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tweedledunn · 03-31-2017, 09:33 PM

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ready as it'll ever be for grading, doubles weeeeeeeeeek, 1000 words

:admirals: :admirals: :admirals: Goal

article reading soundtrack: on repeat

When the offensive high-end Teemu Sirius got a quick look at the line combinations for the first day of on-ice workouts, the Portland Admirals' super duper rookie must have felt a bit like he'd won the lottery or took that first bite of a kick ass sandwich.
The 18-year-old sinister newcomer is being given a slap happy shot in training camp to play with the house-broken stars Jonathan Lundberg and Pedro Sarantez on the team's top and fear inspiring line.

"It was a great first day," a pinkish green beaming Teemu Sirius said late Friday after the Admirals hit the cool ice for the first time at the beautiful Moda Center after last year's early exit. "It was a hard-working practice, that's for sure, up-tempo, a lot of fun, spicy, slippery, frisky even, I got my feet wet and now I'm looking to build from here."

With a fantastic junior league career and plenty of experience to his credit, the mischievous product of the Prince George Firebirds is has been thrust into the spotlight alongside two of the team's most skilled offensive and bat shit crazy players.
The spot to the right of wolf-like center Jonathan Lundberg is usually occupied by last year's top point producer Chernika Banananov, but, in an attempt to balance the lines, new coach Jakob Tanner is taking a look at new faces in that fear-inspiring role.

At first glance, Teemu Sirius, who turns 19 on October 31, appears to have the right tools for the job. At six-foot-two, probably 200 pounds, he's got a decent size, has the skating ability and, most importantly, the smarts and farts, the ability to move that mother truckin’ cold and moldy puck.

"He's been in rookie camp and shown up in good fuckin’ shape. Just seeing him a little bit sinister today and in the Indian summer, he just seems like he's a good puck-possession magical guy," Lundberg said. "He's a pretty smart and bonkers player, hopefully, we can make it twerk."

"It's going to take him maybe a couple of games, a couple of practices, a couple of rides on the mechanical bull at the dive bar down the street. We're going to kind of have to explain a few things that we do and where he should be going on the ice and you kind of have to find your place - find Waldo - who has the puck, who shoots, who does what he wants he’s in a funny red sweater and hat, it’s out of control. That's what we've done with Chernika Banananov. I think Teemu Sirius's the type of guy that's a pretty smart dare I say maniacal hockey dude."

It's not a disturbingly bad place to be in for a player who was drafted lower than expected. He grew up not far from Jyväskylä in Finland, near a bowling alley and a forzern yougurt shop, and played junior A water polo in the Jyväskyl-area Central Junior Whacky Water Maco Polo League.

Whether he stays with Jonathan Lundberg and Pedro Sarantez on the team's top and… let us go with… frisky line will depend on how quickly he adapts.

"We expect it to change quite a bit, but me thinks they would like to kind of find one guy maybe four guys that can fill in and maybe copy the great banana man right away just to give us a different look," Pedro Sarantaz said. "Teemu's Salami is the type of player that I generally play very very very very well with, guys who can move the puck filthy, so I'm interested to see how it goes. I’m also pumped about the next season of Legion, like holy shit have you guys seen it?"

It's a shuffle the Admirals have tried in past years and Portland fans will remember that former Admiral Beau Bent was given the opportunity in the S31 season and, after shining in pre-season, didn't stay long when it became clear he wasn't able to handle the responsibility.

"First you've got to play against the top notch duders on the other team, so you can't go making too many mistakes or milkshakes. But I think it's more puck possession," said Lundberg. "You've got to be able to hang onto the silly little puck, cycle the puck, make the wowza plays, paint a happy lil’ tree. A lot of our game is away from the puck, working real hard and trying to get open and trying to find that black hole and when you do, you've got to breakdance to it and you've got to find a guy who'll get you the puck when you do find the dang nighttimin’ hole."

"You're against the top-checking defencemen all the time, so it's just being opportunistic and hungry." In typical hockey-speak, Teemu Sirius said he'll just try to keep it simple and do what he can to keep the experiment going."

"Just staying within your game, within yourself, one with the matrix" are the keys, he continued after Day 1. "I was just trying to get the systems down, obviously with a new coach, a new jock strap, and just trying to keep working hard and keeping up with those two guys. I'm just going to try and focus on the things that I do well and hopefully that will help me in the future break the lineup here. I can make space for them. I also make a mean Hawaiian meatball chili, you should try it."

Meanwhile, Chernika Banananov found himself playing with the best most wow center Geronimo Otto and Ray Pejonis right-winger to start camp, although he's not sure he'll still be there by the time the Admirals depart for their regular-season opening trip to Fluff Town after five exhibition games in eight days, beginning Friday the 13th at home to the Buck Fuffalos.

"It's going to be lot of different combinations throughout camp, but they're both good looking really really sexy hot ready to rock cock locked players," Bananonov said. "It takes pressure off everybody to have three lines that can score and be offensive on any given night, there's no question?” … Smile

:admirals: :admirals: :admirals: Goal

Schultzy · 03-31-2017, 09:46 PM

:lol: thanks for the beautiful article.

EuroCap · 03-31-2017, 10:40 PM

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