No To The Lone Star State

Xander Green just spent his first season in Prince George, British Columbia and he has liked Canada so far. The weather is not hot and reminds him of cloudy and wet England at home. When looking at the draft lottery he noticed that only a few teams had lottery picks this year. And even though some might feel it's cocky to say, but he does not see himself drop outside of the lottery picks.

The lottery picks this year are for the Buffalo Stampede (1), New England Wolfpack (2), Hamilton Steelhawks (2) and Texas Renegades (1). When he saw that, he actually scared himself a bit? Texas? Really? And even at the highest odds of winning the lottery. He just does not seem this franchise as a right fit for him, he can't stand the state. There are enough reasons why a person should not want to play in Texas. So let's have a look.


Housing.

Housing in Texas is nothing to write home about. Most of the Texans actually live in trailers. If you don't believe me, you should visit the state sometimes. You will be surprised how many trailers there are. And it aren't even good looking trailers. The paint is chipped off, the windows are broken, doors are lacking. And they are all clumped together and there is tons of garbage all over their yards. In fact, here is a picture of how an average member of the Texas Renegades lives:



You can't expect a classy Englishman to live in a dump like that and living with the entire families of the Texas members. They probably house all of their brothers, sisters and redneck kids in there and are feeding everyone on food stamps and welfare checks. Nope, not my style.



Climate.

When you think of Englands weather, it is considered hot there when its 77 degrees fathrenheit. And if an Englishman thinks that is hot already, then why should they even consider visiting Texas. Texas is like a desert, every day it's like 130 degrees with 100% humidity and it never gets colder then 90 degrees in the winter.



You get the point, it's hot in Texas. If people living in Texas would spend a week in England, they would not survive, they would have to dress up like eskimos or club some seals for a warm winter jacket. You can cloth yourself for cold weather? But heat? No way, I would have to run without clothes to compensate? Nope, that won't work either, because of our pale English skin we would get burned in no time. Next to housing, the weather is another thing keeping me out of Texas.


Music


We Englishman listen to all kinds of music, from boybands to singer/songwriters to girlbands. Indeed we listen to commercial shitty pop music, and we like it that way. We even listen to one Peter Andre song a day by law. What we don't like is Country Music. And guess what. Texans always seem to listen to country music. Billie Ray Cyrus his achy breaky heart is all they practically listen to.



I do not want to hear music about how someone's father had your mother, your mother had your brother and that your father is now mad that your mother is now your lover. And that's all they sing about. That and booze and pick up trucks, tractors and whiskey. Yes they are all rednecks, all have incest and live on farms or trailers. But you do not have to bother us with it by making music about it. I love music, but if I would have to live in Texas and hear that shit all day, I would not survive.


Sports

As an English man, I love myself some football. Liverpool FC is and always has been my team. Even though we always lose when we are playing shitty teams like Hull City and AFC Bournemouth, I will never walk alone. Football is passion, love and life all in one. It's a truly majestic game. But when you are talking about football in Texas, they instantly refer to that handegg stuff that they throw in the air and run accross a field with. And they are so idiotic about it too. They all claim their team, the Dallas Cowboys is 'Americas Team'. Well guess again guys. There are a lot of teams in America, so they are ALL America's team. You do not play against Canada or Mexico. All teams are American, not just your precious little cowboys. And then I like myself a good Formula 1 race as well, but when I would look at racing in Texas, the only thing they would talk about is Nascar. 'What is the next corner? ' - Left. 'What is the next corner? ' - Left. 'What is the next corner? ' - Left. 'What is the next corner? ' - Left. and that is just for one round. They do this for hours. It are just 43 cars making left turns hundreds of times, filling their tanks, changing their tires and do it again. Where is the fun in that? We want to see challenging corners and some variety in our races, but that is something we just won't see here. I wonder if a Texan would need to make a right turn, if they are even able to do this. Or just make three left turns in the hope to eventually make their destination. If I would put this sign up in Texas doomsday would break out:




Accents

Us Englishman speak very sophisticated, but when you would be in Texas you can't have a normal conversation without having to be annoyed by their annoying accent. Ever watched the show True Blood? I couldn't get through one episode of that let alone live alongside people that talk like that. It's loud, obnoxious and it's sound like shit. Why couldn't Texans just talk like normal people. No one wants to hear them speak like they do. They would rather hear people using words. Words that they could understand. Instead of all that annoying redneck ramblings.




No Texas is really nothing for a player like me and I wouldn't want to play there even if it made me Lebron James amount of money. Luckily we can spend 5 seasons in juniors, so I could just stick in Prince George for the time being, just to sit out my time and reach the unrestricted free agent status to get the hell out of that godforsaken place.


Words: 1095

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Former players:
Ivo Willems (S9 SMJHL) (S10-28 SHL)  
Xander Green  (S33-35 SMJHL) (S36-47 SHL)
Vorian Atreides (S49-51 SMJHL) (S52-61 SHL)

Nice article!

https://www.twitch.tv/symmetrikal

Katharina Rosenthal || G || Winnipeg Aurora || 946 TPE ||
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 154 lbs

Christian Kinsinger || D || Retired || 2042 Peak TPE ||
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 212 lbs

Luca Veccelli || C || Retired || 1093 Peak TPE ||
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 208 lbs

Chris York || RW || Retired || 1817 Peak TPE || HOF ||
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 184 lbs

Prince George Firebirds GM (S34-S36)
Toronto North Stars GM (S37-S43)

Dallas Cowboys >

Originally posted by Insayne@Mar 17 2017, 09:17 AM
Dallas Cowboys >

bitch disgosting

Need a sig :-/

You call yourself Englishman and give temperature in Fahrenheit

Get your act straight

Great article

Originally posted by ThePandava@Mar 17 2017, 04:07 PM
You call yourself Englishman and give temperature in Fahrenheit 

Get your act straight 

Great article

I even had to look up these numbers as I calculated them from celsius, but fahrenheit looked more extreme to me due the higher used numbers.

Update Thread - Player Page
Update Scale

Former players:
Ivo Willems (S9 SMJHL) (S10-28 SHL)  
Xander Green  (S33-35 SMJHL) (S36-47 SHL)
Vorian Atreides (S49-51 SMJHL) (S52-61 SHL)

I'm Rick James, bitch, and I disapprove of this message.

Perhaps you'll find the DFW airport suitable for keeping yo ass out of my town? :lol:

<div align="center"> </div>

Originally posted by RHolder71@Mar 18 2017, 12:02 AM
[b]I'm Rick James, bitch, and I disapprove of this message.

Perhaps you'll find the DFW airport suitable for keeping yo ass out of my town?&nbsp; &nbsp; :lol:&nbsp;

<div align="center"> </div>[/b]

Can somebody translate the redneck's message?

Update Thread - Player Page
Update Scale

Former players:
Ivo Willems (S9 SMJHL) (S10-28 SHL)  
Xander Green  (S33-35 SMJHL) (S36-47 SHL)
Vorian Atreides (S49-51 SMJHL) (S52-61 SHL)

No interpretation needed, you say no to the lone star state, but we don't know who you are............. Thanks I guess.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, doubt you were ever on their radar

Originally posted by Insayne@Mar 17 2017, 09:17 AM
Dallas Cowboys >

Hell yeah. You're getting an uprep for that one.

How about them Cowboys!

trading up to draft you. really great pitch

Player Page || Update Page

Originally posted by Slappydoodle@Mar 17 2017, 07:01 PM



Hell yeah. You're getting an uprep for that one.

How about them Cowboys!&nbsp;

Originally posted by Bojo@Mar 17 2017, 04:41 PM

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