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JSS · 02-02-2019, 12:30 PM

It’s been a while since I’ve taken some sweet time out of my day to talk to my friends over in Detroit. Ah yes, the Falcons. A team I once admired. What happened to you, Detroit? There was so much promise back in the day. You had so many chances to get better and bring in hungry talent. Instead, you bring in a Smeb. I get it, I really do. You’re scared of personality. You’re scared of something different. It’s almost as if fate has brought us here to meet in the 2nd round.

Let’s get something real fuckin straight right now. I don’t like you Detroit. I see zero redeemable qualities about you. So you’re number 1 seed. Congratulations you can hang that banner right next to your participation trophies. You haven’t played us in a long time. Last time you played us was in the midst of our growing pains. We didn’t have an Ethan Ross, or Gaspard Boone or Thomas Bathory. Those are the definition of game changers. Oh and by the way, we beat you once without them, and we’ll beat you four times with them.

I can talk as much shit about you as possible, and trust me I will, but I think I’ll let my teammates do some of the talking for once. This isn’t a rogue, loose cannon “oh haha Troy’s being drunk Troy again” type of thing. This is pure, unadulterated hate.

First up is my boy Perry Morgan who I have ZERO ISSUES WITH.

"I heard someone in upper management shit talk them and figured I'd join on the hate train. Also certain players have been absolute twats on social media"

I have no idea what he may be referring to. Hmm. Interesting.

Next up is my boy Andrej Doskocil who I still need to take on a drinking trip.

“Hippo, nice of you to bring your own lube, at least I don't have to pay for it myself"

Personally, when I think of this series, I didn’t think of bringing lube because I wanted it to be painful for Detroit. Then again I’m a wee bit fooked in the head.

And the face of our franchise Jimmy Slothface weighed in too.

“The only thing more broke than the city of Detroit is the Falcons' roster”

Can confirm, the Falcons’ roster makes Sears look like a thriving business.

Listen, I think you get the picture. The fact that we’re gonna share the ice with you makes me sad. An entire city of suffering, hard working people now have hope in you. And what do you do when you have hope in Detroit? You fail. It’s a fact of life. I used to think, “man Detroit could use something like the Deplorables again”. And then you all came along and I remember why everyone hated me for rooting for the Falcons. I get it now. I was the asshole all along.

I mean this from the bottom of my heart, we are going to demoralize you from the beginning. And you’ll deserve every bit of it. To quote the master poets Taking Back Sunday, “I just wanna break you down so badly, in the worst way”. The best part will be how you can explain to the SHL GMs why you lost to a lowly 9 seed. The only answer you can have is “that’s the best damn 9 seed you’ll ever see” because that’s what we fuckin are. Be blessed to share the ice with us. Feel an amount of pride in facing us that matches the amount of disgust I feel in playing you. It’s okay if you can’t find an explanation for losing to us, I’m sure there’s one GM that will still take you.

Kit Smeb, I said it earlier and I’ll say it again. Out of the family of feral creatures that infested this league, you are the one I despise most. Detroit picked you so far ahead and yet, I’m not impressed with your performance. I’m sure you’ll come back with a quip about my lack of regular season production, but let’s remember that I’ve got 2 game winners in the first round alone. When the deck is stacked against us, we thrive. You haven’t been tested and I have a feeling you’ll falter just like Anaheim. Kit you’re going to go crying back to Mama Smeb and tell her what all those big bad Raiders did to make you sob like a child who lost their favorite toy.

And Hippo, you’re gonna need more than lube to keep this from being painful. The salt mines in Detroit seem to be the best business running there. You would think a first place team wouldn’t have much to complain about, yet I keep hearing these rumbling stories about you all. It all catches up with you eventually. It’ll be a pleasure to knock you out of the playoffs, pull out the upset of the ages, and watch the salt explode from Detroit as if Krakatoa was erupting again.

At least I felt respect for Anaheim when we beat them. I can’t say the same here.

Troy Reynolds
Raiders Right Winger
There’s No Joke Here

*slothfacekilla* · 02-02-2019, 12:32 PM

Hm we must have a bye in the next round

***Citizen of Adraa*** · 02-02-2019, 12:35 PM

GG Detroit, was fun

Flareon · 02-02-2019, 12:35 PM

Detroit your trash talk game is weaker than my 102 year old great grandma

Heck at least she doesn't resort to spearing on the ice

That golf with friends one was pretty funny though I'll give you that

Mayuu · 02-02-2019, 12:43 PM

02-02-2019, 12:35 PMFlareon4043 Wrote: Detroit your trash talk game is weaker than my 102 year old great grandma

Heck at least she doesn't resort to spearing on the ice

That golf with friends one was pretty funny though I'll give you that

You're a loose butthole

RETIRED

xDParK · 02-02-2019, 12:44 PM

A Smeb is guaranteed to be in the finals

Kit vs the rest of the fam

ArGarBarGar · 02-02-2019, 01:12 PM

Beating Montreal in the playoffs be like:

[Image: 12925655.jpg]

Alonzo Garbanzo Final Tallies (Among Defensemen):
2nd in Goals (208), All-Time Assists Leader (765)*, All-Time Points Leader (973), 3rd in Hits (2587), All-Time Blocked Shots Leader (1882)*
*All-Time Leader Among All Skaters
Player Profile | Update Thread
[Image: IeEV7Iv.png]

*Tomen* · 02-02-2019, 01:16 PM

02-02-2019, 01:12 PMArGarBarGar Wrote: Beating Montreal in the playoffs be like:

that's how I feel about ANC.

Thank you all for the amazing sigs & player cards
Germany

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