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Tesla · 09-13-2022, 02:12 PM

Creative Prompt: Hello Crab Camaro! I did a bit of digging based on your location of Concord New Hampshire and can tell you that you are probably dealing with the Atlantic horseshoe crab based on the ranges of the four extant species of horseshoe crab that I was able to find. The bad news for you regarding them is that they have a pretty good range of survivable temperatures so short of setting the car on fire or towing it into a refrigerated environment you are unlikely to be able to deal with them that way. Admittedly if you are comfortable setting fire to the car that would be the easiest way to go about solving the problem and I think a good fire is worth wasting your Camaro. On a positive alternative option though I did discover that they can only survive out of water for about four days so if you can dry out the car for a week you should be able to effectively starve them to death and be good to go other than clearing out some corpses. From there we all have experience cleaning out dozens of corpses from our car right? Best of luck to you Crab Camaro!

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Wearingabear · 09-13-2022, 03:58 PM

Quote:
"Hey advice column! I'll cut right to the chase because frankly, this is urgent. I have 60+ live horseshoe crabs in my car, just sort of scuttling and wriggling around in there. I cannot get them out. The car is an '09 Camaro. It's a beautiful car but it is full of crabs. When I try to open the door, they band together and hold it closed. They are too strong. One time they rolled down the window and beckoned me over-- when I stuck my head in, they snipped me on the nose and rolled it back up! Now my nose is big and red. It is a nightmare. What can I do? Signed: Crab Camaro in Concord, NH."

Hello Crab Camaro from Concord, New Hampshire. While over the years we have gotten a myriad of different issues that need our semi-expert advice on, this one hits a little different. I normally don't question how things happen, and try to stay objective on how to solve the issue. However, the question everyone reading this is asking is: "How did they end up in your car when you're over 45 miles away from the coast?" Not to mention that the Merrimack River runs even longer before it hits the coast line there. So up river transportation is out of the questions. The best advice I can give, is to drive yourself, (er tow the car) to the nearest Pharmaceutical Laboratory, and sell those alien looking spider relatives. That blue blood will net you way more than it will take to tow the car, and then buy a new car. I suggest going to MA or ME to accomplish this, you can hot box the car using a gravity bong and an air pump to get those suckers nice and ripped and relaxed. Once they relax a bit, you'll be able to take them in and demand money for that precious blue blood. Done and Done. Have fun!

***jaypc8237*** · 09-13-2022, 04:27 PM

This will be my first ever season in the SHL. I would not be the one handing out any of the information, but the one recieving it. Last season, right before my call-up to the SHL, I was traded from the New England Wolfpack to the Edmonton Blizzard. A newbie like me would seek out as much advice as I can from my teammates, but in a snese, I can help dish out a bit. I was born in this are, and grew up watching the Blizzard. I may know nothing about the lockerrooms and player area's, but be sure that I know all of the best food locations in the building, the best mini-stick area's, the biggest team shop with the best prices, and the best place to go hand out signatures to all the kids who cam to watch us play, my favourite part of my job.

Jayden Cloutier

***blix900*** · 09-13-2022, 06:01 PM

PT Pass

.Laser · 09-13-2022, 07:29 PM

Dear Crab Camaro in Concord, NH:

Firstly, my suggestion would be to seek professional assistance with your quite interesting dilemma. Frankly, I would beg that you seek psychiatric and therapeutic help as the likelihood of your story being true are slim to none and I genuinely worry for the wellbeing of yourself and your family. I don't know the cause or reason of the hallucination that there are 60+ horseshoe crabs in your Camaro, but I am certain that a hallucination it is, as horseshoe crabs cannot snip people on the nose or on any other appendage, seeing as they do not have any body parts capable of committing the act of snipping. My best bet as to the reason for your red and swollen nose is that in a state of stupor from your hallucination, you bounced your schnozz off the window of the car and the sheer impact force nearly broke your nose. As for the door being locked and held closed at all times, I would suggest finding the key or keys for the car and unlocking the door, then once again attempting to open the door. You may be shocked to find that it will open straightaway.

But genuinely - seek a psychiatrist or therapist and cease and desist consumption of any recreational drugs posthaste.

Signed, Laser Larry

Thanks to EAB and sulovien for the sigs!

C9Van · 09-13-2022, 07:56 PM

Even though I am technically a baby with this player I have been in the Sim Hockey League over 3+ years now so the best advice I can probably give someone like Aneeq is basically this is not a sprint. At all. It is a marathon, maybe not as much as it used to be considering they finally added a good regression system but overall it still takes a lot time of consistent updates to really get to where you want to be.

The goal really is to get your player online and earning as much TPE as possible means you will be able to get as many stats as possible and even eventually join the 2K Club and just hopefully go for awards and other stuff. Get excited when you can in the early years and then enjoy the prime if possible. Max earning is easier said than done for people as they struggle to do so in multiple leagues so another tip would be organise better with your free time.

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***Sburbine*** · 09-13-2022, 09:11 PM

Player Prompt
For you first ever season on this team and in the big boy SHL, you have to start a conversation with and listen to everyone on the team. You're new and people might not respect you at first but as long listen and let people tell their stories then they'll open up to you and we'll all be part of a close team. These are you teammates, they are your brothers and sisters on the ice and you should know them well and trust each other. We maybe all be from different backgrounds (I mean we got two professional hockey playing puppets on our team how does that happen). Our diverse backgrounds make us a stronger team. Of course out of all else, listen to the coaches and GMs, maybe you don't need to know their backgrounds and stories but you definitely need to do what they say. You don't want to get on their bad side and get traded when you know we're about to win a cup.

**RomanesEuntDomus** · 09-13-2022, 09:48 PM

I think there is a lot of advice you can give to a young player that is entering the league and, by extension, the locker room for the first time. It is always quite the tough balance for a rookie to hit, on the one hand you want to be honest and respectful and sometimes you are just in awe when you suddenly sit in the stall next to one of your childhood heroes. But then on the other hand you don't want to be a pushover either, you need to be assertive early on, show what you are made of and fight for your spot on the team and opportunities in game time situations - all the while still developing as a person and growing up at an age where most other people are just starting college. So my advice would be to try to find the sweetspot here as soon as possible, always be respectful and friendly not just to your teammates but to staff and arena personell as well while at the same time trusting in your abilities and developing some healthy confidence.

***hotdog*** · 09-13-2022, 09:56 PM

some advice i would give to anyone joining the atlanta inferno as a newbie would be to just roll with it - the team seemingly has some odd obsessions and the best way to mesh is just to roll with those oddities. they talk a ton about the grinch and grinch related stuff and they call lots of things grinches - it's fine, hop on the grinch train. they love otters and have certain times of day where you can only say otter stuff, again just go with it if you want them to love you for you who are. if they talk about their dick being flat and arms being up, tell them they will win the challenge cup. hell even bring your own odd obsession to the table i'm sure they'll eat it up and join on in. their players include a penguin and an eel and previously an otter and a weird guy and a duck and a binko even. go along for the ride, even if it seems weird, and the dividends you reap will be enormous

Marcul_le_depanneur · 09-13-2022, 10:09 PM

Player Prompt – Written Task

As a third-year player in Regina’s locker room, I’m beginning to know my way around the locker room and the team in general.

The first thing to know for all newcomers is that we have a clear goal of winning it all this season with the awesome team we built in those last years. In doing so, we must train harder than every other team out there, but even more importantly, we must do everything as a team to ensure that we’ll be at our best as a team out there. This mean that every player victory or lost is the whole team to own. In doing so, the new players coming into our locker room can know that they are welcomed into the Elk’s family!

The second most important thing to know is that the fourth-year players are the only ones in charge of the music, but, if you offer any of them a cup of Tim Horton’s coffee, they’ll gladly let you enter your own songs into the pregame playlist.

*Evil_AllBran* · 09-14-2022, 05:28 AM

Player prompt:

@gurbs @slothfacekilla

[Image: YkVI07c.png]

***Big Newff*** · 09-14-2022, 07:51 AM

Creative Prompt -

After a young career in a local seafood plant it was an easy fix and a helpful had given out on the new article once I read it I knew how and what needed to be done, so firstly, you must go to a local shop and obtain some small material to help build a trap for the crabs to get caught in once u try and open the door, for this you will need some twine, and some metal rods to make a pot trap out of it, once u create this pot and have it ready to hold these crabs then you must find something that will attract them, like a fish or something along similar to that, oh and also u need a jar to hold it in with a couple small holes to left the scent fill the air and grab there attention, once all of this is completed, u tie the jar into the trap youve made and place it next to the car door, open the door and boom they should all fall into it. Once all in there take the trap to a ocean and dump them out and let them enjoy life in the water!

***hhh81*** · 09-14-2022, 08:11 AM

PROMPT 1

Baku was one of the last cuts from Baltimore Platoon training camp, where he impressed. He was aggressive as ever, standing out in 5-on-5 scrimmages and breakout drills, and was a fair bit more developed than other Platoon prospects. Some murmured that he should have made the Platoon roster this coming season. Instead, he returned to Regina for his final season in the SMJHL. There, the faces in the room remained much the same. Two new faces stood out—the rookie goaltender Alexis Texas and fellow S65 standout defender Lord Farquaads. The team had all the pieces to have a very special season, and as preseason looms you could feel it in the room.

Baku is not a person you’d mistake for a traditional leader. He’s boisterous, arrogant, and aggressive, but rookie Alexis Texas got a chance to see him be just that. After a practice where Texas let in a few more goals than she probably should have, Olubori approached her. Dropping his typical loud edge, Baku let the young goalie know she just needs to keep working hard, and the team in front of her would take care of her.

“We are very talented this year; we will look out for you. You do not need to be perfect. Just work hard, and good things will happen.”

After this comment, some of the tension seemed to melt off Texas.

CaptainCamel · 09-14-2022, 09:05 AM

Player Prompt

Unfortunately Atlanta has had to say goodbye to some very dear friends and amazing players this offseason, but of course that means there are new fresh bloods just waiting to prove themselves in the big leagues. While I don't personally know yet who's going to be on the opening night roster fully, Paul Binder will be there to back them up all the way. If things don't go right straight away, that's perfectly fine. Binder has had an extremely "normal" SHL career all seasons he's been in the league until last season. And even then, he was still greatly outshined by the team's biggest stars. But that's okay! If you're having fun and winning games, that's all that matters. Even if you're not making the highlight goals or king of the stats sheets, every shift you're out there you're making a difference. Whether it be a hit, a blocked short, or simply getting in the way of open players on the opposing team, every second you're on the ice counts.

WC - 183

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