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spidey · 09-11-2023, 04:44 PM

[Image: Don_Cherry_leaving_Hockey_Night_in_Canad...&strip=all]

Don MacDonald:
Hello and welcome to the live coverage of the season 72 IIHF world tournament, IT IS LOOKING LIKE THE TOURNAMENT WILL START UP ON THE 14TH! We are excited to come to you live at CBC headquarters with your hosts Don MacDonald and Ron Berry. This year is looking like another spectacular tournament, and we are here today to breakdown each roster and where they can expect to end up. The season kicks off in just a few short days so we have a lot to go over in a very short amount of time.

Ron Berry:
Oh, CANADA, I tell you right now Don this is Canada’s tournament to lose, the roster is a beauty!

INDEPENDENT RUSSIAN HOCKEY FEDERATION

DM:
Ok Ron, we will get to Canada eventually. For now, let’s start things off with the Independent Russian Hockey Federation, or IRHF. Now it has been a tough road for the IRHF over recent tournament’s history with fewer wins to speak of, but that has not always been the case, is this the year they turn it around?

RB:
The Independent Russians are in a tough boat; they have a lot of ground to make up but I think they are slowly righting the ship.

DM:
There is a lot to look at here, so let’s dive into the roster and their projected lines:

Viktor Krunk - Pablo Salvatici - Patya Perevalov
Vaseline Podcalzone - Raiya Rabinov - Ekaterina Valieva
Jay Cue - Pablo Salvatici - Zak Wilson
Jonny Tsunami - Munko Aitmukhambetov - Konstantin Strelka

Puddles O'Duck - Vadim Askerov
Ace Lightning - David Doug
Bellamy Blake - Jay Bryzi

B Jobin
Zhen Roza

RB:
Victor Krunk is as dangerous as ever to lead the team in scoring and up and newcomer Ekaterina Valieva could be a difference maker on the second line. The offense will be the strength of this unit. The defense will be led by Puddles O’Duck who is a grizzled veteran, surrounding him will be a plethora of young up and coming star defenders, unfortunately they might now be ready for this level of competition just yet. For our comrades the goaltending situation is looking a little rough, it will take a whole team effort to keep pucks out of the net.

DM:
So, Ron, do you believe Russia has what it takes to get into the knockout round of the tournament this year.

RB:
Well, anything is possible MacDonald, I could find a winning lotto ticket and not have to use a fake name to make a few bucks...

DM:
So...

RB:
IF the remaining teams do not have a terrible accident on the way, the IRHF don’t stand much of a chance. They are lacking depth and goaltending. Unfortunately, that is difficult to overcome. I would suspect they end up in the bottom of the tournament. That said, I think the future is very bright in IRHF and with their building blocks in place they could become a good team very soon.

SWEDEN

DM:
Next up is Sweden, they have been a consistently good team in the tournament and have recently really become a powerhouse over the last 4 tournaments they have claimed a gold and two silver medals. And this year they are being powered by Lias Ekholm-Gunnarsson, a potential hall of fame candidate in the SHL.

RM:
Remember Sweden is no Canada, they think they are, but they are not. They are not hockey tough and in a tournament like this you need to be hockey tough not fancy skating.

DM:
Do shut up Ron…Ahem. Let’s look at the roster:

M'Baku Olubori - Lias Ekholm-Gunnarsson - Lord Farquaads
Melvin Majestik-Moose - Dave Heinrich - Matsmith Söderberg-Tremblay
Jimmy Wagner – Dogwood Maple - Graj Virrok
Luke Laraque - Tony Soprano - Tomas Lind

Adelie de Pengu - Graj Virrok
Rasmus Bergling - Borje Samuelsson
Sven Panda - Aleks Blixtstrom

Jon St. Ark
Willie Miller

RB:
The offense may be the best in the whole tourney; they got stars on their top 3 lines. Making it very difficult to beat these guys when the puck is on their sticks. But as you trickle down the roster going to defense small chinks in their armor start to show. They have Pengu who is amazing, but the rest are good. Same can be said about their goaltending situation. It is good, but not great. Tough team to play against, not physically (you know European), but beatable probably.

DM:
So, Ron what do you say, are they going to challenge for a medal again this year?

RB:
Because hockey has gone soft and there aren’t any tough guys on the ice and no fighting this roster will make it to the medal round. I think they will battle for 3rd place.

FINLAND

DM:
Next up is a team with wild success throughout the tournament's history. Finland. They are up there as one of the most decorated rosters in tournament history! With 5 golds, 9 Silvers, and 7 Bronze medals under their name.

RB:
I like those Finns; they are known for being smaller people but tough as nails. They grind it out and bury an opponent when he is not looking, always finishing a check. That is the reason for their success, clearly.

DM:
None of what you have to say Ron is in any way true or should be taken as factual. Without adieu the projected roster:

Shōyō Hinata – Nibbles The Squirrel - Outdoor Truck
Mikko Rashford - Karl-Erik-Karl2-Wojtek Kekkonen - Sconnie McHits
William Salming - Bnana NWaffles - David-Arturri Donskoi
Lemo Pihl - William Tree - Lemo Pihl

Jay O'Neil - Christian Kinsinger
Chad Nickelback - Nash Topalo
Ben Der - Igor Victory

Mat Smith
Rhett "Shaggy" Carpet

DM:
This team is just overloaded with talent. It is almost unfair, Shōyō Hinata, Mikko Rashford, Outdoor Truck, Sconnie McHits, on the wings will make life difficult for any defending team. Jay O’Neil and Christian Kinsinger anchoring the defense will ensure this team is well taken care of on the back end. There are no real weaknesses on this roster which is a scary thing.

RM:
They do lack a true number one center. They might be good on the wings, hit, skate, shoot. But lacking that setup man in the middle will hurt them. Goalies are beauties though. Matt Smith is a great goalie, and Rhett Carpet is looking to become one of the best.

DM:
So, Ron, where is a roster like this going to finish?

RM:
Well, they are not in Canada, but they are good. Let’s say based on what I see they will finish fighting for 3rd.

CANADA

DM:
I am surprised you would give anyone that high of praise without being prodded. But this next team I know you are going to love! Canada is next, and they are looking as good as ever coming into this season’s tournament.

RM:
The last two years have been a disappointment for the Canadians, they are going to be coming into this tournament hungry and wanting to make a splash. Let me go over their roster, sit down and shut up Don:

Ricky Koivu - Max Manning - Paul Koivu
Edward Elric - Jack St. Clair - Axel Kirby
Jacques Hammer - Tommy Westbrook - Kev Kevens
Bruno Tooyo - Cale Salad – Kezia MacKenzie

Ben Jammin - Luc Blouin
Tommi Koivu - Nathaniel Barca
Lester Oiduser - Guðmundur Kristjánsson

Anthony Dionne
Sobchak Walter

RB:
There you have it GOLD from top to bottom. No weaknesses. This is a championship roster and them good old Canadian kids know how to play a good tough game.

DM:
While I agree this is a great looking roster, the defense is being led by Ben Jammin, one of the best defenders in the league and a great group behind him for support. Their offense looks amazing with the Koviu twins on the top line, Max Manning centering the group, then following it up with the ever dangerous Jack St. Clair. Finally, their goaltending is in a fantastic spot with Anthony Dionne, there is no real weakness, but how do you explain the last few years not winning a medal with such an impressive roster?

RB:
Cheating Refs. I hope the IIHF Commissioner has looked deep and hard into the Refs. Blowing calls and making up calls against Canada just to help other nations. Don, this is the year that Canada gets back to GOLD.

GREAT BRITAIN

DM:
Next up isn’t a team considered a traditional hockey hotbed but has been nothing short of fantastic over the last 30 seasons. Great Britain may be the team to beat this tournament, Ron what are your initial thoughts?

RB:
Well, you see this is where Canada came from…

DM:
Not really true at all but go on.

RB:
So, they by association would obviously be good at hockey. That is obviously where they get it from. Same reason the USA is good, they are touching Canada.

DM:
Your reasoning never ceases to amaze me…This year’s tournament roster for Great Britain is looking like this:

Conner Snooks - Makrus "The Tater" Jager - Wendolene Ramsbottom
Giannis Kroustis - Lev Lebedev - Tiberius Kane
Daryl Urquhart -– James Ward-Prowse - Chris Valentine
Barg Hazbite - Patrice Bergeron - Rhys Pritchard

Sven Svechnikov - Landon Fischermann
Jack Nishimori - Sean Davies
Clint Clampton - Jay Sink

Jeff Newman
Bernard Lodge

DM:
This is a defensively sound team, they won’t beat you by scoring a ton of goals, they will beat you by preventing goals. Star defenders Wendolene Ramsbottom and Chris Valentine will be playing vital roles on the top 9 forward group. Losing two of your best defenders doesn’t even hurt the defensive group as a whole as they still have a ton of talent in Landon Fischermann and Sven Svechnikov to lead the defenders. They can still put the puck on net, and into the goal with Conner Snooks and Markus Jager leading the way.

RB:
Like I said they are practically Canadian, so you know they are a good team. I think they might finish in the top 6 in the tournament with a good roster like this. They say defense wins championships so it wouldn’t surprise me to see them finish a little higher than top 6, but I think that is the right spot as of right now.

FRANCE

DM:
Let’s look at Britain's Long time rivals next. France who is just across the straight from the British Isle will be looking to make some noise this year. They have done a lot to attract talent and their roster is looking better than ever.

RB:
I don’t know about that, Don; France is not exactly known…

Don:
We need to hurry things along so Ron’s comments will be kept to himself as we move into the roster and projected lineups.

Aleksi Kettu - Miguel Hefeweizen - Duncan Mackenzie
Theo Kondos - Connor O'Byrne – Luca Pane
Ray Alexander - Alvin Wong - Antoine Beauregard
4 Chainz - Oliver Castillon - Johnny Wagner-Svenson

Dirty Boots - Pass Forfeit
Michael Withecheck - Patches The III
Elena Maximova - Georg N'Zola

Enes Gündoğan
Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz

DM:
France has a ton of talent throughout the roster and everyone here is consistently getting better. This roster boasts an elite defense and a solid forward group being led by Dirty Boots and Pass Forfeit on the back end. With Duncan Mackenzie and Miguel Hefeweizen leading the forwards.

RB:
Mackenzie reminds me of my dog Spud, so I got to cheer for him. Hopefully he wins the tournament MVP. As for France themselves, while I think the roster is good, I think they are in the same boat as Britain and fighting for 6th place just outside the medals. If they reach the medals it will be because their Goalie Enes Gundogan might be able to steal a game in the tournament round and get them into the medals.

IRELAND:

DM:
Sticking around this area we have Ireland next.

RB:
Now wait a minute aren’t they the same country as Britain, you know, England…

DM:
Ron please just shut up… Last year's Gold Medal winners are back again making another run for the top prize. Their last big run was between seasons 41 – 48 where they won 2 bronze, 1 silver and 5 gold medals! They are looking to build a new dynasty with their previous success.

Mads McBride - Ty Murphy - Erik Bergmark
Derek Martin - Viktor Hargreeves - Alexander Minaj
Marton Diehm - Adrian O'Rugg - KyIe Murray
Rowan O'Beirne - Peter Tingle - Klaes Ashford

Seamus O'Slapahan - Nevek Kove
Toasty O'Bigbers - Billy Brooks
Brendan Laroux - Jack McCarthy

Beau Kavanagh
Sith Happens

DM:
Their top 6 could compete with anyone in the tournament with McBride leading the way. Their defense will be the heart and soul of this team as they look to repeat, arguably one of the best defenses in the tournament. But their goaltending…

RB:
Yeah they are a bunch of young goalies that are still a few years away from having the impact they need. I think they are going to finish in the knockout round but not pass the first round unless a goalie gets hot. If they get hot this could be a difficult team. Anything can happen in this tournament…and usually does.

NORWAY

DM:
Mr. Berry, are you going soft? That almost sounded like a compliment. Norway is the next country we are going to bring up. They have traditionally been a solid group with mixed results sometimes, even claiming a gold medal a few times in tournament history.

RB:
Wait, what, they have? Well who plays on this team, how did they do that?

DM:
Ron is, as usual, a fountain of knowledge and truth. The projected roster and lines have a ton of quality stars let's take a look:

Aksel Fiske - Grogu Mandosson – Gonzo Gobbledygook
Salzberger Lillehammersson - Adam Prpich - Tom Pedersen
Pawter Meowski - Gnabe Dabson - Dwight Knight
Iliket Urtles - Andreas Kvalheim - Smurfunkel Dothe

Philippe-Eko Eel - Filip Lund
Nikolai Skovgaard - Ole Olson
Isak Sogard - Aksel VINSen

Hank Stopper
Ally Mathieson

DM:
This team has a powerful top 6 and a great defensive core. I am expecting big things from Grogu Mandosson this tournament as he continues his success from last SHL season. He has fantastic support in Aksel Fiske and Gonzo Gobbledygook. Their defense’s top 4 looks rock solid and should be able to shut down any opponent they face.

RB:
I can’t believe I am saying this, but I think they are going to compete for a medal. They have a good group, sure I can’t pronounce any of their names, but they can score.

JAPAN

DM:
I am excited about the next team we are looking into Ron, the ever more dangerous Japan. They have been a team on the rise for quite some time now. In recent tournament history they have been a consistent medal contender and powerhouse.

RB:
My phone is from Japan so you know if they can make a good phone they can make good hockey players, I love my Samsung.

DM:
Umm, Samsung is a South Korean company… Anyway, here is the opening roster and projected lines for Japan.

Videl Valor - Aleksandr Iskandrov - Evil AllBran
Ryu Jones - Slavakov Vladimirashenko - Ryuuji Kawashima
Manny Calavera - Nike Kickz Jr – Alexi Piastri
Mu Wisconsin - Inactive Forever - Ryuuji Minamino

Wide Peepo Happy 3 Koivu - Ryosuke Sato
Damien Hirano - Kazuchika Okada
Ho Lee-Smokes - Hải Nam Hoàng

BASE PACK
Sir Devoir

DM:
Let’s start by talking about the goalie situation here. They are blessed with two starting goalies, one arguably being the best in the league, Base Pack. On offense they have the Legendary Evil AllBran leading the way, supported by Videl Valor! But their defense is a weakness this year.

RB:
When I see their defense I know Wide Koivu can play hard minutes as good as any of them, but after him they are playing a lot of solid defenders but no one that stacks up against the other top teams. They will need their goalies standing on their heads to have a chance.

DM:
I won’t lie, I feel the same way Ron, so where are they going to end up.

RB:
That is tough, I could see them in a medal spot if the hockey Gods help them a little but I believe they are going to fall closer to 6th or lower this round.

GERMANY

DM:
We will be looking at the German Machine next. They are a very talented group that seems to be on the rise right now. Winning Gold in Season 70 they look like they could do it again this year.

RB:
I am not sure I should say what I am thinking about with the Germans.

DM:
Then don’t! Instead let’s look at the roster and see what their projected lineup could look like.

Evan Winter - Red Kirkby – Greg Davies
Rikkert Biemans - Konstantin Selich - Burlok Sulfurgold
Oskar Scholz - Julian Eaglesong - Dominik Froste
Faust Faker - Chris McZehrl Jr. - Steve Harrington

Hans Graf – Hodor
Kermit Murphy - Jonas Kahnwald
Timo Lambert - Lasse Zeigler

Olof Karsikko
Scoochie Stratton

DM:
They may have the best Center/Left Wing grouping in the entire tournament, each line has a potentially dangerous combo. Of course, being led by Red Kirby and Evan Winters is as dynamic of a duo as anyone could ask for. Their defense is solid in the top 4 with Hans Graf and Hordor holding the…door. And they have a great starting goaltender. There is no weakness in this group.

RB:
The only spot that might hurt them is their bottom pairing defenders. Both are playing out of position, they are good players but that is a lot to ask of two forwards. I could see them being the weak point in the German’s overall team.

CZECHIA

DM:
Is this finally the year Czechia wins a gold medal!?

RB:
What with where now? Did you just make up a country?

DM:
…This team is full of talent, but they have never won it all. They do have a Silver and a Bronze medal to their name but no Gold. This year’s talent has the possibility of winning it, as long as they have a little bit of luck on their side.

Greyson Cooper - Jayson Aittokallio - Petr Svoboda
Jimmy Larkin-Conway - Noel Blanchet - Alexej Kastrba
Petr Vrána - Dominik Winters - Towelie
Marshall Madden - Pyotr Gallen - Ana Parast

San-sam Emerson – Zayne Dangle
Angus McFife XVIII - Tomas Zadina
Arnošt Hlemýžď - Miroslav Ketil

Brick Wall
Inda Bagg

DM:
Clearly this team is going to be led from the crease out. And they say you build the best championship teams that way. Leading this team will be Brick Wall, who is the closest living being to being an actual brick wall. Their defense as a whole could be better than anyone else in the tournament when a player like Angus McFife is on your second pairing you have a solid group.

RB:
And sure they have a great player in Petr Svoboda to lead the offense, but who is going to support him?

DM:
They have a ton of good forwards to support Svoboda; Jayson Aittokallio, Noel Blanchet, Greyson Cooper are all capable forwards.

RB:
Alright fine, let’s say they are competing for a medal as well. I am guessing they finish in the top 4.

LATVIA

DM:
Our next group is a team that once was a real powerhouse in tournament history. They have had their ups and downs. Right now, they seem to be working towards an upswing and could be labeled a dark horse to make it to the finals; Latvia.

RB:
Once again I think you are making up country names, isn’t that country run by Doctor Doom?

DM:
No Ron, that would be Latveria, a fictional country in the Marvel Comic Books.

RB:
Does Wakanda have a hockey team too? I bet they would be good.

DM:
While Ron works on his national geography let's take a look at the Latvian roster.

Benjamin Surkhi-Ze'ev - Sophie Bordeleau – Chimkin Wing
Bender Junior - Oles Kobliska - Matiss Ozolinsh
Edžus Ozolins - Jarrod Lakemore - Mats Marner
Nikolaj Boyle - Olivers Ozols - The Murray

Roderic Banes - Johnny Patey
Mit Wobet – Dork Dipplet
Shootin Blanks - Valters Denisova

Toms Zīle
Evert Jansson

DM:
The time might be a bit too soon for Latvia, as they are a very young roster. They have some amazing talent with Benjamin Surkhi-Ze'ev and Sophie Bordeleau who will need to lead the way. On defense they can only really count on Roderic Banes at this time. Goalies also carry a question mark for this roster.

RB:
I think they will be lucky to make the knockout round. This is about two tournaments too early for them, but they have a ton of talent all coming up at the same time and could be a very good team in a few seasons.

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

DM:
The USA has been a traditional powerhouse in the IIHF tournaments. The last 20 years have not been as kind to them as other countries have started to catch up in talent, only winning 2 golds and a bronze in that time.

RB:
Well the Americans are trying to play a game that is not theirs and they just can’t compete against the Canadian kids in this game.

DM:
Are you drunk again Ron? Can someone just cut his microphone for now as we look at the United States roster.

Benson Fiorentini - Atticus Hale - JR Frankenstero
Bobby McGinnis - Xavier Doom - Dusty Rhodes
Adam Liebold - Lord Raiden - James Lutz
Barefoot Sugars - James Dion - Hugh Manius

Jonathon Hagan - Lenny Hawk
John Brown - Philip Fry
Nathan Meagher - Pork Tenderloin

Justin Time
Casey Fantobens

DM:
The USA is chalked full of talent with few weaknesses. Their Goaltending is boasting the talent of two starters, Justin Time should take the lion share unless something goes wrong. Their offense has three lines that could play top minutes in the SHL, Atticus Hale should lead the way for their forwards. And a defensive group with few weaknesses is anchored by Jonathon Hagan and Lenny Hawk who do not get as much credit as they deserve.

RB
………

DM:
I am glad no one else can hear you Ron.

SWITZERLAND

DM:
Our last group of hopefuls for this tournament will be Switzerland. From about season 24 on this country has won a ton of medals and hosted a number of tournament MVPs. To take them lightly would be foolish at any time.

RB:
What? Can you hear me? Oh ok, good. Now I have a lot to say about Switzerland and I am sure most people will say it is not ok, but I think…

DM:
Thank goodness, let’s look at this roster.

Spack Jarrow - Meta Knight - Ivan Lacksamus
Reed Kobo - Sebastien Regazzoni - Isaac Forty-One
Chuchichäschtli Zopf - Taschen (TASH-in) Messer - Levin Schattenaxt
Rikaad Metzller - Jeff Hunziker - Deep Thought

Louise St. Martin - Marcel Beck
Luca Hunziker - Julian Flörsch
Emil Egli - Antoni Flusso

Rebecca Montagne
Tibuk Soonika

DM:
Switzerland is built from the crease out, with an early favourite to win Goalie of the tournament in Rebecca Montagne. Their bottom pairing on defense is as strong as some countries' top pairing, meaning St. Marin and Beck may lead them but they do not have to lean on them for everything. And while they will be a defensive monster they have two of the SHL’s best leading the offense in Spack Jarrow and Ivan Lacksamus!

RB:
……….and so I think they have a real chance of doing some good in this tournament. Maybe even finishing in the top 4.

DM:
That is it from us here at CBC news desk, we are looking forward to the upcoming tournament. Cheer on your country and have some fun. The tournament is only days away, good luck to everyone competing!

As a quick bonus here is your pre-tournament power rankings!

POWER RANKINGS:

TOP TIER – HEAVY FAVOURITES TO WIN IT ALL:
1. Sweden
2. Canada
3. Finland
4. USA
5. Switzerland
SECOND TIER – CAN WIN WITH A LITTLE LUCK:
6. Japan
7. Germany
8. France
9. Great Britain
10. Ireland
THIRD TIER – FIGHTING TO MAKE KNOCKOUT ROUND:
11. Czechia
12. Norway
13. Latvia
14. IRHF

*Keven* · 09-11-2023, 04:56 PM

@JamesT looks like I've been cut from the team. Didn't think I'd have to find out this way

Great to see IIHF media though. Go get paid, Spidey! Canada

PremierBromanov · 09-11-2023, 04:58 PM

If by Great Britian being the team to beat you mean the team that everyone gets to beat, you are correct

spidey · 09-11-2023, 05:01 PM

09-11-2023, 04:56 PMKeven Wrote: @JamesT looks like I've been cut from the team. Didn't think I'd have to find out this way

Great to see IIHF media though. Go get paid, Spidey!