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sharksisback · 02-25-2019, 07:10 PM

A city that was just in hope from a winning stretch has been fucked into submission (EDITOR’S NOTE: HR wants to talk with you). The Halifax Raiders have gone from the preseason darling to doing their best impression of the S45 Raiders. Troy Reynolds, bless his soul, has cooled down. He is no longer even in the top 5 in points, and his shooting percentage is still a respectable 23%. The issue seems to be that Reynolds just won’t shoot the puck as often as his linemates. It is incredibly infuriating to watch. He’s never been the type of player to throw the puck at the net as if his life depended on it, but for god’s sake man, shoot the damn thing! You’re on such a good pace but you just won’t pull the trigger.

We caught up with the oddly well-behaved chap earlier today to talk about his struggles, and how he has changed as a person.

“Troy, it’s good to see you. I have to say, it’s been impressive to see you in much better spirits.”

“Thanks Jim, it’s been a process but I think I’m officially comfortable with how I am.”

“Let’s get down to business, Troy. You know it and I know it, this team is struggling immensely. What’s gone wrong for you guys?”

“Jim, if I could pinpoint exactly what’s gone wrong lately, I would’ve told the coaching staff what I saw. We’ve been slacking offensively, and I’ll take the blame for that. We’ve had opportunities but the second time around, these teams have adjusted to us. It’s our turn to make some adjustments and hopefully, we can bounce back.”

“Troy, I’d hate to say it in fear of how you’ll react, but you have been a part of this preseason collapse. You’ve been shooting the puck so well, yet so sparsely. The fans are begging you to just shoot the puck.”

“To be fair, everywhere I’ve played I’ve heard at least 7 people yell “SHOOOOOOT!” simultaneously. I know I’ve been on a hot streak but I’m not gonna just abandon my play style to take advantage in the preseason. You have to keep some tricks in the bag for the regular season, Jim. You and I both know that.”

“Let’s talk Vancouver.”

“Oh boy…”

“Listen, we all saw Jax Duggan’s trash talk. We all saw their GM trashing Halifax’s unfortunate history. We all saw Casimir Stevens show up to talk trash to Joseph Laraque for responding. Troy, you can’t tell me that you don’t have a response to all of this.”

“Jim, when I was on that boat with Sophia and Dom, I had an epiphany. Have you ever heard the saying ‘if you find yourself surrounded by assholes, maybe you’re the asshole’? I felt like outside of our locker room, I had alienated the entire league against me. And sure, Jax Duggan talked some trash towards me. The important thing is to just take it in stride. It’s almost like he’s whispering sweet nothings. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things because hockey isn’t played in front of a mic, or on your social media. It’s played out there on the ice and the best form of retaliation is beating him. He can talk. I’m not gonna be the guy to talk trash and then act all upset when it comes back. He’s a solid player, he would’ve fit right in on our 4th pairing.”

“Troy, you know there’s only three pairings, right?”

“Oh, there’s only three? That must’ve been my bad, sometimes even I make mistakes ya know?”

“I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt this time. You still haven’t addressed Vancouver’s GM and goalie talking trash as well though.”

“Listen, I see what they’re trying to do. They’re trying to cultivate a culture similar to ours from last year. Sure, we didn’t have much on-ice success but we turned into a family by creating an “us vs the world” mentality. They want to be the trash talkers this year, and they wanna try to kick us while we’re down. Honestly, I find their imitation to be flattering. To be honest, I do find the GM talking all of that trash to be rather unprofessional, but I’ve never been a bastion of professionality myself.”

“It’s been reported that you’ve taken Joseph Laraque under your wing, is that true? And does it explain his recent trash talking behavior?”

“Listen, Joseph is a good kid. He came into this year with a chip on his shoulder and fire up his ass because of the rest of the league snubbing him. He’s got a lot to say and he’s using outlets to let his message out. I help him out every once in a while and gave him some tough love over that whole New England mess, but I wouldn’t say I’ve taken him under my wing.”

“Troy. That ‘fourth line plug who won’t ever sniff the SHL’ line sounds like something you would say. The kid came to YOUR defense.”

“Jim, you and I both know that I can handle my own business. If I wanted to, I could go right back to my old ways and we both know that wouldn’t end well in any exchange for them. I’m not that type of person anymore. I’m happy, Sophia is happy, and I’m improving myself as a player and person slowly.”

“Speaking of Sophia, Jax Duggan brought her up and pondered if troubles between you and her are the reason for your struggles. Do you care to comment?”

“I don’t think it’s his place to comment on my personal life, but I’m not too upset about it. I’ve put it all up on display for the world to see, so it’s no surprise that he’d bring her up. Personally, I think it’s low effort and pretty petty but it is what it is.”

“He also referred to her as ‘Russian’ and when it was pointed out that she is in fact Ukrainian, he said that she would end up referring to herself as Russian due to the ongoing conflict. Come on Troy, this is your girl. You have to defend her honor.”

“Jim, I know what you’re trying to do. I know that everything you’re saying is true, but you’re trying to coax an outburst out of me. He’s going far and he knows it, but she’s a strong girl. She can take those insults in stride. But there’s always a receipt for the checks you write with your mouth, if you know what I mean.”

A surprisingly relaxed Troy Reynolds considering the environment he finds himself in. We did try to ask him about the rumors of discontent between the first liners, but Reynolds denied that there was any tension. We’ve reached out to Matt Kholin and Jimmy Slothface as well, but they haven’t returned any of our calls since the Sasha Zubovova incident last season.

I will be honest with you, the reader. Sitting down with Troy Reynolds was an odd experience. I looked the man in the eye and I was able to get a sense of his soul. It looks like he finally has snapped out of his ways, and to be honest, I hate it. There is no fire in his eyes anymore, it’s as if his edge is gone. This may be an unpopular opinion with Raiders fans, but I preferred Troy Reynolds high off his ass on cocaine and trash talking every son of a bitch in this league who looked at him sideways. He’s been reduced to a shell of himself, who gives answers in the same bullshit hockey player way we’ve seen for the last 50 years. (EDITOR’S NOTE: YOU LITERALLY SAID YOU HATED TROY REYNOLDS’ ANTICS LAST YEAR) Troy Reynolds has become the one thing we all wished for him to be. Generic.

Somebody needs to step up and become the vocal heart and soul of the Raiders, because it looks like the old heart and soul shut down on that boat. Jimmy Slothface, Matt Kholin, Perry Morgan, Joseph Laraque, FUCKING SOMEONE SHOW US THAT FIRE AGAIN. This team lacks the soul of last year’s ragtag group, while recently showing us the same amount of losses. Someone needs to call out the Whalers and show them who the fuck they’re messing with. The games felt like they meant something against Detroit because there was FIRE. There was HEART. The regular season is not looking promising with how this painful stretch of hockey has played out. We have to give props to Joseph Laraque for stepping up, but it needs to be consistent. You don’t let a whole team kick you at your lowest point. You have to punch them in the dick and shove them down to your low (EDITOR’S NOTE: Jim, you’re the most unprofessional son of a bitch here). Everybody needs to put those Whalers in their place, or we risk the Raiders become a forgettable bottom dweller rather than a very loud cellar dweller.

Jim Jones
Halifax Gazette

(1511 Words)

Gary, you're on thin ice. Melanie and the kids would be heartbroken if something happened to you the next time you put in one of your obnoxious fucking editor's notes. Tread carefully.

SecondSucks22 · 02-25-2019, 08:30 PM

"hockey isn’t played in front of a mic, or on your social media. It’s played out there on the ice and the best form of retaliation is beating him." Didnt do a whole lot of that now did we?

bilbo · 02-25-2019, 08:48 PM

Things are getting real spicy at the the Halifax Gazette.

SecondSucks22 · 02-25-2019, 08:56 PM

02-25-2019, 08:48 PMbilbo Wrote: Things are getting real spicy at the the Halifax Gazette.

Sounds like a whole lot of in-fighting on the news room floor

sharksisback · 02-25-2019, 10:25 PM

02-25-2019, 08:30 PMSecondSucks22 Wrote: "hockey isn’t played in front of a mic, or on your social media. It’s played out there on the ice and the best form of retaliation is beating him." Didnt do a whole lot of that now did we?

Uhhh buddeh, I regret to inform you that we went 4-2 against Vancouver. Don't let facts get in the way of your trash talk though.

SecondSucks22 · 02-26-2019, 11:47 AM

02-25-2019, 10:25 PMsharksisback Wrote:
02-25-2019, 08:30 PMSecondSucks22 Wrote: "hockey isn’t played in front of a mic, or on your social media. It’s played out there on the ice and the best form of retaliation is beating him." Didnt do a whole lot of that now did we?

Uhhh buddeh, I regret to inform you that we went 4-2 against Vancouver. Don't let facts get in the way of your trash talk though.

So focused on beating us you couldn't beat anyone else?

***luke*** · 02-26-2019, 01:04 PM

Whalers GM steps up when you talk shit to our players

ArGarBarGar · 02-26-2019, 01:09 PM

Alonzo Garbanzo Final Tallies (Among Defensemen):
2nd in Goals (208), All-Time Assists Leader (765)*, All-Time Points Leader (973), 3rd in Hits (2587), All-Time Blocked Shots Leader (1882)*
*All-Time Leader Among All Skaters
Player Profile | Update Thread
[Image: IeEV7Iv.png]

***Citizen of Adraa*** · 02-26-2019, 01:11 PM

02-26-2019, 01:04 PMluketd Wrote: Whalers GM steps up when you talk shit to our players

But now you are talking shit about czech players :thinking:

ArGarBarGar · 02-26-2019, 01:33 PM

02-26-2019, 01:11 PMCitizen of Adraa Wrote:
02-26-2019, 01:04 PMluketd Wrote: Whalers GM steps up when you talk shit to our players

But now you are talking shit about czech players :thinking:

He better czech himself before he wrecks himself.

Alonzo Garbanzo Final Tallies (Among Defensemen):
2nd in Goals (208), All-Time Assists Leader (765)*, All-Time Points Leader (973), 3rd in Hits (2587), All-Time Blocked Shots Leader (1882)*
*All-Time Leader Among All Skaters
Player Profile | Update Thread
[Image: IeEV7Iv.png]

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