Hockey is just as mental as it is physical. No matter how much time you spend in the gym, if you're mentally weak, you'll never survive on the ice. So can we allow the Thunder Bay piss ice knowing of the reek it must cause and the effect that reek has on players’ mentalities?

From 2003 to 2006, the Gonzaga Bulldogs' basketball team had a well-known small forward, Adam Morrison. He was renowned in the college basketball world and found lots of success during his time with Gonzaga, but he also gained fame for an odd trait, smelling horrible. He reportedly refused to shower, chewed tobacco all the time, and wore the same polo shirt multiple days in a row without a wash. Jared Dudley, a former NBA journeyman, said that Adam Morrison should be "ashamed" about his scent. So if this one smelly man has stuck in a professional basketball player's mind so much, imagine the effect an entire arena has on its players.

Now this advantage may not seem large, you may say that since Thunder Bay also has to play on the same ice it's fair but I'm sure by this point the Walleye are used to it, plus, Walleye come from fish piss filled water so the effect the piss bowl has on the other teams is clearly more than what it has on the Walleye. Your second point might be that Adam Morrison didn't have any success outside of college but have you considered that that was because none of his teams believed in his genius? Possibly, he tried to turn the Charlotte Bobcats into the smelliest team in the NBA, but when they turned him down, he lost confidence. I think everyone is in on it in Thunder Bay, they believe in the piss bowl and the piss bowl believes in them.

Now at this point, you may scramble for excuses, “Le Thrill, Thunder Bay is last in the league, does it really matter if they have this competitive advantage?” and “Le Thrill, FHM doesn’t have a built-in smell mechanic that could possibly make players perform worse in bad smelling stadiums.” And to that, I say shut up.

Now we've dealt with the possible competitive effect it may have, but let's get into the danger. Pee is known for attracting different insects, it also attracts mosquitoes. Mosquitos carry malaria which means the Piss Bowl could be the starting place of the first-ever SHL plague. Beyond that, bears are also attracted to urine, and I'm pretty sure at least 40% of people here would try to pet a bear if they were confronted by it. So if we're not dying from malaria, we're being mauled to death by bears, when does it end? Also, according to the New York State Department of Health, long exposure to bad smells can lead to anxiety and stress. Is this really what we want to be doing to the youth of our league? The new generations who could’ve been great but had their playing time cut short due to this monstrous piss bowl? I think not.

Now maybe this is all nothing, and maybe the piss bowl is fine. But in a few seasons, when every player in the SMJHL has malaria, missing limbs, and depression, don't come crying to me because I warned you. I think the head office should immediately force Thunder Bay to change stadiums or at least dilute the pee somewhat on the ice. And NO, I'm not salty about them beating us in a live sim. That has NOTHING to do with it at all!

Fin.

k, bye

Fin

sig credit to myself, graphic design is my passion

Dana Katherine Celly - S82 and on

Team History:

Slip McScruff - S44 to S81

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