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goilers · 09-18-2022, 10:46 PM

Greyson Cooper is one of the more quiet guys in the locker room & always has been. So he’s not one to typically give advice to new rookies or anyone really. A very quiet but smart player. However if he were to give some advice about the locker room it would be to just be friendly & play your game & be yourself. The Buffalo Stampede have a very tight core so it’s very welcoming from the second you enter the room. There’s always someone hanging around & the conversation never dies down until it’s time to go bed. There’s some players who are in different time zones so always someone to talk to depending on your schedule. Other than that Cooper does not have any other advice rather then if you have a dog then you’re automatically one of his favorite teammates & enjoys all the photos of the doggos. That’s it.
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*Flowseidon* · 09-18-2022, 10:47 PM

The biggest piece of advice that I can give any player coming into the league and training camp for their first time is to get to know everyone. It's important to get to know your teammates as well as possible so that you know who to go to for help, and start to develop that all important chemistry. You'll need to know everything about each other to get the level of comradery needed to take the game to that championship caliber.

Outside the team and management, it's important to get to know all the team staff and arena staff that make the day to day happen. Too often are these people just ignored and passed by or treated as tools. Developping a meaningful connection with all of these people will lead you to meet some incredible people, and just the taking the small amount of time out of your day to see them can really help make a difference

*Gordon Bombay* · 09-18-2022, 11:19 PM

Dear Mr Crab Camaro,

My name is Shoyo Hinata and I will be happy to help you. You must know that I was a pretty wild rookie and I had my fair share of crabs problem. Nowadays I am calm and when we are in Montreal I stay in my hotel room. But that’s a whole other story. Back to you and yours crabs. I think that you should bring them to your local rink. Some pee-wee players would be pretty happy to practice their slapshot on those poor crabs. I advise that you bring some febreeze for the unlucky goalie. To get the crabs on the ice you would have to enter the rink with your car. You can take the zamboni door. Then roll the car on the ice, open the door and ask the youngling to flip the car on its side. The crab should come out and the player will be able to fire away. Fun fact, Angus Mcfife learned to slapshot that way.

Symmetrik · 09-18-2022, 11:21 PM

Hey there my Crab Camaro friend, that's quite the problem! Obviously, getting them out of the car is the biggest and trickiest problem, so let's start with solving the 2nd half of the problem first. What are you going to do with them once you get them out of the car? For this you should get several really big buckets. Once you get them into the buckets, they will be continuously pulling each other back down into the bucket while they try to climb out. They won't work together because none of them will want to be the ones stuck in the bucket at the end. Now, as for getting them out of the car, this is actually an interesting one. As it turns out, crabs are heavily effected by electromagnetic fields. Essentially, if you can get one of those magnets from a scrapyard, the crabs will basically be hypnotized and not move. The crabs will be attracted to the field, and will just sit still. You would need a larger scale, but even a fridge magnet is more than powerful enough of a magnetic field to hypnotize them.

***ProjectSaint*** · 09-18-2022, 11:26 PM

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5ympathies · 09-18-2022, 11:26 PM

Hey Crab Camaro in Concord, NH. First time reader, long time responder. Here is my advice for the very precarious situation you seem to find yourself in. First things first, use that big fat red nose of yours to your advantage. How can I use this to my advantage you may ask? Easy. Become a professional clown. Quit your job if you have to. You can't be going around wasting a big fat red honker like that, you absolutely must use that to your personal and professional advantage. Second, about the car? Honestly, just leave it behind and get a new one. The mileage, or kilometerage of the vehicle as I would say is awful. You must be getting at most 40 km per gallon. Just horrendous. Save yourself the trouble and get a tessie. A tesla for those not in the know. Any electric car will suffice. I think teslas are cool, there are much better electric options available though. You could even just yourself a mustang mach e, which I know is not the same brand as a camaro, but I have seen to forgotten which one is .

Thanks to JSS for the signature

Zomp · 09-18-2022, 11:29 PM

Lord Zomp has some pretty sound advice for dealing with the crab issue. Horseshoe crab blood is known as being one of the rarest liquids in the world, if you were able to take hold of each and very crab and drain their blood to list up for sale you'd have plenty of money to be able to buy another Camaro ten times over.
It's without question the best idea that one could come up with. You wouldn't have to deal with the smell of decaying horseshoe crab's after you killed them, however if you did go through the effort of cleaning them out after you could make up quite the wall display for your house. Either that or you could even nail them directly to the hood of the car to be able to show off your massive collection. The ideas are endless for what one might be able to do with horseshoe crabs, unfortunately eating them isn't one of them. There isn't a whole lot of meat to get out.

Amidships · 09-18-2022, 11:43 PM

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***JKortesi81*** · 09-18-2022, 11:46 PM

The New Orleans Specters have two brand spanking new SHL rookies this season, so there’s a lot of advice being thrown out there to the newbies. The first thing they’re told is to stay far, far away from our returning old man defender, Slip McScruff. McScruff is older than dirt, and he smells like a garbage bin that was left out in the sun for way too long. Another good piece of advice for the rookies is that they need to stay far, far away from the SHL media. The media has always been looking for a reason to pounce on anyone, so its always smart to just stay away from the public eye. While I’m sure they’ll have some rookie struggles, the last thing they’ll need to be frustrated and say the wrong thing at the wrong time. That’s the quickest way to getting the rest of the league ganging up on them and hurting their development. (158)

*Drokeep* · 09-18-2022, 11:50 PM

The philly lockeroom might be a bit daunting at first, but I promise to you once you are settled in it will be a blast! As a recent rookie I have gone through all the tough stuff so you don't have to. The most important thing is to ALWAYS check the toilet seat before seating down. We have a couple of pranksters in our team that love to catch you when you are at your most vulnerable.

Now for the good stuff: in my locker you will find a panini press and ingredients to make a philly cheesesteak at any time. I keep it stocked so dont be shy to grab some whenever you need. Next, evil allbran will offer you allbrans all the time, but you cannont deny them, this will curse you for a game. Lastly, the best bathroom to go to is the one closest to the locker room. Believe it or not, thats the one that gets pranked the least since the vets use it as well!

peskypenguin · 09-18-2022, 11:52 PM

Despite only having one year in juniors and just being drafted in the SHL, Finn has been around locker rooms all his life and some things always stay the same. One of Finn’s biggest knacks comes from always being able to find the best coffee and restaurants around the area of the rink. It doesn’t matter if he’s in a city that he has never been in. He always seems to find the best places for whatever his teammates have a “taste” for. It’s even more amusing because Finn could not cook anything more than a chicken breast even if his life depended on it. Those who can’t cook have to find somewhere to eat. He really enjoys giving recommendations to others and uses it to get to really know his teammates and the staff around the team. Coaches and management even come to him for recommendations. There’s no one better at it than Finn.

*Good_Ole_Kimmy* · 09-18-2022, 11:53 PM

At this point in his career Simulation Major Junior Hockey League forward and Hamilton Steelhawks draftee Jolmi Koivu is on his last year of eligibility for the Colorado Raptors, meaning that he currently is one of the most experienced players in the league at the moment. One piece of advice that he would give advice to incoming draftees is that the best way to get playing time is to put your all into it! It takes hard work and dedication to succeed in the Simulation Major Junior Hockey League because nothing will ever come easy. The second piece of advice that Jolmi Koivu would give rookies is to really enjoy the journey and everything that entails, it is just about having fun as much as it is about producing on the ice. The worst thing you could do for your career is not have fun because you will get burnt out eventually.
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Shmurph · 09-18-2022, 11:55 PM

JMacNCheese · 09-19-2022, 12:30 AM

Written Task: Give an advice column style response to this person's submission! Will you actually be helpful? Who cares! Nobody reads the local paper anymore! You can answer however you like!

My advice to this person with a Camaro full of Horseshoe Craps is they got to be similar to normal crabs in that they are scavengers that feed on the bottom of sea floor for scraps left over by other sea animals. So, my suggestion would be to bring a car, that probably not yours fully of dead fish so that they sense and smell this and leave your car to infest this car to feed. Then once they are all out or mostly, because you can probably take a few of them and peel out in your stinky crab Camaro. Now if that did not work, then the only thing I can think of is to burn it to the ground, it’s got to be that simple right. I know these Horseshoe crabs probably have fire extinguishers, so you may need a flamethrower or launch a missile at it since it is a lost hope. Or just push it into the sea and call it a day because you ain't getting it back if none of this works.

(179 Words)

*bibleman19* · 09-19-2022, 01:10 AM

Billy blazes has been around Yukon for quite some time, and with time that means he knows a thing or two because he's seen a thing or two. He knows to put the shower at a perfect 163.7° for a perfect temperature shower. He knows that when you're in the coaches doghouse bringing him a beer is the fastest way out of it. He knows what parts of the boards are springy and which ones are dead. Which shower has the best water pressure, what vending machine always gives you two chocolate bars instead of one. He knows what doors don't lock properly for when you forgot your key card. He knows to never pay the bill with patches because he'll always get the expensive dog food. He knows to never room Oles because he snores. But most important of all he knows to ways try your best, and then the wins will come

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