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Southie · 05-05-2020, 11:17 AM

Anaheim Outlaws - Outlaws

Sven knows where Anaheim is. It is in California. Sven learned that from favorite tv show Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series. Sven would love to play with Wildwing Flashblade for he is fantastic goalie despite lacking opposable thumbs. Sven also model game after avian center Duke L’ORange who is best bird to ever play. He score many goals much like Sven.

Anchorage Armada - Armada

It is in Alaska, yes? Very cold, much like Sweden. Less climate to get accustomed to though there is many bear in Alaska. Bear is scary but Sven like to hunt, maybe Sven kill bear and become great hero to Alaskan people. Maybe Sven score many goals for Armada and kill many bears becoming the greatest Alaskan hero ever. It is option. Maybe not realistic but Sven is dreamer.

Carolina Kraken - Kraken

Sven does not know where Carolina. Is it on east coast? Where is Carolina? There is two Carolina? Why? Is it sequel? Can a state have sequel? Sven is very confused by this. Also mascot is octopus, octopus is cool. Sven like octopus very much.

Colorado Raptors - Raptors

Why some teams named after state but others after city? Very confusing for foreign player. What does raptor have to do with Colorado? This is very dumb in Sven’s opinon. Colorado is mountain, it is not Jurassic park. There is no Jeff Goldblum in Colorado. Maybe Jeff Goldblum come to game and watch Sven score many goals. Sven is very big Jeff Goldblum fan. Sven enjoy Independence Day a lot but has not seen sequel. Heard it was very bad.

Detroit Falcons - Falcons

' Michigan is very cold like Sweden. Bird is mascot, bird is good. Sven does not have strong feelings about team. Team is there but team does not have identity that Sven connects with.

Kelowna Knights - Knights

Where is Kelowna? Canada? Canada is not Sven’s favorite place but maybe Sven make sacrifice to play for Knights. Canada beat Sven many times in Juniors, Sven knock out Canadian goalie with punch during a game once. Not Sven’s proudest moment as player but also brought much glory to Sweden so Sven is happy to have concussed goalie. Maybe he was from
Kelowna? Sven does not know.

Maine Timber - Timber

Sven hear of large man in Maine with a pet blue Ox as a child. Sven would be very interested in meeting huge lumberjack with pet Ox but Sven is not sure if he is from Maine or Minnesota. Sven has heard both and it is very confusing for him. America is very strange place but much superior to the hellhole to its north.

Newfoundland Berserkers -

Speaking of hellhole, another team from Canada but this one has viking mascot so it is already better in Sven’s mind. As far as Sven know, Newfoundland is dog but here it is a city. Is city run by dogs? That would be interesting. Can dog play hockey like movie Sv en see as child? That is crazy. Sven would very much like to play hockey with dog that can play hockey.

St. Louis Scarecrow - Scarecrows

Sven is not sure where St. Louis is but Sven is also not impressed by spooky scarecrow. What is spooky about large doll in field? It scare bird? Sven is not bird, Sven is not scared of foolish straw man in dumb hat. Get better mascot Sven say. Maybe get like a bear or something that is scary. Scarecrow is an inanimate object, it is not scary.

Vancouver Whaler - Whalers

Sven hate whale. Whale is overrated. Yes, whale is very big but whale is not scary. Octopus is scary, Shark is scary even Stingray is scary but Whale? Whale is not scary. Whale is just fat. Whale is just obese shark in Sven’s mind.