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***_Blitz_*** · 02-01-2022, 10:31 PM

Players’ Tribune: One Foot in Front of the Other
By Danny Marston

This is meant to be a fictionalized account of some events in the last couple of seasons from Danny’s perspective. Please note there’s some, probably not very accurate, discussion of medical events in here. If that kind of thing is upsetting to you, you can pick up at the bolded text close to the bottom for the gist of where I’m going with all of this. It’s also not indicative of where I’m at mentally and emotionally right now; I’m okay.

There aren’t a whole lot of player-managers in the world, and most of them are in the SHL. It’s a time-honored tradition to have one or two around, especially among the new blood athletes that don’t come from a powerhouse family or training organization. From S54 to S60, I was one of those player-managers. I spent one season playing and managing St. Louis, and then I was playing for Toronto and going back and forth very frequently.

I used to hate these interviews. "Why yes, I'll talk to the press in my comfy airport clothes that I wore into the office because I'm taking two flights today."
That One Reporter: "bUt GmS wEaR sUiTs"

It takes a certain type of person to do that. It’s a lot of long hours. Practice, conditioning, strategy, and games for a professional player are already a full time job, as are contracts, player management, strategy and implementation, and trade deals for a general manager. That’s not factoring the geographical distances that are involved between managing a team in St. Louis and playing for Toronto. I spent more time in those six years sleeping in airports, cars, trains, planes, and buses than I did in any sort of bed. My diet was crap, and I was living a strange cycle of coffee and melatonin. It’s amazing that I had a social life at all, and most of it was in the playoffs, once both teams had been eliminated.

Laying it out like that, I’m kind of surprised that it took me so long to have something bad happen.

The first anybody could have guessed of anything was in S57. One of the team doctors had charted out vitals and decided that my blood pressure was increasing at “an alarming rate”. They had me cut salt out of my diet for two weeks and take a few days off around the all-star break. My blood pressure went down and most of the coaching staff was satisfied, and I had to get back to work, so we called it good. It should have been a bigger wakeup call, I should have done more, but… well, hindsight is 20/20.

Fast-forward to S59 Training Camp in Toronto. It was a Tuesday, of course it was. I was getting close to the peak of my career and I had something to prove. We all did in Toronto. The SMJHL Draft was that weekend and my scouts had been posting pictures goofing around in bars on Instagram but had sent an email that morning promising reports on Friday “due to unforeseen delays”. I had popped into Mikhail Lokitonov’s office, our GM at the time, to talk about cutting camp to go out the draft combine that afternoon instead of Friday night. Loki was a player-GM at one point, so he understood and gave the okay. I was already trying to figure out how I’d make it up to the team later.

So there I was, skating warm-ups with my head buzzing with all of that. I was tired from reviewing tape and interviews the night before. I had hit critical mass on caffeine and the coffee wasn’t kicking in. I was trying to work the stiffness and soreness in my shoulders, neck, and back that had set in with my hours spent in the office chair. I felt like I was getting winded just skating lazy laps. When somebody came up behind me and thumped a hand to my shoulder in greeting, I didn’t see or hear it coming. I dropped to the ice like a myotonic goat. I shrieked, pitched forward, and went to the ice. The guys thought it was a joke at first; we’d had a few jokes about being old and sneaking up on people. It was very quickly Not Funny when I didn’t hop back up. It got serious when they realized that I was out cold on the ice and wasn’t breathing. I’m told that Zapo called the trainers over with the AED and somebody else called emergency services.

I’m lucky that it was in Toronto; there’s a bunch of hospitals within walking distance. University Medical Center took really good care of me. They ran a bunch of tests; MRI, tilt table, CT scan, and a couple more. I was diagnosed with ventricular tachycardia, a type of heart arrythmia. They said that the arrythmia combined with the stress and high blood pressure sent me into cardiac arrest. In house, they were able to do IV treatments and cardioversion. All that said and done, the way the specialists saw it, I needed a lifestyle change. I could be a hockey player, or I could be a general manager. Not both.

In the short term, it was a weird time. My brother and sister came up from New York for the few days that I was in the hospital. A few of the guys came by to visit too. My parents came up from Florida when I was discharged. We talked and spent time while I recovered. I had a lot of meetings across both of my teams, in that recovery time. I had a choice to make, and it very quickly became a matter of getting ready for my stepping down in St. Louis. It was too late to really do anything for the S59 season, with GM tasks in full swing and the like, but we came up with a transitionary plan.

For the rest of S59, I did as much as I could for St. Louis remotely to cut down my travel time. My Co-GM and coaches would handle everything about the locker room. I didn’t show up to any games for St. Louis like I tried to do as much as possible. I capped my tape time at 4 hours every night (down from 7 hours or more). The dietary restrictions and some medications came into play to treat my high blood pressure and heart condition. I could still play, but we had to be careful with my conditioning and regimens. I’ve had to cut back on my alcohol intake, which feels like the easiest part. I was never the heaviest drinker anyway, now I’m the designated driver every time we go out for team dinners. Stopping my caffeine and melatonin cycle was the hardest part. Once S60 hit, I’d cut my tape time down to 2 hours and my Co-GM would take over more inter-team dealings.

Blue really is my color.

It paid off big in that first season. Toronto went to the 3rd round of the playoffs and lost to Buffalo in Game 7 overtime. First time we’d made it that far since S37. It felt good. I felt good. I was sleeping more, going to more team dinners, had more time for family phone calls. S60 came and went and we didn’t have the same success, but I felt like I was breathing so much easier. S61 and S62 were harder. With our management group in Toronto in turmoil, the team was getting restless. I was getting restless, felt like I couldn’t get in the same groove through the season. It started to feel like I was killing time.

I’ve begun to contemplate what comes after playing hockey. In both a metaphorical and actual sense, I guess. With the restlessness that’s set in and the extra time to contemplate, I’ve gotten to look around more. I’ve put my family on the backburner for years, both current immediate family and any future partners. I’ve missed birthdays, holidays, my brother’s wedding, my dad getting sick, my niece and nephews being born. I’ve turned down dates and dalliances, even a few that might’ve been really good. I’ve made and cancelled a lot of plans with people I care about. My mom likes to say that I’d call to cancel my own funeral, that’s how bad it’s been. All in the name of chasing pucks as long as my heart will let me.

Ultimately, I don’t regret a single moment of my time in this league. I've had doubts, I have things that I might do differently if I could do it all again. But it’ll be 12 years at the end of this season. The seasons haven’t been kind and they’re only getting less so. I have a lot that I still want to do, but I’m beginning to wonder with increasing frequency what I'll do when my body decides I'm done, and if I want to get to that point. I see a lot of my friends getting married, starting families, settling down. I’ve started wondering what that would look like for me.

I’m announcing my retirement officially by the start of S65. Most likely, I’ll be announcing retirement at the end of this season, to play out my last season in S64. That’s what I’ve been getting at. I’m ready to move on to whatever’s next for me, and I’m even kind of excited for it. Thank you to everyone who has been a part of my journey. Let’s make the closing days amazing.

Quote:Word Count: 1572, Ready for Grading.

***boom*** · 02-01-2022, 10:59 PM

Congrats on the career!

ACapitalChicago · 02-01-2022, 11:32 PM

Absolutely magnificent read, thanks for this Blitz!

S66 Damian Littleton

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*Carpy48* · 02-02-2022, 04:25 AM

Wow, great read. Definitely going to miss you and that makes me think about my own retirement (eventually...).

Urq660 · 02-02-2022, 09:04 AM

Absolute leg-end as player and GM, and one of the main people that sparked my love for the league Scarecrows

notoriousTRON · 02-02-2022, 10:16 AM

It's been a pleasure playing along side of you! You'll always be one of my favorite users on the site and a big reason for my love of the league. Congrats on a great career!

Sig Cred: Carpy, ML, RainDelay, Donini & Geekusoid

*CptSquall* · 02-03-2022, 08:33 PM

Hell of a read, i can still feel all of the emotion. Cheers

*gurbs* · 02-04-2022, 01:34 PM

It was a blast playing with you in TOR, a lot of memories with that team! Grateful I was about to call you a teammate, and Stella thanks you for the perfect emoji you made her! Good luck with wherever your career takes you! I’m always a discord message away my friend <3

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