US APART FOR SO LONG!

I think, if we were skaters, we probably would've been on the same team or something eventually. Probably.