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fgh · 03-25-2017, 02:34 AM

Viatcheslav Orlov sits in silence at the front of the press room. One reporter, a seasoned veteran from Boston that should know better, asked the question, "Orlov, your team got swept in the 1st round. What would you have done if you had done better this year and won the Cup?" The rest of the room is as quiet as the questioned player, stunned that someone would rub that much salt into what appeared to be a fresh wound.

"Well, thanks for the opportunity to talk optimistically about next season," said Orlov to the surprise of the media field. "I haven't thought about it much, mainly because we haven't made it to the Cup finals in my lifetime. I guess this story starts off rather weirdly..." He trails off, noticeably disturbed. "Everyone gets to do whatever they want with the Cup, right?" he asks with a Grinch-ish smile.

"Technically, yes," responded the naive reporter, hoping this question wouldn't make him lose his job.

"Well then," Orlov grinned, "I'll start with my morning skate, practicing strength and Puck Handling by using Mikey McFadden's stick to move the Cup down the ice as I make my laps." This followed silence, not in terror, but the press scribbling every scandalous word. "Then, once the Cup is in net, I'll start shoot-around. Hope my aim's ok, wouldn't want to dent a famous HoF name like, I don't know, Daniel Merica or even Steven Jalopski."

More silence abounded, deafening those suspended in this travesty. "But what about respect for the Cup, surely you want to..."

"Respect?! Respect for what, the same 2 teams winning every year I've worked for the Cup? Fuck no," he bellowed, drawing some eyes from their legal pads for a moment before scrawling the next inflammatory statement.

"I respect the others on that Cup. Lauris Prikulis, Dean Colt, Chris Partlow? Those are gods in my Cup History book. I'd never tarnish them. That's why I hope the shootaround is good for me and the Cup. I guess you can take this as I'm salty as fuck I haven't won a Cup, so great question."

Orlov flipped the podium before taking no other questions and storming down the hall from whence he came. Not a great weekend start for any pro athlete.

kit · 03-25-2017, 02:45 AM

Disgrace.

CFJ · 03-25-2017, 01:39 PM

Orlov still hasn't re cooprated from the swift kick to the balls that Zina gave him in Space Mountain 2.0 Part 3.

Thanks to prettyburn, TML, Carpy, JNH, Jepox, Engi, Karey, Flappy, Skolpadder, Mook, DollarAndADream, Smirnov and Toe for the sigs.

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Crossfit's First Career SHL Goal, 4. Manhattan Rage , Crossfit Jesus 1 (Pedro Sarantez, Nucky Toohoots) at 5:51

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Devitt's First Career SHL Goal, 5. Calgary Dragons , Prince Devitt 1 (Barry Batsbak 21, Mike Izzy 14) at 10:43

fgh · 03-25-2017, 01:52 PM

Quote:Originally posted by Crossfit Jesus@Mar 25 2017, 11:39 AM
Orlov still hasn't re cooprated from the swift kick to the balls that Zina gave him in Space Mountain 2.0 Part 3.

When did I go to Disneyland? Fucking Stolichnaya balckouts

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