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High Stick King · 08-18-2021, 06:47 PM

Spack Jarrow, First Player from Tortuga to be Eligible for the SMJHL Draft
By Blolf Witzer, CNNNN
Update 2:23 PM AST, Wed August 18, 2021

[Image: Bb5Q8RW.jpg]

Tortuga forward Spack Jarrow fights for the puck in the second period of the championship hockey game against Britain on Sunday, February 23.

Editors Note: None of the facts have been checked and this entire article could be incorrect. We apologize for any mistakes and/or inconsistencies. No research has been made during the writing of this article.

Tortuga (CNNNN) --- The Simulation Junior Hockey League, currently in its 61st season, has scouted talent from nations all over the globe. Dozens of countries have been represented but this season is there is something different. For the first time in its history, a player from the Caribbean nation of Tortuga will be lacing up the skates in hopes of being drafted. Spack Jarrow, current Captain of the Tortuga Black Pearls, has quickly become one of the most intriguing prospects in the SHL.

How did a player from a tiny tropical nation that has no ice go from a seemingly unknown winger to one of the most talked about prospect in the world? I asked a few hockey experts that very question. The responses speak for themselves.

"I would say that it is his unpredictability on the ice. Maybe because he learned the sport from drawings but it isn't something that I can say that I have ever witnessed before in my 75 years of scouting the game." stated Harry Mortimer, head scout for the {redacted}.

"At times it can be absolute chaos when he is on the ice. He makes playing against him difficult because you don't know what he is going to do when he is out there. His unpredictability gives him the advantage of throwing his opponent off their game because you don't know if he is going to throw a hit, go for the strip, or just fall down."

"But that is the thing though." continued Harry while shaking his head with a mix of frustration and confusion. "Even when he does fall down, somehow he makes the god damn play. It happened time and time again. It got to the point that I started to question everything I knew about the sport. It is really, really bizarre.".

Mr. Mortimer wasn't the only expert to point out Jarrow's pension for disrupting his opponents game. We also heard similar descriptions from Rick Balding, the head coach of the British Armada. "We had the unfortunate privilege of facing Spack Jarrow and his team in the finals last season. I still can't believe what I witnessed. It is like some Voodoo magic or something. It isn't anything I can logically explain."

"There was one play where we were up by a goal with under a minute left in the game. They had pulled their goalie and Sir Charles Wellington the Third, our leading scorer, managed to get a breakaway. The only player within 20 feet of him was Jarrow. All Welly [sic] had to do was shoot it in the open net and the series would have been over."

Balding paused, took a long sip of his McDonald's™ coffee, let out an audible sigh before continued while visible confused "Some... somehow. Some... someway Jarrow managed to close the gap and hit him before he shot the puck. I'll be damned if the hit didn't cause Welly's stick to redirect the puck nearly 200 feet the opposite direction bouncing right over our own goalies pad to tie the game."

"If this was a one off you could excuse it but these types of plays happened time and time again when Jarrow was on the ice." finished Balding abruptly refusing to continue.

That goal that coach Balding described sent the teams to an overtime that finished as quickly as it started when, on the first shift in OT, Jarrow passed the puck to an open teammate who was looking in the wrong direction as it re-directed off his left knee and past the bewildered goalie to win the game, series, and ultimately championship.

It was the first championship by the Tortuga Black Pearls and Jarrow was awarded the MVP of the playoffs. He was quoted when accepting his award. "This is the day you will always remember as the day you almost beat Captain Spack Jarrow."

One scout who asked not to be identified did have some troubling things to say. "Y'know, I've spoken to some of the players around the league about Spack and there have been some concern regarding Jarrow's drinking. There are reports that he has fallen asleep on the bench because he was still intoxicated from the night before. One player even claimed he saw him take a drink of rum before one of his shifts. It is a real concern."

Sparrows coach refused to take my calls when asked about this rumour. When I mentioned this to the opposing coach Balding, he just scoffed and replied "If he can do what he does drunk, I hate to see what he can do sober.".

Regardless whether you believe in the hype or not, there is no denying that this is a strangely unique player that could either make a GMs career or perhaps destroy it. Will one of them take the risk for a chance at the potential reward? Would you?

CNNNN's Sally Stang contributed reporting.

Words = 989

steveoiscool · 08-18-2021, 06:51 PM

What a beaut

ACapitalChicago · 08-18-2021, 06:51 PM

This was a great read, keep it up!

S66 Damian Littleton

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DeletedAtUserRequest · 08-18-2021, 07:05 PM

+1

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***Chevy*** · 08-18-2021, 07:16 PM

Now that’s a way to make an entrance

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