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~~Marmelad~~ · 03-09-2025, 07:17 AM

Regret posting this post

***Raf_TML*** · 03-09-2025, 07:40 AM

This post's existence proves that you have not decided to change anything. People aren't going to turn around and give you "another chance" just because you say you aren't homophobic anymore. Blaming people who are consistently marginalized and attacked and saying they are "just as bad" does nothing but harm your argument. A sincere apology (NOT this) would do you wonders rather than whatever this is.

Also, I saw you bring a backup account into the SHL discord server, not exactly subtle. Don't even know what you plan on doing with that. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

*kahri* · 03-09-2025, 07:45 AM

I am someone who believes in second chances especially if the person is wanting to learn and grow. But you also need to recognize that the behavior you had makes a lot of people (myself included) very uncomfortable and they don’t want to be around it.

This is not something you wake up one day and just decide “I am no longer homophobic”. It involves actually change of educating yourself because there is a massive difference “i won’t speak on it but i still don’t respect” vs “I respect and accept and understand”.

You are young so I do truly hope you learn and grow from this. But also SHL is a place for everyone and everyone deserves to feel safe. BUT everyone does not include those with hateful mindsets and comments

Chris · 03-09-2025, 10:10 AM

Tisk tisk tisk
Put em in time-out

***sköldpaddor*** · 03-09-2025, 10:43 AM

Hey man - I wish that in all of the random people you reached out to about this, you'd messaged me, because I think maybe as much as anyone on this site can, I can understand where you're coming from here and how to move forward if you genuinely want to.

I was raised in an extremely conservative religious sub-sect (about as culty as you can get without being an actual cult, if we are being honest). I was brought up believing that being anything other than the good straight christian girl I was supposed to be would send me straight to hell, and while I didn't go around preaching that at others, I certainly believed it. I was extremely lucky, in a way, because the isolation meant I found the internet a little later than some people my age, and my bigotry was never broadcast to large internet communities the way people have the chance of immortalizing their youthful ignorance these days.

I say all of this to tell you that I have been there. I know how hard it is to open your mind to ideals and life experiences that you've been told your whole life are wrong. Being taught certain things since you were born makes those things incredibly hard to unlearn. It is work. Work for you, and work for the people who have to educate you. And just like with any other work, that isn't work you can just demand people do for you if they don't want to, if they aren't able to. And that's kind of what you're doing here, demanding that people give you a second chance to "prove" that they're better people, as if LGBTQ+ people are just as bad as your bigoted statements because they don't have it in them to educate another person who's straight up told them that their very existence is something that makes people uncomfortable. That's not how it works.

I know that you're young, and if you want to grow and learn about this, there is still plenty of time to do that! I learned a lot once I got out of the environment I was raised in, but I honestly didn't get fully shaken out of my own bigotry until I was halfway through college and I had realized I was bisexual myself and that I would have to come to terms with that or spend my whole life in miserable, depressed denial. There's always time, until you're dead, and if you really, truly want to educate yourself and grow, there will always be people willing to help you on that journey.

But you have to let people choose to help you. You have to be polite, and respectful, and recognize that your actions have harmed people, and you cannot demand that people give you their time and effort by implying they are bad people for not doing so. Everyone has been on their own journey in this, and some people have just been through too much to have any patience left for anything but surrounding themselves with people they know will lift them up and support them. That doesn't make them bad people - we are all just giving what we are capable of giving.

If you really, genuinely want to learn and try, my DMs are open. I firmly believe that I, as a queer person who grew up entrenched in bigotry, would not be alive today if it weren't for the kindness and patience and time that people had taken to educate me, and I do have the energy and willingness to educate, provided people do genuinely want to learn. I will answer questions, I will not judge you if they're inadvertently offensive, and if you're ever not sure if something is going to be offensive, I'm happy to help with that too. (Jag kan också försöka prata på svenska, men jag är inte så bra på det Smile

).

At the end of the day, though, that education starts with the right motivation. You can't go into it looking at it like "this is what I have to do to make these people stop being mean to me about my bigotry" - you have to be genuinely open to the fact that some of the things you have been taught, some of the things you have been raised believing, might be wrong, might be hateful. We cannot control the way we are raised, I know that as well as anybody. But where you go from there, the work you're willing to put in to grow from that, that's all you, that's where you get to decide what you believe, and how you're willing to change.

If the answer is "not at all, I just want people to leave me alone now that I've told them their very existence makes me uncomfortable" - this is not the community for you. This is a community where we have put years of work and tears and walls of text like this one into making this a place where LGBTQ+ people, women, people of color, other marginalized groups who are traditionally excluded and othered in sports, can feel welcome and safe, and we are determined to keep it that way. If you want to learn, my DMs are open. If you just want people to get off your back about being homophobic, the exit is also open.

Fantobens · 03-09-2025, 11:32 AM

03-09-2025, 07:17 AMMarmelad Wrote: If you're going to keep freezing and ignoring me because I made a big mistake. Then you're just as bad people as you think I am, if not almost an entire community of hockey loving people. Can't give a person another chance I've talked to people from HO and I've said that I understand that I've made a mistake and that I'll change my view of LGBTQ people.

But if no one is willing to give me a second chance then you're just as bad as me because you'd rather freeze a person out.

I've tried to apologize but no one seems to want to accept it. (I have dyslexia and English is not my native language so I wrote a basic text and then I asked AI to make it more professional and to get the correct grammar in the text).

So if you want to be better people than me you should give me another chance.

(Not AI generated)

You seem young. So most of us will give you the benifit of the doubt for being stupid. The first time. Them you spent over a day doubling down, and now you want to apologize. The only honesty you have given was hate. While you are free to speak you mind and have shitty opinions in a public space, this is not one. You have work to do on yourself. We have all worked on ourselves throughout our lives, shit I just got corrected the other day.

You are obviously young and naive, you aren’t the first and you certainly won’t be the last.

You have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with everyone else.

Golden rule buddy.

Get your shit together. Pretend hockey isn’t that important. What is important is being able to function in an ever changing society as we get older and wiser. That’s what you need to work on.

Not half assed ai apologies to a group of strangers.

100% Ai generated.

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