P2:

"As a player who is not known for their offensive chops, every situation in every game is stressful to me," Calgary Dragons defenseman Eero Makela admitted. "Sometimes I wonder if I should retire from ice hockey and take up real estate, or maybe be a receptionist at a small, rural dental office somewhere. This shit is so bad for my health."

When prodded for more details by the assembled reporters, Makela expounded on his comments. "I mean, look. If we're in a tie game, it's all I can do to help my goalie out to keep it tied. It feels like if I make a mistake, the puck is gonna end up in our net. If we're ahead by one, it feels like if I make a mistake, the puck is gonna end up in our net. And Jesus Christ, man, don't get me started on the pressure when we're behind by one. Can you imagine being the guy who has to skate to the bench to greet the rest of his team after a bad giveaway leads to your team being down by two? Holy shit."