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*Soviet Sexpot* · 03-19-2024, 03:09 PM

Graders - Please use this as my Double Payout for First Time Members. Thanks!

This was suggested as a good media discussion topic in discord and I saw it posted in a different league, so what better way to introduce myself and piss off potential teams then offering my unbiased opinion everyone is entitled to.

I dunno if @ZodiacEXE is here, but if so, I stole your criteria for this evaluation and I apologize, but not really as its a super solid scale and I added a few of my own

The Criteria:
Mascot - Self-explanatory, what is their mascot and name referencing.
Logo - How do I like the logo, the design, etc.
Colors - How do I like the colors chosen? Do they fit?
Geographical Relevance - Does the name/mascot have anything to do w/ the location? Did they just rhyme?
Perceived Greatness - This is arbitrary as hell, but do I think they're a good team or not (I haven't looked up records/history yet)
Jerseys -
Overall - Combination of the above for a cumulative rating

I'll be rating on a scale of 1-5.

Anchorage Armada
Logo - I assume its a boat? Aircraft Carrier? The image link is broken and not displaying. The secondary logo has an Anchor, a Clipper, a Jet, a Sun? I have no idea whats going on here anymore - 1/5
Colors - I'm getting Pred's vibes on this.... but it is the same colors as the Alaskan flag. 4/5
Geographical Relevance - I can't find anything regarding an Armada in Alaska that isn't a terribly overpriced Nissan SUV. In fact from what I gather, Armada is Spanish and Alaska isn't? Sorry. - 0/5
Jerseys - They have a retired jersey with McLovin on it, need I say more? 6/5
Perceived Greatness - They are mid-bottom tier. They try, but never do great, but they also arent the worst in the league. Its the attention to detail that keeps them there. (Ahem, broken link) – 2/5
Overall - 2/5 - I feel like there is plenty of room for improvement here, start with logo's the name, the colors, I dunno. Start over?

Carolina Kraken
Logo - A kraken? Maybe? Literally the info page is broken links.... 1/5
Colors - As above, I can only guess that orange and black? Which really gives off Flyers vibes and frankly doesn’t fit Kraken. Should be at least green/blue/olive? Hell I could've even handled baby blue in honor of UNC - 2/5
Geographical Relevance - Theres a women's travel ball team named the kraken and frankly their logo is better than this.... IF I COULD SEE IT! But there’s no Kraken in Carolina. 0/5
Perceived Greatness - There's a playoff hype video that slaps, so I can only assume at some point they made it here.... which means they have some merit. Maybe they're dominating the post season and can't update their info? 3/5
Jerseys - What jerseys? I dont even know if they have any! 0/5
Overall - 1/5 - If it wasn't for the hype video and sound track, I'd have to go with 0.5 or even 0. There's nothing to go off of here...

Colorado Raptors
Logo - I like dinos, who doesnt? He's ferocious looking and has sharp teeth. 4/5
Colors - Not bad, they are similar to the state flag colors, but missing the red and yellow. Which frankly seem more fitting than blue for a dino. 3/5
Geographical Relevance - None. I mean maybe there were Raptors back during Pangea, but it has little meaning now. 1/5
Perceived Greatness - Id say they're mid-tier. Maybe slightly upper, but thats the vibe I get. 3.5/5
Jerseys - They are good designs, and I like the color scheme integration. I do think that having some white in the home jerseys would've been nice. 4/5
Overall - 3.5/5 - I think this is a decent mid-tier branding overall. I still think a name change to Colorado Chewables would be more suiting though.

Detroit Falcons
Logo - It's a bird and frankly looks like a knockoff of the old Atlanta Hawks logo down to colors. But I cant tell as their page is like the Kraken's - 1/5
Colors - Red & Black for a Falcons team.... how unique. 1/5
Geographical Relevance - There are Hawks in Detroit, but then again, they're pretty much in the whole of the US, so is that really enough? 1/5
Perceived Greatness - I mean I just have to keep up with the perception that I have of things to this point and the fact that Detroit suffers misery irl. - 1/5
Jerseys - These don't exist for me.... 0/5
Overall - 1/5 - I say we just burn this down to the ground and start over, maybe the Flint Fangorn's because of their terrible water?

Great Falls Grizzlies
Logo - Grizzly Bear - Hard to imagine something more fitting, theres plenty of these in Yellowstone. 5/5
Colors - The colors fit the logo and mascot, they fit the outdoorsy theme of Great Falls, Montana. It just works. Maybe add a red accent here or there but 4.5/5
Geographical Relevance - Plenty. Montana U is the grizzlies. They are all over the national parks. It is meaningful 5/5
Perceived Greatness - I don't have to perceive shit because its listed in stunning fashion for me down to the details. They seem like they're mid to lower tier sadly. But they make the playoffs which makes me wonder..... does everyone? 2/5
Jerseys - I like the colors and their use of them including the awesome bear tears for the accents on the waistline and arms. 5/5
Overall - 4/5 - They may not have a record that will make you roar for honey, but the rest of the package is legit. Well done.

Kelowna Knights
Logo - Its a knight looking rather royal in his gold and green. 4/5
Colors - I dig the colors. When I think of Knights, I think of royalty which means British and british racing green and gold go. Plus its British Columbia - 5/5
Geographical Relevance - I se there's a junior league hockey team there named similar, so it seems to have some merit. 3.5/5
Perceived Greatness - Maybe I'm reading too much into the royalty of the knight or what it holds but Id guess theyre mid upper tier. 4/5
Jerseys - Hard to see, the image is small and I have to use a magnifying glass, but at least they have renders. Id like to see diff shorts between Home & Away. 3.5/5
Overall - 4/5 - The name, the location, the colors all seemingly flow together and produce a positive feeling.

Maine Timber
Logo - Its axes.... which I get but are they the Augusta Axes? Because nothing is on the page. But why not have a pine tree instead? 2/5
Colors - Guessing green and brown which should be fitting. 3/5
Geographical Relevance - There is plenty of timber in Maine and forests, so this is very apt.... as would a pine tree be. 4/5
Perceived Greatness - I can't perceive greatness when theres nothing on a page. Maybe this is wrong, but I cant help it. 2/5
Jerseys - What jerseys? Maybe they just rub pine tar on themselves and roll around in needles and skate.... 0/5
Overall - 3/5 - The name, color and geography fits but the main things are missing. This is probably generous.

Nevada Battleborn
Logo - It's a mountain goat.... I'm so confused. The name and the goat, what? 0/5
Colors - Its black and gold? Vegas Knights anyone? I cant tell for sure as the page is broken like others. 0/5
Geographical Relevance - I didn't see a lot of goats in Vegas in my times visiting... 0/5
Perceived Greatness - Random number at this point because what the hell can a guy go off? 2/5
Jerseys - What jerseys? I'm starting to think this is a catch phrase. 0/5
Overall - 1/5 - I mean, I have nothing to go off of, but I dont get the goat, the name and yeah.... try again. Vegas Vandals would be better or something.

New Foundland Berserkers
Logo - A berseker.... I know, original. Ill give it to them though, looks menacing. I'll be generous even though plenty of broken links here too. 4/5
Colors - Black, Red, Grey - They fit the theme and keep the menacing going forth. - 4/5
Geographical Relevance - Tons, plenty of Norse roots tied to New Foundland so I can dig this for sure. 5/5
Perceived Greatness - I'm just going to assume these guys kick ass on the ice first and take names second. 4/5
Jerseys - I love the dark colors and the evil nature of them, the blood splatter accents are also a nice tough. 4/5
Overall - 4/5 - This is one of my favorite ones because of the colors and the evil/angry/menacing/dark theme to it. I wish their page wasnt broken, otherwise this may have even been a 5/5.

Quebec City Citadelles
Logo - I have genuine confusion here. I dont get the owl being a Citadelle because thats a french military installation, but they actually have a page and after viewing so many this is a relief. 3/5
Colors - I like the colors and the flow overall, mostly because I'm biased as blue is my favorite color, but they did a great job with the different shades. 5/5
Geographical Relevance - Pretty much spot on, in fact the Citadelle is still used up there in Quebec, so its legit and it fits. 5/5
Perceived Greatness - I dont have to perceive shit, they made sure to put in bold their #1 status. So yeah, good for them. 5/5
Jerseys - I like the jersey's and that they have renders I can see, I enjoy the incorporation of the shades and fluer-de-lis on the ass too. 4/5
Overall - 4/5 - This is probably a close 2nd to the Berserkers for me, but only because I dont get/dig/follow the owl. Otherwise everything else works for me very well.