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tedlamotors · 11-25-2019, 12:10 AM

Yesterday, I tweeted "Who tryna play some roller hockey while we wait for the season to start?" and noticed 5 people liked it. When I peeped who liked my tweet, I thought, "well wouldn't this be a nice team to put together?". So if I ever catch myself needing a team for roller hockey, here's who I'm bringing out:

C - Ivan Maximus (@thiefofcheese) Outlaws

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Whenever I think of Ivan Maximus, I feel inclined to bring up what he's done his rookie season given the circumstances. But quite frankly, his on-ice play speaks for itself. Dishes out assists for fun, drives play, has a pretty good shot for someone with less than 20 goals, and plays a really good defensive game. If he imagines the puck is cheese, just dump the puck in or even ice it. No point in trying to keep it away from him, honestly.

LW - Collin Gibbles (@SpartanGibbles) Chiefs

With two natural RWs on my team, I had to move one to the left. Not that this would be such a dramatic change, but Collin Gibbles would probably do anything to see the team succeed, especially given the fact he's already had a taste of hardware in his career. Gibbles, like Maximus, is good all-around. One of the perks to having him in my team is that opposing skaters will stare at Anna Kendrick (Gibbles' wife) in the stands and not pay attention to what's going on in the game. I'd expect a couple of freebies here and there off that alone.

RW - Gunnar Söderberg (@sköldpaddor) Barracuda

Waviest player on the team, future multi-MVP award winner, Challenge Cup champion, and GOAT. Not much needed to be said.

D - FR Finn-Rhys (@FinnRhys) Raptors

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There's a reason why this man was voted the best d-man in the SMJHL in S50. It’s probably just
because his name is cool, but nonetheless, the guy is out on the ice in all game states (5v5, PP, PK), rarely takes penalties, gets deployed in a lot of DZ shifts, and picks up a lot of those assist things.

D - Augustus Wang (@Ferda) Armada

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Like Finn-Rhys, Augustus Wang is an incredible point producer, and honestly one of the best d-men of his class. I don’t wanna repeat myself since they have the same style of play, but Wang on the PP is lethal. I bet it’s all the kush he’s smoking, which you can get for 20% off using code WANG20 at shlkush.com.

G - Maxim (Gunnar's dog)

Had to improvise on this one since nobody who liked my tweet played in net. However, from the times I've thrown balls, tree branches (etc.) for Maxim to fetch, he retrieves them lickity split. Reflexes are on point. Put some padding on him, and we might see GSAA and Sv% numbers off the charts. Let's hope PETA doesn't view this move as animal cruelty.

HC - Noah Tedla (@tedlamotors) Chiefs

With great players at my disposal, it's only fair that the team is tactically sound and very fun to watch. None of this trapping up at the NZ and getting the puck 200 ft. deep or any of that terrible passing with incredible shooting talent. In fact, here’s a glimpse of what we’ll be looking like.

Yes, I know this is a mix of SMJHL and SHL players. No, I do not give a flying fuck. We're running through all of your teams, simple as.

TheHockeyist · 11-25-2019, 12:15 AM

Igor punches his computer screen in anger

@tedlamotors Why didn't you invite me? Your best defenseman friend? You know I don't have a Twitter, right? Right?

tedlamotors · 11-25-2019, 12:18 AM

11-25-2019, 12:15 AMTheHockeyist Wrote: Igor punches his computer screen in anger

@tedlamotors Why didn't you invite me? Your best defenseman friend? You know I don't have a Twitter, right? Right?

I'm afraid only nerds don't have Twitter, Mr. Volkov.

TheHockeyist · 11-25-2019, 12:21 AM

11-25-2019, 12:18 AMtedlamotors Wrote:
11-25-2019, 12:15 AMTheHockeyist Wrote: Igor punches his computer screen in anger

@tedlamotors Why didn't you invite me? Your best defenseman friend? You know I don't have a Twitter, right? Right?

I'm afraid only nerds don't have Twitter, Mr. Volkov.

tensing his jaw I will find you in the locker room and BREAK ALL OF YOUR BONES if you don't invite me to your team.

*Ferda* · 11-25-2019, 01:11 AM

so we're not actually playing roller hockey?

wtf

tedlamotors · 11-25-2019, 01:18 AM

11-25-2019, 01:11 AMFerda Wrote: so we're not actually playing roller hockey?

wtf

Blame @hotdog for magically getting things running again when we all wanted a year long lockout

TheHockeyist · 11-25-2019, 01:31 AM

Yes, I wanted a year-long lockout.

BDonini · 11-25-2019, 01:32 AM

11-25-2019, 12:15 AMTheHockeyist Wrote: Igor punches his computer screen in anger

@tedlamotors Why didn't you invite me? Your best defenseman friend? You know I don't have a Twitter, right? Right?

We can make a team together with @dylanjj37 and 2 other players to walk all over Noah's team

tedlamotors · 11-25-2019, 01:44 AM

11-25-2019, 01:32 AMBDonini Wrote:
11-25-2019, 12:15 AMTheHockeyist Wrote: Igor punches his computer screen in anger

@tedlamotors Why didn't you invite me? Your best defenseman friend? You know I don't have a Twitter, right? Right?

We can make a team together with @dylanjj37 and 2 other players to walk all over Noah's team

@dylanjj37 wants no smoke

dylanjj37 · 11-25-2019, 01:58 AM

I want to play with @BDonini

TheHockeyist · 11-25-2019, 02:20 AM

11-25-2019, 01:32 AMBDonini Wrote:
11-25-2019, 12:15 AMTheHockeyist Wrote: Igor punches his computer screen in anger

@tedlamotors Why didn't you invite me? Your best defenseman friend? You know I don't have a Twitter, right? Right?

We can make a team together with @dylanjj37 and 2 other players to walk all over Noah's team

Wonderful idea. I'll invite @SpartanGibbles to defect from Noah's team and join ours.

dylanjj37 · 11-25-2019, 02:30 AM

I said I wanted to play with @BDonini... I didn't mention you, @TheHockeyist, but I will gladly take @SpartanGibbles on our team.

BDonini · 11-25-2019, 02:33 AM

11-25-2019, 01:58 AMdylanjj37 Wrote: I want to play with @BDonini

@tedlamotors isn’t ready for this link up

pure swiss excellence

*Ferda* · 11-25-2019, 04:02 AM

11-25-2019, 02:30 AMdylanjj37 Wrote: I said I wanted to play with @BDonini... I didn't mention you, @TheHockeyist, but I will gladly take @SpartanGibbles on our team.

wtf what about me u traitor

fuckin S49 boatgang committing TREASON left and right

@toirekari is the only one i can trust

dylanjj37 · 11-25-2019, 04:59 AM

@Ferda you know what happens to boats? They sink. Just like your team will when me and Donini beat you.

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