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Gabe Johnson Announced as Player-Manager of Hamilton Steelhawks, League Outraged
#1

Today, the Hamilton Steelhawks had the misfortune of confirming that, following the resignation of their Co-GM Ben Waters, none other than Gabriel Johnson would be taking his spot. This hire was met with absolute fury by fans and management all around the league, who rightfully feel that the overall quality of management in the league has taken a huge step back as a result of this joke of a hiring. Even the SHL Commissioner himself has confirmed to the press that over the next few days he will consider vetoing the hire due to how comical it is:

"It's really disheartening to see a historic franchise such as Hamilton reduced to...this. I will be discussing what to do next with my associates in Head Office, but unfortunately as of now it looks like that due to a lack of alternatives in Hamilton, we will be allowing the hire...sorry."

We asked Steelhawks Head GM Ben Dover if he could corroborate the reasoning the commissioner gave for the hiring:

"Yes, it's true. It was a poor time for Ben's resignation, as we had literally no potential hires, either internally or elsewhere, apart from Gabe lined up. I am very sorry for all the Steelhawks fans that will have to endure Gabe's career as a GM for us, and all I can do is just hope that it doesn't turn out to be an absolute disaster."

This is, obviously, Johnson's first managerial foray, and he'll be aiming to prove the doubters (everyone) wrong as this new chapter of his pathetic career begins. Johnson himself has spoken about his new position, stating:

"I'm really excited to start my managerial career in Hamilton! I don't really know why everyone seems so upset with it, they're probably just kidding as a funny gag and actually like me. It's probably just some sort of prank they're playing on the new GM in town is all."

We assured Johnson that this was not the case, and that nobody likes him. Steelhawks

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#2

04-10-2020, 04:33 PMGwdjohnson Wrote: This is, obviously, Johnson's first managerial foray
so the gabe johnson that plays for Canada in IIHF isn't the fed head there which means the gwdjohnson who's fed head of Canada is a different gwdjohnson than the one that's co-GM for hamilton...?

what's the opposite of a multi?

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#3

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#4

boo this man

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#5

04-10-2020, 04:36 PMhotdog Wrote:
04-10-2020, 04:33 PMGwdjohnson Wrote: This is, obviously, Johnson's first managerial foray
so the gabe johnson that plays for Canada in IIHF isn't the fed head there which means the gwdjohnson who's fed head of Canada is a different gwdjohnson than the one that's co-GM for hamilton...?

what's the opposite of a multi?

Canonically my SHL account and Gabe Johnson the player are two different people.

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#6

04-10-2020, 04:37 PMGwdjohnson Wrote:
04-10-2020, 04:36 PMhotdog Wrote: so the gabe johnson that plays for Canada in IIHF isn't the fed head there which means the gwdjohnson who's fed head of Canada is a different gwdjohnson than the one that's co-GM for hamilton...?

what's the opposite of a multi?

Canonically my SHL account and Gabe Johnson the player are two different people.
do i hate both of them or just one?

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#7

This is the most mediocre of timelines


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CURRENT PLAYER


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FORMER PLAYER


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#8

You're widely disliked

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#9

04-10-2020, 04:40 PMhotdog Wrote:
04-10-2020, 04:37 PMGwdjohnson Wrote: Canonically my SHL account and Gabe Johnson the player are two different people.
do i hate both of them or just one?

yes

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#10

ive shared an LR with Gabe for a while always thought he smelled kinda weird like not bad but just strange

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#11

04-10-2020, 05:04 PMnour Wrote: ive shared an LR with Gabe for a while always thought he smelled kinda weird like not bad but just strange
It's like cabbage, ya?

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#12

this article is so boring it could be posted to msn

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#13

04-10-2020, 06:00 PMWannabeFinn Wrote: this article is so boring it could be posted to msn

I'm looking forward to the torrential wave of abuse I'll receive from you for my career

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#14

gabe johnson is a rat anyways, worst hire in league history

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#15

Igor throws a match at the rink

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