Quote:CREATIVE PROMPT- Hockey don't pay like it used to! You find yourself picking up part-time work at your local newspaper, and somehow you've landed the advice column! This week the letter you have to respond to is... strange.
Written Task:  Give an advice column style response to this person's submission! Will you actually be helpful? Who cares! Nobody reads the local paper anymore! You can answer however you like!

Quote:
"Hey advice column! I'll cut right to the chase because frankly, this is urgent. I have 60+ live horseshoe crabs in my car, just sort of scuttling and wriggling around in there. I cannot get them out. The car is an '09 Camaro. It's a beautiful car but it is full of crabs. When I try to open the door, they band together and hold it closed. They are too strong. One time they rolled down the window and beckoned me over-- when I stuck my head in, they snipped me on the nose and rolled it back up! Now my nose is big and red. It is a nightmare. What can I do? Signed: Crab Camaro in Concord, NH."

(150+ words)

Hey Crab Camaro, thanks for reaching out.

The first thing you need to do is get a sense of the kind of crabs that you're dealing with. To start, try and make friends with one of the crabs. Maybe you can slip some cash through a cracked window, or compliment it on the way it scuttles and wriggles.
Then, you start passing notes to and from this new ally crab on the other crab's biggest weaknesses. Are they ashamed about their claws? Is their shell not as shiny and brilliant as they'd like?

Use this information to start throwing out insults to these crabs, to the point where they break down and cry. While they are weeping, open the door and start shoveling them out. Leave your ally crab in there as a reward for loyalty.

Now you have a camaro with only one crab in it, and a bunch of depressed crabs on the outside. Here's where you actually prove that you aren't just an asshole that cares more about his car than the feelings of the crabs around him: it's time to build those crabs back up.

Remember those weaknesses? Start helping the crabs come to terms with their own insecurities. Teach the ones self-conscious about their scuttling to do it better, or hook them up with more capable crabs for lessons. Buy some wax for the crabs that think their shells aren't shiny enough. In general, uplift them. At a certain point, you'll have a camaro surrounded by a bunch of happy crabs, with a single crab inside that you just know is ride or die.