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***goldenglutes*** · 11-15-2019, 11:51 PM

Quote:word count: 2000

Guy Zheng's Post and Off Season

Brought to you by Gibberish News with Bog, Log, or Pog

Gather round and listen to what Zheng has been up to since his disappointing season, and my thoughts on his travels and stories. We think that Zheng may have been on some drug or other while telling us these stories, or maybe some combination of all of them. This is because the stories don't really make much sense and don't continue with any sort of coherence. He even lost us at times with his ramblings and far-fetched theories of how the world works. Regardless, here's what he says he's been up to.

Since his team missed the playoffs, Guy Zheng has been having a tough offseason.

"In this offseason, I had to learn to be more disciplined. I went into training every day, but when I came off, I didn't eat anything."

"The team gave me a new diet. It was very strict. I had to eat the meal, drink the drink, but not anything else."

"I was pretty tired when I came off. I thought that I wouldn't have time to practice. It was just not fun at all."

"It was a lot of work. I thought I would lose my motivation. I really did. It was a lot of work. But I got over it. It's not a bad thing. It's part of the preparation of your body. I learned a lot about discipline. It was a big adjustment for me to be a long-term professional athlete — it took me a long time."

"I didn't have much time to practice. I just wanted to do things fast."

"Thinking back to my first few offseasons, when I came to the United States I did a lot of work to prepare. I had some time, but my body wasn't that conditioned. I was very nervous when I first came over, even though it was such a cool place. I was very nervous, and I couldn't even speak English. It was a new life for me."

"I had a great coach in England, a great guy in America, and I had no money. So I would work a lot in my gym and in my house to get me ready. I didn't even eat. I was a bit of an athlete, so I wanted to be as strong as I could be before I came over. I had to have everything. I had to have my body, my mind, all this ready."

"The first few months I did it. And it was very hard! I didn't even speak English, I didn't know what to tell people."

---

In addition to his far-fetched story where an Englishman doesn't know English, Guy regaled us with stories of his non-hockey related activies as well.

He's been trying his hand at various crafts and hobbies like programming and building battle robots. He recently took to the internet to explain what he's been up to. He says he started to build a robot from spare parts. "I found out that there was a large group of people who like to create robots on the internet," he says. "I decided to make one and share it on the internet. People have been very supportive and it's been very interesting to see the reaction of the public." His next goal is to have a fully working, functional battle robot to compete at upcoming competitions, and hopefully get some recognition within the hobby. In the mean time, all we can do is wait and see what the future holds for this crazy young man. The future is indeed bright, we just need to see the robot's first steps into the reality that the world of combat robotics holds, and it will be a glorious ride.

When he's not spending time working on killer robots, Zheng has been putting some work into his cooking skills in some creative ways as well, and documenting it all in his new book.

In an interview with The Telegraph that came shortly after the release of his book, The New Robot Baker from China, Zheng reveals how he's using 3D printers to create an "immortality food" that will keep people alive for centuries.

His invention uses an "immortality system" (a "immortality cookie") that he says "can't be cooked." The idea is that when a person has the Immortality cookie, "they don't feel the need to eat," Zheng says. "The body can have enough energy and so forth without the need to be in the world, not consuming. It's basically a kind of immortality."

For example, if someone has the immortality cookie, they can "just go around the world for the rest of their life, doing whatever they want." A person in the world can't just do things they're doing in the immortality realm -- but they can still enjoy the world and enjoy their "life" without having to worry about how much they'll be eating. The same is true with the world -- one can't enjoy a world of eternal bliss without not caring about how much they eat. He thinks it's possible, but he don't know enough to really think too much about it, because he still doesn't have a firm grasp on what the afterlife actually is. It's possible, but he can't say it's likely either.

He thinks it could be possible for some people, and it could be that a small percentage of people will have the ability to enjoy what is normally a very mundane (at least compared to the afterlife) existence while still eating, though there may be a small but still significant subset of people who can enjoy this. There are people who don't have the ability to do this, but can enjoy the world while still eating. There are also people who don't have the ability to enjoy a world of eternal bliss (or even a world without the ability to eat) and are therefore unable to enjoy it, though there are a few examples in every class, but most of them are not in the class itself. The class of people who can't enjoy the world beyond the point of their own happiness is often called the Unhappy Class. The Unhappy Class (also known as the Unwanted Class or the Class of people who simply don't want to see the joy of the world again) are often described as the class of people who are unhappy in their own existence.

It is usually the case that if you're an unlikable person or a character that isn't the ideal version of themselves, you're not in the Unhappy Class. For instance, it may be considered a good thing to be the most unlikable character in a story, but not if you're doing so while being an Unhappy Class character.

In the original story "The Hero", the protagonist's class is "Famous for their Unpleasantness". They have to suffer the pain of being the main character. They've therefore got to experience the pain of also being an antagonist (which is why the full title of that story is "The Hero of Unpleasantness"). This is more of a change for the purpose of the story than it's actually a change of the original story at all. The hero's character remains the same, just with a different name. That's not actually an original story at all. You can actually go back and find all of these stories that are named like that.

It's almost like it's being a part of the story. But it actually is a different story and it's not original. And if you actually read all of these stories, you'll see that they're not actually original.

It's the same with most other "original" stories that try to do this. They're just pretending to be some original story and they're actually nothing more than a bunch of stories that have been reworked over and over again. The one that comes to mind is a story by the name of "The Little House on the Prairie," which was originally published in a short story anthology. The only reason the story still exists is because some people decided to reread it and make a film out of it. It's an old short story with lots of characters, but it has absolutely nothing unique to it. It's just a bunch of stories reworked over and over. He knows it can be hard to remember stuff that has been rewritten over and over, and it's not really his style. He prefers to see new things and not have to remember things that have been done over and over, so he just ignores those stories. That doesn't mean they weren't original.

Anyway, enough about immortality cookies, unhappiness classes, and unoriginal stories. Guy Zheng then started talking to us about his imaginary soccer career:

Zheng said he got his first taste of the game when his father was a professional soccer player. And he said he always wanted to become a player, to take part in one of the most prestigious sports on the planet.

But, Zheng's story, however entertaining in its own right, didn't end there. After his family's successful career, he was a bit too ambitious.

"I thought I would try and become a professional goalkeeper. I tried hard. I tried for a long time. And I became too ambitious," he explained.

In addition to the goals he missed out on, Zheng added that he had the bad fortune of making more goals than he did saves during his time in soccer.

"It's very frustrating to miss out on scoring goals and saves," Zheng told ESPN FC, via The Star, "because it's something you want your team to do. And it's a lot more satisfying when you do it the right way."

Despite that he had an excellent career in the Premier League, it would be a waste to waste Zheng's potential with a second career. After all, even though he did miss out on a World Cup, there are still plenty of chances for him to play in the tournament. The fact that he's not playing in the tournament doesn't mean he won't be there at some point.

For now, though, he just has to keep getting better, and keep working on his soccer skills. He could eventually play in the next World Cup. It's a long shot, but he's got the talent and the drive to do it. He's done a lot to get to here, and he just has to keep working. I'm glad he's going to keep learning, to keep making progress — it's good for everybody.

---

Guy was very gracious and funny and even asked a lot of questions about what happened in this interview. We had a laugh about that, but I'm glad that some people will be able to enjoy this interview. He didn't take it as seriously as my producer expected, but I didn't expect anything else from him. He's always the one who says, "Hey, I'm not taking that too seriously." I'm not kidding, it's his thing. The best thing to do is to laugh at his jokes (which I hope you guys can do, too!) That concluded our interview with Guy. We were all kinds of speechless after that one, and our producer recommended that next time he stay away from the funny stuff until after the interview is over. Regardless, this interview was at least memorable if nothing else.

Editor's note: If you've made it this far, congratulations. I hope your brain doesn't feel like it's melting from reading all of this word vomit, but if it is, take it easy and try to read something else. Maybe watch an educational video or something to regain brain functionality. I'm not sure what the best course of action is. Regardless thanks for reading my article.

Signatures by Vulfzilla, Jepox, Jess, rum_ham, Ragnar, and myself
[Image: 9vAsr7c.png]

***hotdog*** · 11-16-2019, 02:19 PM

really well-written!

bilbo · 11-17-2019, 01:47 AM

Dang this took a turn I wasn't expecting. Now I want a cookie.

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